I haven't taken my own life for a reason. I mean honestly speaking, I hate myself. there is no doubting that. but I still live because it would crush the lives of my parents and close friends if I killed myself. because of course they would think that it was their fault. and then they would grieve for the rest of their life teetering on the opinion of themselves and why I killed myself. in particular, my parents and sister would be the people that would be the most emotionally damaged. I don't want them to feel pain for me. I just want someone to talk to about all of this. someone other than my parents. because no matter who I try to talk to about this, the conversation always ends in the matter of "You're complaining" and so ******** what if I want to complain. obviously I'm complaining for a reason. because I'm overly depressed and stressed. and talking to people is often the only way to relieve that stress. doing sports, talking it out with yourself, talking to an animal [that doesn't even understand you] , and talking to my parents as well, are the methods I've tried, none of which have actually worked. so I began to complain, and have to say it feels much better than bottling it up forever like some people want me to. which is one reason I post in this journal. because this is the only way to vent my fury and sadness without people telling me to be quiet.
lacrimosa apatheosis · Wed Jan 27, 2010 @ 02:48am · 0 Comments |