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(Subsistence....)

God I don't know why...but I miss her already. Almarine...you tried to be there...if only the rift between you and the family that wasn't yours could've closed. You were proud of me, proud to see a black man who's part Rayford make something of himself. Yet here I am struggling. I'm letting you down. I feel like I'm also letting people close to me down. Always a disappointment, always late, always hurting. Please forgive me! Please believe in me! Don't give up on me...I have so much potential, I know it if I could just try! Please! I cry for you, grandpa...what will you do without her now? Can you handle the fear of everything falling apart in front of you? I fear it too...I can barely take it. Love me, please...my hope is with you, my prayers are with you, my tears...oh Lord my tears...