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I only have any clear memory beyond my seventh year of school
My depression and willingness to see what exists was started at the same time
I remember I would cry
I think I was pretty weak back then
Many stories of my past tell me I was also disobedient
I really don't like who I think I was
But I wonder how it was back then
One thing I do remember was the bullying
Then again a lot of that could be from seventh or eighth grade too
I always think of the little me
He was another person
I don't know if the fact that I don't remember him changed who I am
I wonder if I forgot on purpose
I tried to do that this year again
I tried to forget the pain in my love
The ideas of suicide and doubt
I wanted to forget all my friends
I wanted to forget how I cared for them
It almost worked and now many of them are gone
I hated that I would fail
Now I'm glad I did
All the thoughts
Even now
I'm so lost by myself
They make me understand
I still know a three of my most important friends from before my memories
I can almost imagine there faces
I still couldn't get rid of them completely