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Have you ever felt the need to cry? Was is so strong that you couldn't hold it? Or was your will so strong that you held back the tears but your heart kept breaking the more you held them in? I'm do that right now. Holding back this tears that are threatening to spill over. Why? For the fact that I do not wish for anyone to see me cry. Funny....just as I type this...my will broke and the tears won over. I have no idea what is wrong with me lately. I can put a mask and fake this pain easily but when I'm alone I cannot contain myself and just burst. Even now, I'm bursting into them and it's hard to read this.

Many people will say I deserve this pain....They are most likely right. I do deserve this. I am a vile, woman. I have cheated. I have lied. I have 'caused so much pain to others that there is no wonder I am getting severely hurt right now. Each and every day I wonder why I am still up and about? My mind is full of jumble thoughts. My heart full of pain and tearing. My hunger disappearing. My body shutting down to where I sleep more. I'm slacking again in my life. My faith is leaving me again. Or maybe it was never there to begin with.

Everyone can put on a mask.