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*sighs* My heart is aching and I don't know why. Maybe I do, but I just can't think of it. Maybe if I just keep typing, I'll be able to unlock the secrets in my mind. It's funny, I used to remember everything, but now I can't remember anything to save my life. I thought I'd be happy if I forgot things, but now it's just even more of a burden on me. In the past I could remeber everything that hurt me and I could bring it up with no problem. It hurt so much. Over the years, I've taken pride in practicing how to forget everything that hurts me. Unfortunately, I'm forgetting other things along with the pain. So if anyone asks what wrong with me, my only response is "I don't know, I'm sorry." It hurts to remember, but now it hurts to forget. I'm afraid I'm going to have to undo everything I worked so hard to forget. Maybe I'm just afraid that if I try to remeber anything, I'll remember everything. And I may not be able to turn it off again. That's it. I'm afraid. My pride and my heart won't let me go through that hell again. That's why I can't get close to people. They always hurt me. Maybe I'm too sensitive, but I have to protect myself. NO! I can't keep doing that! I have to stop putting up these walls. I don't need this right now...