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Great. Just great.
Okay, so I was a little too sappy in the last one. I'm not thinking about love or anything, I just want the dang attention. I admit it! Truly, if antoher person asks me if I'm engaged yet, or why I'm not or why I'm not even dating, I'm going to get mad.
Maybe it's because I'm not.
I dunno. I don't really want to right now, though. I'm not ready, and I want to get through school... And I kinda don't care at times. At times. At other times, I'm in tears because, sure enough, there's no letter in the mail for me from Blake, or because so many other of my friends are in happy relationships and are pretty and... well, I'm not.
I'm too lazy to do anything about it, too. I don't want to get up earlier in the mornings to do my hair nicely or anything. I just let it frizz.
My friend Rachel, from drama class, even told me that I should try straightening my hair one day--and, for that week, I had actually been spending the time to do so. I smiled and laughed and told her that it WAS straightened... now we've got a date set for the last day of class for me to go to her apartment (she lives on campus) early and get pretty. Which is okay. I like people doing my hair and make-up and stuff. but the straightening comment... it just really discourages me.
Can't I do ANYTHING to look pretty?
Gr.
Anyway.
Um... Kay. This is kinda hard to explain.
That wasn't my main complaint, it was a side topic, you see...
Well, I like to fool around on google. got the idea from my dad. My best friend has a nickname she always goes by. so I typed that in.
eek she was anerexic.
I had suspicions...
but that's okay, she's fine now.
But NOW she's got this blog site on something called "xanga"...
I feel like I'm spying on her, you know?
But I want to know how she's doing. she's got such a hard life...
Well, okay. here's the part that's REALLY bugging me today:"And teenage girls are weak, for the most part. I'm not talking about myself here, because I try hard not to talk about my huge problems with my friends, because I don't want them to worry. That's something noble, I think, something respectable... Oh and it gets better! When I DO find out how my friends are doing, and they're doing bad, it makes me feel bad, and I nearly wish I didn't know!"
Gosh.
I complain a lot. I notice it everytime I do it, but... well... I have a hard time getting people's attention. I'm the sort of person that fades into the background. I'm always scaring/surprising people because I "sneak up on them", even though I'm in full sight. And I'm human, so I like attention! And yes, I realize that complaining is bad attention. I'm trying to stop.
Thing is, my major outlet is another close friend of mine. A guy that I'm attracted to a bit. We like to argue a lot, too, but it's always for fun...
Okay, we've had a couple of real ones, but we can tell the difference (...usually...) and we get over them.
These arguments... I THOUGHT they were for fun, but...
Well, my friend sent me their conversation for a whole other reason (not about him) but this is part of what he said...
him: i realize how we start fighting
him: usually i just fight with her
him: and cuz we do it so much
him: i forget what started them in the first place
her: oh?
him: well...you don't fight that often, but when you do, do you forget what you were fighting about to begin with?
her: sometimes.
him: that happens to me all of the time
him: mostly with becca
him: everyone else i can stay pretty focused on
her: and there is a reason?
him: yeah....we fight about everything, dosn't matter what it is
him: she says one thing and there could be this huge fight about it
him: we really are pathetic
him: more then i realized

...
::blinks:: um... well, now that I reread it, and as I write more, I really can't remember what I was so upset about...
I've got a bad headache. I'll add more later.

Oh yeah. before I head, this is what he said afterward--unknowing, I assume, of what I've read...
me: and we enjoy them, so they're not REALLY argument, right? I mean, arguments are usually heated and with at least one person upset.
him: yeah and when we're actually mad at each other... we don't talk at all
me: well, yeah, usually... though I will be mean and snap sometimes.
him: Yeah... then i feel bad and don't log on for a few days
me: oh. well, now I know, I guess. ^^
him: Yeah...