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I've got a little more to get out of my head, but I don't know how to start or where to start or how to say it.I think of it sometimes. It seems to clear, in my head, so obvious. But, when I sit down to write it out, words elude me.

Releasing The Demons lyrics

What do you see in the dark
when the demons come for you

If only you could have seen
how ******** up my life used to be
then everything starts to change
supposedly healing my pain
I never thought I'd feel this way
I never thought that I'd see a day
I'd run away from anything or anywhere or anyone
Its all these demons haunting me
Its all these little things trapped inside of me
Releasing me from all my sin
Its taken me all of my anger
And taken me all of my hate
To learn how my life came together
Releasing the demons again

And now I look through my minds eye
And see where my past needs to rest
Its always disturbed by these voices
That echo inside of my head
Another way that I can hide
Another reason to crawl inside and get away
from everything and everywhere and everyone
NO!
Its all these demons haunting me
Its all these little things trapped inside of me
Releasing me from all my sin

Its taken me all of my anger
And taken me all of my hate
To learn how my life came together
Releasing the demons......again

Facin the days as I grow into my own
Loving and hatings the same
And three-fold I told you
it comes back with laughter
Over and over again
Its coming back

Its taken me all of my anger
And taken me all of my hate
To learn how my life came together
Releasing the demons again



I ******** Hate You lyrics
Songwriters: Erna, Salvatore;

For everything you do, I'd like to swallow you
And everyday I'm gonna blame you
Even if you justify every ******** bullshit lie
It only makes me want to break you

You pull me down and you crucify my name
You make me insane
It's broken now don't ever look my way
Don't even think I'm playin'

'Cause I ******** hate you, you're such a liar
And I love to hate you, you're all the same to me

When you repeatedly take advantage of me
The only thought I get of you sickens me
Everybody knows your fake, you're everything I ******** hate
And I'm everything that you could never be

You pull me down and you crucify my name
You make me insane
It's broken now don't ever look my way
Don't even think I'm playin'

'Cause I ******** hate you, you're such a liar
And I love to hate you, you're all the same to me
I ******** you hate you, you're such a liar
And I love to hate you, you're all the same to me

******** you, ******** you
******** you, ******** you

You pull me down and you crucify my name
You make me insane
It's broken now don't ever look my way
Don't even think I'm playin'

'Cause I ******** hate you, you're such a liar
And I love to hate you, you're all the same to me
And I ******** hate, you're such a liar
And I love to hate you, you're all the same to me

******** you
(******** you)
******** you
(******** you)
******** you
(******** you)
******** you
(******** you)


Jesus, you know I've had some s**t brewing when I'm spouting off Godsmack lyrics. How tritely pissed off can one man be to write such songs. xd

But they strike a nerve, they really do.

I was told, in my youth so very long ago, that we most often hate in others what we most hate in ourselves. Maybe that's why I dislike you so much. Not that you are what I am now, not that I hate that in me now, but that you are now where I was so many years ago. So callous and uncaring, such a user, such a hurtful and shallow person. At some point, I grew up. I decided that, to be that way was to live a half life, doomed to never have what I really wanted, doomed to never be able to make SOMEONE ELSE happy. Because that is my true joy, the ability to make others happy, to make them smile, to make them comfortable and relaxed and give them a joyous moment of respite in all the bullshit of the everyday.

And I even tried with you, you who are so much as I used to be. I was blind. After all the things we had in common, I still didn't think to look for the monster I once was. And there you were, like a viper underfoot. I didn't mean to step on you, but I got bitten just the same. I got caught up in a game that I never even saw. I was so out of practice, that is was pathetic. xd

I should have never told you. I should have just let Michael disappear from your life. I think, in the end, that would have been easier for all of us. I don't blame him, now, for wanting to do just that. In the end, it might have been better for me. I didn't care that he had found someone else. I didn't care that he was happy with someone else and I sure as ******** didn't care who that someone else was. My only problem with Des has only ever been how she's treated her ex. My problem with Michael was that he lied to me. Not that I wasn't destined to meet him or anything else. Just the lies. Hell, he could have told me from the beginning what he wanted and I'd have probably gone along with it. I was still sore from how you'd treated Kaleb. But I've always been willing to give people a chance, to see for myself how they'll act. Boy did I get it right in the a** for that flaw in my character. After listening for two months about how terrible your life is and all your problems and how all your problems are so much worse than anybody elses problems, having my problems and issues thoroughly ignored, moods ignored, suggestions ignored, advice ignored....after reading how everything was about you and hearing no concern for the man you claimed to love, not one whit of concern for the man you were hoping to have your "white picket fence" with, you wondered why he went elsewhere.

I've never, in my 30 years, met such a self-centered and selfish person. You can send all the care packages you want, the fact remains that you do NOTHING unless you get something out of it, be it attention or admiration.

Do I condone what Michael did? Not at all. He lied and trampled upon the feelings of several women last summer. He left a trail of heartache in his path. Just the same as you, but in a much shorter time frame. I think he has done plenty of lying, for all the claims of honesty he has put forth. I think that he has a lot of work to do if he ever wants to end up even remotely content and happy. And I think he made a hell of a big step when he cut ties with you. I didn't understand it at the time, I really didn't. Now, I think that if he had contacted you, he'd have ended up guilted back into some form of relationship with you. He would have been guilted into abandoning the relationship that he found that DID bring him some modicum of happiness. I think, and he knew, that no matter what he said, it would be twisted and turned and changed into something it wasn't ever meant to be. He was destined to lose if he contacted you. So he took the non-confrontational path and went on about his life.

I don't think he failed to remember anything he said to me and I think he really did like me. For what it's worth, I liked him, too. I still think there's a the seed of a good man in there, it just needs the right soil and the room to grow. I wish him all the best in this life. Sometimes forgiveness doesn't come easily, sometimes it doesn't come at all. For me, I just needed to understand. And, to understand him and his actions, I had to understand you. I can't claim to know you, not completely, I can only speak from my experience of you. From my experience, all this is what I've come to understand.

And, so, I forgive. I forgive Michael for needing to claw his way out of the mired mess he found himself in. I forgive you for being where you are and who you are at the present.

I know you're pagan/wiccan of some sort. I tell you now that all that "asshattery" was nothing more than the rule of 3. How you've treated people has come back to kick you in the a**. You can either learn from it or continue on down this self-destructive path.

Whether it is your fault or not, you have a bad habit of bringing out the worst in people. I know that s**t surfaced in me that hasn't peeked out from the depths of my soul for many years. I forgot, for a time, who I was and what it meant to be me.

In the end, I had to claw my way out of the same mired mess, stand back on my own two feet, and walk away. Never talk to you again.

I look out the windows of my new house, I see the sun shining through the branches of the little tree right outside the window, how golden it is, shining through the leaves. How blue the sky is today. I smile and I will continue to smile.

And, guess what? I know, once again, that, when I smile, people smile with me. I know, once again, that my laugh makes people happy. I know, once again, that I have only to live up to my own expectations and demands. Perhaps I'll forget again, but the joy of being me is that I will ALWAYS come back to myself. I'll always remember who I am and I'll always walk away from anyone that tries to put me in a box that I don't fit in.

God bless you and keep you. I wish you the best in this life, the next one, all of them.