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(This actually happened on my last adventure with Edmund as a guide, and I lol'd so hard that it just needed a story to go with it. The link below is a song that you can read my log with. Seriously, only read this if you're bored because it's long as ********. No TL;DR for you.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gN_x1rpGbY8

The journey has long passed, but I feel as though writing about my adventure will inspire future sky captains to do better and pick a crew not filled with retards.

The crew was going to have Edmund as our guide for the journey, but we cracked so many jokes about his age that he rage quit. After Edmund's quitting, the crew and I began sail towards Xenu Jesus your mom the demi-god. The weather, for the most part, was rather fair and calm. The forest supplied nice scenery while our ship was slowly creeping towards vaginas the demi-god. I felt as though we were actually going to make it out alive. That's when everything turned for the worst.

The crew was beginning to worry about Agnes. We were always aware that she was a fatty who had a habit of eating our food supply, but she was acting differently. It broke my heart to realize that I had no choice but to smother her with my pillow; I realized that would be a waste of a pillow. Yes, Agnes turned out to be a zombie, so I decided to blast her to bits with my shotgun. The crew and I mourned for her, but then we lol'd because it was cool how she blew up to tiny little pieces. The only drawback was that we had to resort to fapping now because the crew's sextoy is dead. We all agreed that it was for the best. No seriously it was. Not even kidding here.

After the incident with Agnes, we began to sail closer towards the desert. We spent most of our time raging because Edmund was the only guy on the ship who knew the geography. Suddenly we saw a giant ant hole blocking our path. At first we lol'd because it looked like a giant p***s. We dared Edder to touch it. I can't go into further detail as to what happened next. The images are just too much to retell. My poor Beaner! We mourned for Edder's sudden death. His flesh was chopped into tiny pieces and grilled. I used his skin to make a new sombrero. He was literally on top of me. You, the reader, might be wondering why we ate the poor b*****d. Were we low on supplies? No we were not. I was just too lazy to hunt. After our Mexican feast, we figured that the desert is filled with nothing but Durkas. We decided to take the longer route.

The ocean. What a boring place. Don't get me wrong, the sea breeze was great, but all I saw was just blue. We spent most of our time harassing crabs. I don't know if we were just hallucinating from the lack of food, but there were penguins on jetpacks. Wtf? Kal and Dom even caught a Gwee and we ate that s**t. Have you ever ate a Gwee? I thought they were just Monthly Collectibles. Bricks were shat that day. All of a sudden, the salt water smell began to dwindle. Once again, our ship was on a fork road between the sea and volcanic region.

After much debating and begging, the choice was made to venture through the volcanic active area. Kal mentioned that our ship could burn due to the intense heat. I assured him that I am the greatest in all the land and casting a level 5 water ball would not be an issue. So there we were, burning our asses in the volcanic heat. I remembered how the mechanic asked me whether I wanted central A.C. installed or not. The ******** wanted to charge extra for it, so I declined because I'm a Jew. Boy do I regret that now. So many crystals were on the ground. They were huge! One of them even created a double rainbow, maybe it was even a triple rainbow! All the way!

Throughout the way, Kal was playing with a stupid moth. He considered the bug as good luck because it appeared when he Kung-Fu'd some vampires. Honestly, that little uig was a piece of s**t who would hug a lightbulb during the night; the moth's shadow would look way bigger and I'd get scared. Bawww. Well the moth repaid Kal by flying straight into his throat. Dom and I were going to help, but we made p***s jokes because he was choking. Kal's face turned colors like his rainbow fro. Before either of us could perform the rape heimlich manuever, Kal accidentally fell off of the air ship. Both Dom and I mourned because he was a good friend and a potentially good dinner too. I was crying extra hard because I was now stuck with a ******. FFFUUUU! Fortunately, we made it out alive and the fat ********] demi-god can be seen from the distance.

Now, you might be wondering why Dom is the last crewmate to stay alive with me. Usually the blackies die off first or so I thought. One thing I learned was that life has a way of turning s**t around, especially when it comes to which ethnicity dies first in a bad situation. I'd be okay with it if Agnes died because of her bad navigating skills, or even Kal as well, but I didn't even let those Chinks near the steering wheel. Especially Agnes. Anyway, we didn't have a problem with food shortage since it was just the two of us. We ate like kings. We ate like the kind of kings who lost companions but their ashes brought new hope, new life, like a Phoenix.

"We're almost there!" I told my blackie friend, who was too busy speaking with Mawgun. It seems as though she crewed with Jon and Karl Matt Nick along with Alex and Devin. They even had Lauren and Jibbs, but they threw them off the ship on the first day. I hope they're okay. Not really. Anyway, I decided to be a fat ******** and shoot for some game because there was more animals there than hell our last area.

I heard about vampires attacking ships, but we had the luck of only encountering one near the end. At first I raged because we were so close to the demi-god and finishing this god awful journey. I regret what I said about the black people, because Dom steered the ship under the vampire's radar. Who knew a black man's sneaky ways can be used for good? I sure as hell didn't. We increased the speed of the boat like crazy, it was almost like a falcon soaring through the heavens. The fat ******** of a demi-god was glad that we gave it our loot like the Jew it truly is.

I couldn't think of a good ending to sum it up because the damn demi-god gave me a sorry a** score at the end! I was like only 300 points off from beating my last score. How ironic since I had almost a full crew on my first try. Hah.

And that's how I became the princess of Belair...


... wait wat?