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Mental Cesspool
All the little thoughts, problems, and concerns that I may be dealing with at any given time, spread out for the internet to see.
Five Hours
We talked last night, for five hours. When we got off the phone, it was exactly 5am. It was nice, because our conversation didn't divulge into where it usually does. We talked about how this relationship works. How it's changing. How it's not just me anymore; he told me that it's time we held hands and started walking forward together. And... that made me happy.

I remember him telling me "Prove that you love me." And I was quiet. For a very long time, because I couldn't think of any way to do that. And then I finally thought of something.
"I already have been."
"Wha?"
"I've already been proving it. I don't love very many people. And I love you in a way that I never hope to love anybody else. And the only way I can think of to show that to you is to give you absolutely everything, and never ask for anything in return."

I was so happy last night. We talked about what we want sexually. That it's not going to happen right now. That it can't. That he's working on his physical inhibitions, for both of us. Mostly me xD
That I want more than just physical, I want intimacy. And he said he's getting to the point where he wants that too. That it doesn't seem right in his head if we're not touching when we're together (paraphrasing, but it's pretty accurate).

He made me laugh so much last night. He upset me, and he made it better. I'm guaranteed going to be coming up there for November now, thanks to his genius heart He told me that we're spending Christmas together, that he wants to show me why he loves the holiday, since I don't have any good memories of it. He told me that I'll be a part of his family, whether I like it or not. "Resistance is futile." (I doubted this, but he said he's seen it happen to many people. "Listen, when you look up at my mother on your twelfth visit and say 'Hey mom, can I have another bowl?', then it'll become pretty clear to you."

Eric also asked him whether or not he's prepared for this to all come crashing down around us a year from now. Whether or not he can handle that. And he said he's not thinking of the future. He's thinking of right now, and what matters right now. He doesn't want to think of the future because he's happy right now. He wants to face that future with me, and think about it when we get there.


I'm so happy.





 
 
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