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Sorry, no art till next time. I haven't scanned any of my latest work, though I do have quite a bit of new stuff.

So I had a boyfriend for about two weeks, though the relationship was through the phone which was why I broke up with him. We never did anything together. Oh well, not like I need a boy-o to be a happy Star.

Then again, school has been uber slow because I have nothing to look forward to after lunch. 7th and 8th grade went fast cos I had John to look forward to. Now that he's off at his high school, and I have no friends in my Honors classes, 6th and 7th hour go real slow. I know, this obviously means that I must make new friends in those hours, in which of course I SHALL DO SO~

I'm never home anymore. Or when I am, I do homework. Though I'm writing this journal entry now instead of finishing my Engrish homework. I dun wanna do my Engirsh homework!

Then again.... *checks SchoolView*

NOOOOOOOO! 96.51% in Science?! How could I do that? That's almost an A-! I will have to work extra hard to get that grade up! O:<

I think Monsieur accidentally took out my other extra credit. I used to have 5, now I have 3 because of the word scramble. Shouldn't it be 8 because you're adding them up? I'll have to ask him tomorrow.

Speaking of French class, it's awesome. If you say "Pas de chewing!" before class, he gives you a Starburst~

I dislike my honors classes. Well, Engrish anyway. Civics is okay, actually. I hate analyzing writing though. I mean, I love writing and I love reading. But the second I have to analyze meanings and details and do L.I.D.D.S.... ew. I mean, I understand what's going on in the writing. It's just that I usually can't word it right.

So Katie and Ericka forgot their flutes on Saturday. Katie cried about it, Ericka was just indifferent. I think I would've cried like Katie did. Actually, Ericka was condemning Katie's crying, and I meekly tried defending Katie by saying that that's what I would've done. But then Boo just jumped on Ericka and lectured her, and I agreed with everything she said. Personally, I'm starting to dislike Ericka a lot, and she's prolly starting to dislike me. Why?

I've been having less tolerance for all her complaining, and Katie told me that Ericka just sits out cause she's lazy, and personally I agree. I mean, Katie the clarinet and Boo sit out sometimes, but that's cause they have legit problems. Actually, Boo has something rong with her knee. But Boo doesn't sit out nearly as much as Ericka. I think that the root of my growing dislike towards Ericka is.... the fact that she took Cat from me.

Why would I think that? Ever since those two met, Cat has chosen Ericka over me. Seat buddies, room buddies, stretch buddies, FRIENDS. On the east coast tour, Cat said she'd be seat buddies with Ericka. When we were signing up for room buddies, I looked Cat in the eye and I thought I was receiving her nod. But then she beelines for Ericka and they're room buddies, because she gave her the look of "we're in this together". Cat is choosing Ericka's friends over us. She acts friendly towards us, but it's always about hanging with older kids and forgetting about your peers, isn't it Cat? ISN'T IT?

Why can't I be a good influence on you? You got a 2 on your Physics test, OUT OF 35! Your grades are rapidly degrading, you sneak out almost nightly to see boys or get into fights. I almost want to tell your mother about the things you do. But I don't, because your mom sucks. I dislike your mom more than I hate what you're doing to yourself. You've quit marching band, feeding me legit reasons so I wouldn't lecture you. But I've been told that you quit because Ericka said fall season sucks. Fall season is even better than summer!

Maybe you two were outcasts in marching band because you never learned the art of floating. You two are stuck in your own little worlds, created by your phones. Would you be able to survive without the phones? Or would you feel this horrible feeling because you're stuck in the real world? Kellie learned how to float. She's so quiet, but she's so happy. She's a silent smiler. During band camp, she was able to float to other meal tables, and was welcomed. She was able to join the people laying on each others' tummies, and able to join the people playing the hand game("OH MY GOD it's Mary vs. Mary! It's so intense!!!" wink . I have learned a little bit of floating, and am happier for it. Maybe you should try for new friends? I'm slowly being accepted by the bulk of the freshmen group, even though Ashley and Sami still dislike me. That's okay though, not everyone needs to like me, especially with my dislikeableness.

...I'm sorry, I ranted. I just needed to get that out. Maybe when I finally snap at them, I'll have done something worthwhile.

I'm always so silent about issues. I'm not sure what to think. Or my thoughts are there, but I can't let them out of my mouth. they sit, sticky against my throat as the conversation goes on into even more territory that I cannot speak on.

I am a follower. I watch things happen. I don't make them happen. I am not destined to be section leader of the flutes. If Miranda joins flutes, she'll be leader because she's just so cute. Just like Jenna. Maybe it's a requirement to be cute and adorable and able to be carried for one to have a shot at flute section leader.

But I have to try. I have to try speak up, be informed, take charge. Even if I look stupid, even if I try too hard, at least I won't feel so bad. Maybe if I try hard enough, maybe if I unstick my tongue and let my thoughts out.... something good will come. Even if it's not for me, if something good happens, it will be a victory.

And that will be how I intend to change myself this year.