Lately I’ve been contemplating the sense of responsibility, rather the lack of one, and justifications that people rationalize for themselves in order to do things that are of an unsavory nature. No doubt it’s a mechanism we use to protect ourselves from understanding that we are a self centered and loathsome creature in our very truest hidden self.
I often wonder what the world would be like if we could admit it to ourselves and to others. I see selfish people all the time who are quite blatant such as the iconic image of the extremely beautiful person who has life handed to them on a silver platter as they go around in a carefree manner expressing their distastes for what they despise while demanding all things they want to have. It seems to me that such a life is both happier and more fulfilling for such a person as this.
As to those of us who try very hard to remain unselfish, un-centered upon our own wants and desires I wonder if we’re struggling for no reason. After all in the grand scheme of things can you truly say to yourself that you are not self-centered in some way and not be lying to yourself? I know that I am a selfish person in many respects and in the times that I try to do right by the world I am always doing it at least in part for my own satisfaction. I do not eat meat, so I am better than others. I donate money to the homeless, so I am charitable and awesome. I donate my time to organizations that need volunteers, so I am again charitable and awesome. Even if that’s not the whole of my reasons it’s still a voice in my head that tells me to feel good about myself when I’m doing those things. Mind you, I wouldn’t change the fact that I enjoy trying to help out where I can but I can’t help but feel like a fool for it sometimes.
Let me talk a little bit about what set me off on this train of thought. A friend and I went to lunch together and it was his treat. I was grateful that he would offer and began making my selection to great criticism coming from my friend. I know this person well enough to know that the real reason behind his objections at my decisions, most loudly made for the entire restaurant to hear, was due to the fact that he had a budget in his mind to what he was buying. I got a bit upset at the way he handled it, not that he would have or could have informed me of a budget very easily if there was a problem. (No, I didn’t order lobster or anything outlandish. It was a rinky-dink sandwich shop.) So, because of my irritation he got irritated in return and demanded from me an apology.
Here is how I feel: I shouldn’t have lost my temper and allowed it to show. I should have gritted my teeth, changed my order and done nothing. In my own self-centered person I ended up leave the restaurant without eating because it was so bad it was very embarrassing and I didn’t want to stay. Plus I was still mad, it being so fresh and so insulting in its way. In the long run, neither of us ended up apologizing. I realize that I have some of my own issues to work out and being self-centered is bad for everyone. Triviality or not, such as saying “they deserved it” when referring to a disaster in Japan it is not acceptable to be so self-centered that you lose sight of your own humanity. This is our greatest weakness that we cannot see past our own eyes most of the time in every single circumstance.
Why are we cursed in these ways? Why can we not accept that all it takes is the extra effort of a few extra words, efforts, or thoughts? Why do I get so caught up in my emotions or what other people who are sitting in a restaurant I’ll never get to know think?
How long until we’re all extinct? How long until we start caring about each other?
 Amano Yoshi · Sat Mar 19, 2011 @ 09:31pm · 0 Comments |
