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Prologue:
What this title originally intended to reveal turned out to be something different, but like some old wise ******** in some ancient civilization said that people eventually coined as wise, it's not the destination that is important, but the journey. If you read this, I guarantee something will happen, whether it pisses you off, offends you, challenges fundamental beliefs you never realized you had, brings you to tears, puts you on the floor laughing, or even turns you on. Should you manage to read this in its entirety, and retain the same set of intangible facets that combine to create what you consider "you," then I will refund your defective sanity, guaranteed, although I might have to direct you to another store for replacements and repairs, such as one of our many privately sanctioned, radiation-enriched "assistance facilities."
SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED: This is long, and this requires an understanding of the English language that you should have acquired from paying attention in class, an ability to keep track of sub-layers of a topic in an organized fashion, a morbid and cynic sense of humor toward life, and a basic understand on how to operate Wikipedia, Google, and other similar gadgets should you need to research an unfamiliar concept. The last one is inevitable because no one person has the exact same pool of trivia, exposure to popular cultural memes, or other useless information floating in their head, and it's likely you'll have to do some external reference.
Introduction and Unifying Topic(It's also called a Thesis):
One of the most understated detrimental trends in our society is the lack of documentation individuals are encouraged to provide while in states of mental, psychological, emotional, and physical activity that deviate from the average.
In other words, no one tells us to write s**t down when on narcotics, therefore we lack an understanding of how our thought processes change and the benefits of personally experiencing a new outlook on anything. If everyone found the inspiration to write their thoughts down for future reference, wading through the mass we'd manage to find profound genius in the cesspool we call modern society.
Moving on.... I shouldn't have to dumb it down for anyone that would know me well enough to see this note, but.... should this ever reach the Lovecraftian Abyss we call the internet... and I'll come back to that stream on the boat ride home...
To anyone who might be blissfully ignorant that they fall into the demographic we consider an "Average American"(and I use America not out of stereotype, but out of simple day-to-day visual evidence, much in the same way that some people think McDonald's uses real eggs because powder usually doesn't turn into fluffy sandwiches when cooked... and if it does, you exception to the rule, I'd love to try some of your instant fluffy-sandwich powdered drugs.) this precautionary statement will fail to meet its intended objective.
Let me shut down a few more servers and ******** up the reception so I can slow down to your speed: What I mean, is that this is not your average high wisdom. This isn't your "today I realized bacon is a divine meat taffy mashup from the supreme god White Jesus Christ, himself" epiphany.
This is what happens when George Carlin is a zombie and tells you that eating your brain fills him up less than a piece of lettuce. Additionally, I suppose Hollywood and its wraith fascination with stick figure thin people doesn't mind such a light snack, which would explain why most actors aren't attending Ivy League colleges despite their massive income.
My original statement that I made in order to make things easier for you, ended up becoming another orgy of words. That's when I realized: putting forth the level of effort required for me to make you, should you be a normal American, understand this, would actually take up so much of my brain power that I'd be unable to write this. It'd actually inhibit the overall goal of ******** your reality upside down with a giant squid out of your wildest delusions.
So, I can't say I'll actually try. Time to man up and learn s**t, huh?
Well, ********, I can't even dumb things down without creating a document long enough to start a confederacy. I wonder at what point my fingers caught up to my brain and decided to pull a cross-country marathon, amirite? Assuming that my parts somehow each carry the intelligence of my whole(yay! I bet believing in smart body parts kickstarted early Animism. Take that, Jane Goodall. Chimps get high, think their feet can talk, and expand on that high-dea til one day, people are out there talking to Willows for advice after their grandparents died.
TODAY ON BLUE'S CLUES, LET'S LEARN ABOUT INCEPTION!!
Warning: Your faith in the integrity and factual reliability of things such as FOX News, popular culture, mainstream media, large gatherings of organized religions, and additionally the assumption of mutual trust you place upon your fellow beings, may be compromised, altered, broken with the potential to be fixed, or entirely destroyed by reading this. By reading this disclaimer, you absolve the author, as well as any and all external resources used in understanding of this linguistic sexbeast from any and all responsibility should an adverse reaction occur. Much like presciption drugs, you should consult a doctor. However, understand that a PHD doesn't exclude you from simple human stupidity, and a doctor is an expert in only a small sliver of a much larger entity. Viewer discretion is never advised, and it's advisable to take a deep breath and prepare for a dive into the void that's impossible to reverse.
***Top layer***
Back to few points prior(the pun has never really been explored in Richard Pryor's stand-up, has it? But he's not really a pun man. Nonetheless,
**this is a side note, marginal and expanding on the main text, comparable to commentary soundtracks in movies. Except this is like Sam L. Jackson attempting to get back in touch with his Black Panther Roots then discovering your great-something-grand-relative was the plantation owner who brainwashed his ancestors into believing it's okay to slice an chunk of skin off your baby's d**k**
*I'm stopping sentences mid-word and making them new paragraphs because... well, you'll see.
**If the creators of the Declaration of Independence had done this, you'd be a human wikipedia for U.S. History, my simpleton readers who lack the attention span to follow the trajectory of bullet compromising your state of mortal existence in your immediate perception of reality. By the way, Hail Eris!
**this is letting you know the side note is over. I mean, I could use rich text for bold, but would you even appreciate the convenience?**
[brackets go inside parentheses, and those other symbols in brackets when you're writing, by the way, just like in mathematical equations and when you're balancing tricky chemical equations. Reading Rainbow moment right there, which you will learn more about in a topic further down the line. See, I'm purposely withholding information from you so your interest will be captured, in the hopes you'll continue reading to have your curiosity satiated, which is another point to make. Aperture Scientific Research has shown that these techniques have been continuously implemented with a consistently high percentage of successful results among political campaigns and other activities that require you to corral the attention and support of a large herd of people or livestock. Unsurprisingly, similar correlations are found in careers throughout the fields of agriculture and animal husbandry.
****WHOA NOW, This here's what we in the Texas Collegiate Ring call the "footnotes", or "them fancy things people read when they don't get what the book's saying". I swear, it'd be a damn near Godsend if they put footnotes fer mah Idiot's Guide to Idiot's Guides audiotapes. Usin all them fancy words like some sort of rich and successful lawyer with them Yankee educations.... it's just not natural. Don't go tellin people, now, but I just don't think it's right. Smells like witchcraft. Town might have to have a "communal intervention", ya know? Reckon I'll grab the torches and let the folks come round. Always love a good lynchin out here in the South, after all.****
ASTERISK!!*Are you what lovers of the written word in a digital sense would refer to as a "Grammar Nazi?" Help cure your compulsive behavior by encouraging the sense of autonomy and defiance of conformity the label places upon you assumes you stereotypically possess, and finding new ways to challenge your grammatical evangelist addiction:
ASTERISK* 1.1 update(In the same manner Vista was the result of fanatical Firefox and Photoshop users, while attempting to proselytize the joy of exponential memory hoarding and promote the positive correlation between the duration of usage and probability that your hardware will purchase a Magnum revolver and shoot itself, channeled their septic outflow that barely meets the definition of thought to create a new age in the OS dynasty that incorporated the strategy of 98 and then mutated it into a memory sucking fiend.....
^^^Like the Dark Ages, this furthermore proved that humanity can progress only so far before hipsters try to revamp something masterful with their own spin and everything goes to s**t. Like Vista this update is a misnomer and is technically just a lengthy add-on to something that didn't need to be expanded on):
^^^^What I was getting to, Grammar Nazis, is that it is time you prove your value as an individual by defying the system! Fight back against the oppression of the wavy red lines of spell check by creating a challenge: Write so horribly that Spell Check will remove its iron grip and shake its head in overwhelming defeat.
^^^^^And that defiance, the same spirit of rebellion and promotion of ego that permeates the very foundations of every native born American's existence, is what horrible writers do every day, standing firm against the machine. So, Grammar Nazis, you too can prevent yourself from falling into the pitfall of mindless obedience!!
***END FOOTNOTE.... I dunno, son, but accordin to folks round here, you done gone and "expanded your mental horizon" or whatever fancy mumbo-jumbo they're usin these days. I suppose it's like in them zombie movies... you done gone out and got curious and now yer one of them. No worries, got me plenty of rope up back in the shed... double feature at the movies tonight, y'all!!****
Level 3!
{Back to the origin point defined by the initial bracket in this ********: I have gone out of my way to avoid using terms such as "having faith" or "believing" in reference to any forms of matter, as using such linguistic slang, despite the implicit understanding throughout our cultural savvy majority that such phrases defy literal interpretation therefore assuring that most people beserk due to idomatic semantics to the point of conceptual warfare
Level 4! It's dangeous to go alone. Here, take this master sword. I hold on to several just in case young blond men like you come round in need of assistance or to develop a mentor-student relationship with overt sexual tones. So Link, did you ever learn how to blow an ocarina? I have one in the back you can blow all you want. Hehehe.
^(p.s., carets are asshats) **and those symbols after brackets are braces. additionally i'm taking creative license that developed from my need for individual exemplification developing leukemia and finding a large tumor of ******** deciding something had to go inside braces since I lack the scholarly education in dentistry and find giving into the temptation of not giving a ******** to be a rewarding experience has yet to present any particularly difficult obstacles in the up to present context of my life.
Looks like it's the final boss for this dungeon!
(and we'll put one more set in for that unique flavor most consult Michelin guides for, unaware of the readily attainable and more pragmatic alternatives. The previous statement could help lead to a working theory on why tourists share similar subnormal synaptic activity in the areas directly responsible for intelligent thought and sense that experts in life have since proven is not as commonly spread as urban legends lead humanity to believe. Now, time to become a Scottish Ogre and venture back outward through the completion of this philosophical onion of a ********)
*cue Inception-style "kick" to reality* *and another one for Jenny and the Wimp who was too scared to complete a caret and then overcame his phobia through HTML, only to find HTML really doesn't give a s**t about his Oedipal complex*
certainly, not giving a ******** has proved to be therapeutic and pleasurable when applied habitually over set intervals**
*another kick! Just like back in the day when you were a little fetus!* *Now we're in the braces again*
... because use of such terms implies acceptance in the idea of blindly following an idea without question, and subjugates the tenets of atheism and nihilism that comprise the most optimal collaboration of thoughts to run my life as I idealize, at this current point. If I find a suitable alternative **outside of scathing jokes and a cynical yet happy outlook toward the consistent plethora of bat-s**t crazy that we reluctantly call people**, I'll be sure to let you know by a time-honored method employed by our predecessors of screaming at you like a crazy ******** then jumping on trees as I throw my poop at you. Well, maybe not. I might use someone else's poop.}
*Hey, dude, is that a light? Are we almost back up the dungeon? Aw, damn, it was just a skeleton with one of those new long-lasting portable light bulbs shove up his rear pelvic area.*
You didn't expect to take the scenic route, did you? All that rambling will lead to associating ideas you never saw the similarity in. Unfortunately, most people will take an extensive amount of time to comprehend and process what they've just seen. Back to reading rainbow!!
A Reading Rainbow moment, as I've coined it, is when you've learned something interesting and informative and find that it has enhanced your day: "The more you know!!! Reading Rainbow!!"
Of course, there is the chance that you fall into one of many age groups who either passed childhood already or weren't even thinking of leaving the testes. If this applies to you, worry not: you too can look s**t up, by yourself, with no special training or skills required! All you have to do, is kick start your brain, spray some lubricant down to remove all the accumulated rust from years of neglect, then stroll on over to somewhere with information and process the relevant media.
PROTIP: Most reference sites are masters at problem solving, as many wikis are the brain childs of geniuses who lacked the motivation to progress past I.T. jobs before their window of opportunity closed, leaving their minds hovering around yearning for something to do to fulfill their lives that doesn't involve smothering their workforce authority figures while they slumber.
***Holy s**t on a stick, there's only one more flight of stairs. You know this dungeon had to be made by an interior decorator or something, because this s**t looks awesome as ********, but any person with a inkling of pragmatism would have put a ******** elevator in, and probably used that as a metaphor for their written works, with the floor buttons being like title headings and sections, and made easy to find with bold text... well, at least, I would if I weren't busy climbing stairs. I bet I'm making Oprah look like the epitome of fitness and health right now.***
.... despite it being a deviation and therefore a compromise to an already established and successful system of comedic craftmanship that gets s**t done right, Richard Pryor has definitely shown that he possesses mad skill, and could probably take puns, even if he's never used one in his life, and work them like a seasoned prostitute making her way to a climatic finale... WITH SEXY RESULTS. Richard Pryor could take a joke and then make it his own and somehow funnier solely out of possession: if anyone else but Richard Pryor did Richard Pryor's material, it just wouldn't have that unique and unmatchable spark of character that the material is tailored for. This applies to any and all arts. You will never be Carlin or Williams or Chapelle or Cook, and you can wax poetic all you want.
The key is to learn people, learn your trade, take advice and wisdom from master craftsmen of the past and make s**t even better than before. Starting from scratch is crap. You should be taking what you know works, make it fit for you, test drive it and then modify it to work, and THEN, start fixing all the problems and obstacles and challenges that your elders died before they could finish.
With all the information in the world, why start at the base of a building when you can skim the blueprint then start adding floors to the stars? It's the reason why your kids will find solutions to problems your generation didn't fix. It's why humanity will progress forward provided we continually strive to establish and maintain a reliable foundation to our beliefs, and never let the spark that is our continual thirst for the new and original to vanish, so that we may drive forward, climb up, fix the broken, change out stagnant beliefs and EVOLVE.
*WE'RE OUT. GODDAMNIT IMMA GET ME SOME DAMN PANCAKES***
I managed to finish the final layer, what would be the original intention of this mind-blowing codex, before it actually started: that watering this s**t down would reduce the efficiency and potency of the final outcome. But hopefully it kept you trekking through until you came back up with your trophy in hand. I'm pretty sure you'll be able to find a potion should be low on willpower, or finding your mental health in mortal peril.
You're good. You did it. If you turn in your trophy to the person who gave you the quest, all you're gonna get is a high five, a slap on the back, and maybe some heartfelt verse acknowledging the level of badass you've stepped up to.
It's like an honor roll certificate, really. It's a fancy piece of paper. The sole point is to let others know, hey, you've done s**t and that somehow makes you superior.
BUT, if you've managed to be one of the however many who managed to use this at its full potential, then not only did I do it right, but you started winning before you even finished, much like kicking someone's a** when they're twice your size. Way to go, giant killer, but seriously though most giants are pretty cool guys who doesn't afraid of anything, so why would you do that?
It was the experience you were in for. That s**t may have doubled your level, or got you almost there... just one more little synapse putting it all together and.... sometimes that little synapse will just buzz in frustration for years, and sometimes it just sizzles and dies out.
This s**t ain't FDA approved. There's no promises that this will cure your ailments. This s**t ain't something you're picking up because you're so desperate for relief you'll ignore the side effects.
This is a nuclear warhead. This is s**t that will hit you in ways you won't see coming, like a violent storm of explosive mental bowel movements. You might just need a little shot and avoid this for the rest of your life. Maybe you'll be hit with a mutation at your baseline that turns into an ugly little tumor eating at you as you fight back for all you hold dear. Maybe you'll survive. Maybe it'll bite your hand and you'll wake up finding you're thinking of things on a level the majority would consider advanced, and beyond their capability: a philosophical superhero, a metahuman spin on the human condition.
Never forget that at the end of the day, you're not anything more than a skin bag holding a bunch of squishy organs. You're just as vulnerable as anyone else, and all the strength and power and learning, wisdom, enlightenment, success you obtain still doesn't prevent the absolute and inevitable cessation of your being. You will die. You will die, and your corpse will rot in the ground, or float as ashes.... however the method, you will cease to exist as a living being someday. So accept that.
It's not really hard, and it's not really scary when you think about it. It's a wasted effort to be afraid of death, wasted effort you could be using to make the time you're limited to more worthwhile and satisfying. Someday the earth will cease to exist, but most people don't fret due to the unlikely chance it'll happen during their lifetime.
But someday, the sun will incinerate the earth. If not you, then generations down the line, everything that is and was humanity living on earth, will die.
Your culture as you know it is changing, is dying, will someday fade away as people slowly kill it off.
But none of these hit the spot quite like the sweet, selfish, fear of ceasing to be, never mind the optional addition of stress many people put on themselves that they will not be able to obtain the paradise or nirvana their beliefs say they can bask in should they fulfill all their esoteric guidelines.
How many people genuinely fear the weather the in the same way they fear death, to the point they will adopt an entire faith in hopes it will give them an otherworldly safety net?
Do you go somewhere and evaluate the potential it'll be blown over from storm winds like most people avoid things based on danger to their current frame of being?
Are you investing exorbitant amounts on insurance so that when the tornado hits, your burden will remain your own?
Do you think the way some people treat weather is taboo?
The beauty of English is that you can correlate any two things via metaphor, simile, analogy, and other linguistic means. You can find the similarity in all things, which is that it's all perceived by our human eyes and human brains and human bodies.
And when we collectively, as a species, realize that the a*****e next to us is composed of the same building blocks you are, that it's highly likely that you both were born from crawling or being cut from the body of your mom, that you both were kids who wanted love and cried and pooped and did stupid things..
When you realize that there's no way we can ever completely eliminate violence, or greed, or envy, or lust, or pride, egotism, power play, manipulation, depression, rage, ignorance, stupidity, laziness, blind faith, stubborness, or any other thing that flaws and dulls our collective shine, simply because you can't control hormones and chemical reactions, impulse, instinct, emotion, dreams....
You can try so hard to suppress them, but they're likely to reach a point where your levee breaks, and everything you strived for so that you'd be safe and secure will flood over and fall to ruin.
You can deny them, and face years of struggle as you try not to stare your self in the face while its nagging away for your attention, like a petulant child who wants nothing more than their mother's love and presence.
You can try to fix them, but we're far too early in our epic technological skill tree to actually modify and correct the way your brain is processing chemicals at a molecular level, and the only real way to fix an irrational tangled heap of emotional miasma is to let it come out now, before it eddies into the kind of maelstrom that can kill you in its midst.
Nope. We're all assholes.
You have to realize you could kill somebody. You could rape somebody, if you wanted to. You could be thief or tyrant or commit terrible acts of humanity. You might not do so, but you, just like every other bipedal primate of our homo sapiens species, have that potential. You can be aggressive and bare your teeth, you could be stabbing your friend instead of hugging them, you could be taking food from a dying man so that you may live for another chance to see the sun set.
I'm a human, and that guy over there is a human, and if the guy was a murderer I would want to see him die in turn, and I understand that my desire to restore balance through enacting justice, and my sick sense of satisfaction, that feeling I'd get that the world just got rid of another parasite to society, it's still satisfaction and happiness from the death of another.
If I wasn't getting my kicks from that, I could be getting my kicks from killing people, just like the man that would make me smile a little when he died.
You're just as human as the most evil human is. Forgiveness is an attempt to quell our primal desire to kill what threatens us, to defend our own, and it fails frequently.
Let yourself be angry, and you'll realize it goes away a lot faster, and while you may not forgive, or wish to absolve someone from the mistakes they've made, it'll hurt less, and apathy, an understated human emotion, will creep in and help you stop feeling so crazy and helpless, and you can only heal as fast as you'll let yourself.
It's not about getting over something, it's about taking something and putting it away until it's needed, and being able to go on. Don't forget, don't put on a smile because your friends think you b***h too much, just put your issues back up on the coat hanger when you come inside and keep the place you're in all the time, your ******** mind, clean. Tripping over s**t and losing s**t and breaking, messing s**t up and dirtying your nice clean things, it happens on a level you should be constantly on.
Above all, realize that you don't have to be a good person because everyone says you should, but if you just think more, and learn more, and attempt to understand the unknown and never let your curiosity, your creativity, your passion, your drive, to learn and experience the new and the old and all the things we have in the world, to let yourself get hurt so you can learn to roll when you fall, to let yourself bleed the poison out so your wounds won't rot and fester, to let go of the reins you put on other people, that's it useless and futile to try to control others because as a human, there will come a time where you can't even control yourself...
When you realize that the only reason you, or your family, or your friends, your lover, your kids, your job, society, the world, the church... the only reason you've ever been hurt is because at some point, someone in the equation has been trying to figure out the same brain-mess-chaos that is the same struggle of every human being, and that that fight affects everyone in a different way, that there are a million different ways to solve your issues and none of them are wrong until you decide they are,
and that for everything you think you know about a person, for all the years you may have had this deep bond, for every bit of intimacy it may convey, YOU ARE NOT THEM, and you will never be them, and the only way you're going to find out the whole story from both sides is to ask them your damn self, and so many things have ******** up in our history just because someone was scared to step up and communicate.
We have hundred of unique languages formed from cultures that shaped the structure, meaning, intent, definitions, and flow of our mouths, solely to communicate to others. If you were a hermit, you'd never need to speak, and language exists solely because we are a social creature.
So many people just give up, don't see the importance in one of the fundamentally "human" developments, a component that was essential to this very moment. They talk to people half-assed, assuming we'll pick up all the implied content, sublety, sarcasm... and that s**t is not going to happen, and I've no clue why we still do it.
If you want to convey something to another person, you need to communicate completely.
You have to think about what you're saying before you say it. Can this s**t be taken in a different tone? Should I say that "You know, you have a test next week and all you do is sit at the computer..." or can I convey myself better with more words:
"There's a test next week for your class, and instead of studying you've been at the computer all day. I know the internet's great to unwind and pass time with, but it's also distracting you from something much more important that is going to have a much greater impact that if you didn't respond to that comment on your wall fast enough. I'm afraid and worried that you're going to be unprepared and make a low grade, and I know that if you don't do this now, you're going to be beating yourself up later over it, so I'd appreciate if you could at least show me that you've prepared for it before you push it off to the side."
Oh yes, there's so much there you could plug a sinkhole in Venezuela, I know. THAT'S THE POINT. We didn't make words that are similar with a slight difference because back in the day it was a national pastime, ********. Learn the language you communicate with, and learn it well, because if there is ANYTHING you should be able to do so well it comes as naturally as breathing, it should be being able to honestly, opening, and efficiently communicate with others. Humans on a whole, exceptions always prevalent, are social. Even if you don't think you are, you are. You communicate over the internet because you're social, but you're lacking the confidence to go out and do that s**t in real life.
You may be jaded and resentful because of it, but it's confidence. You don't wanna ******** up, be embarrassed, and potentially have your "pride" or "honor" or silly things we've created because wanna be better than everyone else without having to fight for the alpha status or die. You never got the knack of it, social interaction, and you may have given up or messed up royally once and never tried again. You may have been great and had something traumatic occur and never fully recovered...
And it's all piling over itself because you never waded through and found the problem at the bottom. I understand: the last thing I want to do is go through my awkward issues and problems that make me feel uncomfortable, but, just like you're supposed to go get your tits clamped or a finger up your a** when you're older for checkups, this is one of those things in life that sucks but helps you out.
Like vegetables! Or math for some, or getting on your boss's good side even if they're a complete asshat, or keeping your mouth shut if you're riding shotgun and your friend is pulled over, or resisting the urge to punch someone when they're in a more formidable group than you, or working for dimes to get things paid...
This completely mad rant, composed as a I my fingers clattered away on the plastic letters of a keyboard, which started as I ventured through the highs of an altered mind and ends as I begin to come back to the thought process I find changing in ways I never expected, reminds me why I write, rekindled a love for the beautiful, sexy, moldable, semantic, emotional, wonderful ability to convey even the most absurdly wicked and radical ideas through a combination of 26 letters.
This is language, and life, and anyone who has said that actions are louder than words never sat down and took the time to realize that:
You can't hold a fart in forever, you don't control your breathing, your heartbeat, or when you blink. You can't keep a boner down when your lizard brain wants sex, and getting wet isn't something you control with a switch.
You can try and try, but you're gonna go auto pilot when you drive, you're going to kill insects without meaning to, you're going to miss the hidden meaning in a statement, you're going to do something bad when your intentions were good, you're going to want to sit on your a** and do nothing for days sometimes, and some days it's just fun to go outside and break bottles or throw rocks at ponds.
Most of you, were you to see a man hit a woman, are going to feel ******** up about without even understanding the immensity of all the influence your society has around you, from birth, to condition you this way.
You may decide to never have kids, but you're still going to feel like there's something you should be able to do to help a kid when they're hurt.
Most of you feel good when you pet an animal, or run your fingers in someone's hair, and you can't pinpoint it.
You're going to buy something from somewhere and have absolutely no idea where it was made, how, from what, who did it, or where your money is going after the transaction, and not give it thought.
It's quite possible you got your job for your resume and grades, degrees, and skills, but very rarely is it that you were accepted on that basis alone. There are people competing against you at any moment, with equal standing, sometimes more or less, and you'll find you were hired because you were an effective communicator and able to use language as it is meant to be used. You may have been hired for being hot, but you could be Jessica Alba and jobless if you came in with stained shirts and dockers, because you failed to communicate effectively that you respect the person in front of you with the power to grant you an opportunity to sustain yourself. You may not have meant it, but you managed to imply that you don't care about the interview, that you just walked in out of bed with no more importance placed on getting this position than taking a s**t, just by treating it like a everyday meetup, and that's stopped many a wonderful, smart, creative designer and inventor in their tracks because:
People can't read your ******** minds, and people will think like themselves until they know otherwise, and therefore people will see you do something and put themselves in your place and think that the reason why they would do such a thing is exactly why you did it.
BECAUSE UNTIL YOU START TALKING OR WRITING OR SPEAKING, THAT'S THE BEST WAY TO WORK WITH IT.
If you don't wanna talk with someone, or let them know things honestly, if you want people to interpret you in a way you don't intend, or assume things, or speak behind your back because they feel they can't communicate with you for one reason or another...
Here's a convoluted example of thought process I've noticed frequently, made into a super hyperbole of ******** and stupid (and you will laugh, cry, and wince as you venture forward):
Quote: I mean c'mon girlfriend, does this dress make me look fat? I just ask him to test him sometimes, just because I like seeing him freak out a little. I could be getting a little enjoyment out of his misery, because to be honest, and I hate admitting stuff like this, but it helps me assert my position and stay in control, because seriously, I'm really insecure that if I just let him be his own person he's gonna ditch me for someone better because I think there are people better than me, mainly because I've been setting my expectations based on what others think I should be, and not what I really wanna do, because I think I don't have a choice, because it's so hard, and I'm just one person of billions, and everyone's always telling me I gotta do this and I'm just too damn lazy to get off my a**, figure out what I want and what I need right now, how to do, and ignore what all those haters say. Yeeeeeeaaaa girrrrl, it's just so much easier to sit back and play the game with all the other boys and girls. I mean, I never put much thought into it, but in the movies men are always just waiting for the leash to loosen up, and movies are totally applicable to real life, chick! You can't deny that, they put so much focus on the news and crap, but it's kinda weird how like, my mom and her old friends say that they used to talk about more boring things like the economy and celebrities were famous, but they weren't on CNN. I mean, I really don't believe her, Hollywood is the most important city in America. Wait, the white house? Um, no, but old icky politicians aren't trying to solve anything important, you know, like Angelina Jolie's totally saving kids from hunger... um, well, yea, it's not like we've got better things to do here. Our country's awesome, b***h! Oh, what do you mean, am I gonna marry him? I mean, I dunno, I just don't know if it's the real thing. Isn't it supposed to be really special? But I mean, if he asked me, I'd totally say yes. I mean, if there was a crowd, then I mean, you just can't say no, right? People think you're like a b***h and nobody likes bitches, girl. I mean, I guess you're a b***h if you're talking s**t.... no, ******** that b***h alisha, she's slept with every guy she's been with and she's always saying she's for an "open relationship" and "full disclosure" and business-sounding s**t like that but I mean really, it's just bisexuals, they're doing it for the sex. Could I do that? Hell no! It's not right, you're in a relationship and it's special. Um, yea, I've got um... well, why do I need to pay attention to all my ex's? It's not like I'm into them anymore, so sometimes you just forget about them and they all blend together.... Him?!?! NO, that a*****e, I dumped HIM. I come home and he's playing videogames with some skank... she's got like shorts and a tank on next to MY man, b***h, I don't give a s**t if it's July, but she looked like some ho from a porno or something. Yea, my air conditioning did get fixed, FINALLY. No, he was all like "shes my friend and i went to preschool with her." Well you never mentioned her before!! If she's your besssst friend how come since we started goin out last week I haven't seen or heard about her? I mean, you should spend time with your friends. Oh, and he was always gone. He'd come up to me and be like "I'm doing for drinks with my friends tomorrow night." Which is cool and all, but oh my god, like, I started feeling pretty bad, like I had a headache and I was tired, so I didn't wanna go... no, he doesn't HAVE to invite me, we were GOING OUT, it's my right as his girlfriend. I mean, it's not like I'd get mad if he came along with us and got our nails done. But argh, I didn't even really wanna go drinking ANY way... but he ditched me!! He left me practically DYING on the couch and he's all "I told you already" like that's somehow supposed to stop you from TAKING CARE OF YOUR GIRLFRIEND WHO DETERMINES WHEN YOU GET A b*****b. I mean, do guys think they're getting laid when they ******** up? You know I swear they're just animals, sex is all they think about, but then they don't even think about how they're not gonna get laid if they do stupid s**t like that. Um, no, I can't let him KNOW he's not getting head unless he stays home with me when I feel icky. Um, duhhh, then the horny ******** just gonna start working it to his advantage, and that's totally one-sided. It's a test, dur, I'm with him so he should be putting his "friends" aside and start to put a little more importance on me. Girl, NO, it don't matter if it's a week or a year we've been together, I'm not his friends. His friends ain't gonna have sex with him. I mean, he wants sex, I provide it, so I'm important. DO I enjoy it? Oh yea, most of the time. Nah, he really doesn't know where to go sometimes, but you can't tell guys that or they take it all personal and then they'll never EVER stop bugging you about it, argh. It's not like I WANT TO LOOK AT MY OWN v****a. Seriously, I don't get how guys like it... it's so ugly and they're always saying "we don't care about if your legs are shaved" but b***h, you know when you're at the club they aren't picking up Ms. "OMG I wanna get a man but I just ran out the door last minute with my hairy legs and jeans and ugly t shirt, hair all ******** up and my makeup off.." If they wanted ugly bitches, ugly bitches would be in Playboy magazine, sister. Airbrushing? HAHAHAHA yea right, if they were painting over scars and making their boobs bigger I would totally notice. You can point out fake a mile away, girl. Well, duh, obviously they're staying fit for the photo shoot then letting themselves relax after, that's why they get so fat. Look at National Enquirer, I mean ughh. Celebrities do some stupid things, but I mean, it's important stuff. I don't wanna go to the next Transformers movie and it's all stupid because some b***h replaced Megan Fox cause she's in jail. I mean, hell no. That's my movie, that's my thing. But I guess they're okay, I mean if everyone just got along and we just went over and helped people we'd solve a lot of problems. War? I mean, is that still going on over there? I guess I just moved onto something different and got tired of it, all this "bombs blahblahbla" and "genocide blahblahblah" like get it together, people! You guys were just scared to stand up for yourselves, but if you'd stop being so proud and just let us help you... I mean it's OKAY to accept help when you need it... No girl I don't want that burger, I have food at home! Wait, what? There's oil in the desert? I dunno about that, girl, I mean, sand doesn't even have like the same... um... elements? as oil. Oil's Texas, and I bet there's probably some in China too or something, but they're so uptight about it... well now that you mention it, I never did read that made in China tag on my shoes. Hmm, I guess if they made heels like this they can't be too bad. Pretty creative, it's gotta take em forever for the one guy to make each pair, I mean, isn't make shoes and stuff like a fashion designing thing? I can't even sew buttons, girl. But yea, I dumped his a**, because he was lying to me... no I KNOW THIS, check it out, I come home like a day or two later and she's just sitting on his couch. OUR couch. Well, technically, yess, he bought it, okay ms nitpicky, whatever.. but like, she's on my couch watching s**t on my satellite. No, you can't just ask her s**t, she's gonna lie, you gotta play it cool... girl, listen and learn. I'm all "Oh, hi Alisha, what are you doing here?" And she starts saying they were "swimming" and he's in the shower. Total lie, girl, cause I get up on her and she SMELLS like my man. Like his Axe Body Wash and everything. I just know they slept together, and I mean, really, the fact that he not only withheld all that, but flat out LIED to me, and he didn't even like text me... well, yea, I mean, I can in trouble, but if he sent me a text at work I'd totally read it, I tell him don't do it unless it's important so I'd definitely notice. I feel kinda used, girl. Like he wouldn't even talk to me honestly. Relationships are supposed to be about honestly and stuff. I mean, I saw hot guys but I wasn't gonna go cheat on him with them... hell no I'm not gonna tell him I think some other guys are hot!! Then he would think I was trying to sleep with like, Enrique. I mean, that b***h is MY BEST FRIEND. Well, yea, he's straight... I know, right? He's gotta be like, the most sensitive, caring, femmy straight guy ever. He's like an exception to the rule. Seriously I thought he was gay until I saw some naked tit pics from one of his girlfriends when I was looking through his phone. What do you mean? Argh, seriously, if you've got nothing to hide then there's no reason you'd care if someone went through your phone. I mean, you gotta ask me though, I don't want you messing up my setting or deleting my s**t, and I'd have to log out of FB, I mean, you could see all my messages and it'd violate some trust my friends have for me. OMG, girl, we have thinking WAY TOO HARD about s**t, huh? I'm so stressed out.... you know what? I just got paid. I mean, it's not much after bills, but I got just enough for some shoes!!! I bet I could get a little more, I mean, the electric ain't due til next week... pushing it back isn't gonna hurt, right? Girls gotta spend time on themselves. But damn, wouldn't it be nice, get yourself a man with a nice body, well, I mean, personality's more important than looks but you can't let yourself go.. and he can't be a loser, chick. He's gotta have a car, a job, a house... I don't want no momma's boy, no ma'am. Then I mean, like, we'd test the waters, and he'd let me move in and I could drop some of my bills and stop worrying so much, plus I'd have more money to just get a little girl time. Been eyeing that purse too, great clearance sale down the street!! And I mean, hopefully he's the boss of somewhere or something, and maybe he'd be making so much I'd just be able to quit and sit back a little. You know Tina? Her man did that, and they just got married, FINALLY, I know, 2 years right?!?! What took you so long? Yea and all she does is sit back and you know, like if s**t's REALLY dirty she'll tidy up. Um, what the ********? HELL no, I am not some kinda concubine or whore or something b***h, I'm not gonna "put out" because he's paying. No, just because I'm not making a super crazy high amount of money, and I mean you know guys make more than girls... um yea, he's got a degree, but he had a scholarship, plus it shouldn't be making you THAT MUCH MORE MONEY, it's just a bunch of extra classes. We had more learning during high school, for real. But no, he's gotta treat me like a woman. Open the door, pull out the chair... he's gotta have manners, and I know them momma's are raising them well, they just ain't listening. Seriously, it's not like we hold all this s**t back or anything. And I mean, they think like they can just poke our boobs when we're out at the club, but this is MY body and you DO NOT ******** with someone else's stuff without their permission. No no no no, you HAVE to say yes or no. If I don't say yes, there's no permission to do it. But I mean, usually I'll cut him some slack sometimes, I mean if they're really stressed at work, picking up extra hours so he can make a little more money, and I mean, that's the kinda of man you need, always making a name for himself, and I mean, a little extra cash means I can that necklace, right? OMG, AND his manager, you know my ex, his boss, what a b***h, always trying to deny overtime and s**t. She tried to pull some nice lady bullshit: "Maybe you should take a vacation or something, looking tired and stuff" bullshit, b***h is trying to fire my man or some bullshit. I bet they got some clause about manager-coworker relationships, because I swear when I went to visit him at work and I was all talking to him she was just staring at him non-stop and then she came up and was like "Um, you need to wait til you are off the job to chat" but I mean, he was obviously doing his job, so what gives? Trying to get her b***h nails on him, scared me a little, but you know most women higher up in management are sluts or total prudes. You're either sleeping your way up, or you're not letting it distract you. Yea, sex is a distraction. Well, duh, it's always on men's brains, so they gotta deal, but I mean, we can turn it off. Well, I mean, not when I see like, Brad Pitt, uh duh, that ain't gonna "cool down" on its own... We've been talking about this s**t forever girl. Don't worry, someday we'll be up top and all the men below us are gonna call us bitches but it ain't gonna bug me, girl, cause I'm gonna make it the right way, no slut s**t or nothing, just hard work and good social skills and integrity. If you're never lying, you can't get in trouble at work unless you're lazy, that's just common sense. It's not like your boss can fire you if you did nothing wrong or anything, so you're totally set. Unless they're a b***h, because bitches just fire chicks for no reason sometimes, and you can't even use a little asset to set the scales even, so totally no choice. Yea, girl, it's tough. Really, you think I'm wise? I dunno, girl, but yea, I'm pretty sure I've figured it out so far.
This is continued in part 2!! lookie!!
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 Simim · Mon Aug 08, 2011 @ 08:55pm · 0 Comments |
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