Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

As I lay beside you last night,
I couldn't help but cry.
Silent tears, so I wouldn't wake you,
Because I can't bare for you to see just how badly this is tearing me apart.

But I realize that maybe I really can't do this,
That maybe.... this whole "friendship" just isn't even realistic.
You're too okay with this relationship ending, I can barely wrap my head around it because I actually love you.

Not to say you don't.
But it certainly doesn't seem like it.

I just can't help but feel this is a roller coaster I'll never conquer my fear of.
I can't continue to be brought down and broken, and then suddenly lifted so quickly.
Its not even realistic, I'm sorry, to believe we could fade from dating to a friendship a few hours after the break up.

We are both naive for even thinking that was an option.
Why were we so stupid, as to believe in this chance?

I just need to get away from you.
I just need to get it in my head you aren't my boyfriend, just my "best friend."
But even then, you don't feel like a best friend either.

I just need to get away before it feels like I'm struggling to breathe.
I just need to get away before you make it so I'm always trapped in a web of your discontent and desirse.

I just need to get away.
And I'm not sure if I'll come back again.

Thank you for everything, but I can't do this.