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Drown
She laid there, her arms wrapped tightly around a teddy bear, as the dams of her mind creaked from the increasing pressure. Mentally she stood at the base and just watched in fear… she couldn’t stop it this time. Cracks started to form and the contents started trickling through. She could feel it; the waning of her strength. Insecurities, doubts, and fears- they all pushed their way through with increasing ferocity. These things that were so small… yet numbered in the hundreds, perhaps thousands. Chunks of the dam were completely removed at this point. Loss, confusion, and loneliness now coursed through her mind like an angry river. They destroyed everything in their path, consuming it, drowning it. Finally the whole dam let loose. The innumerable things that she had hidden away were now all rushing down on her, drowning her. She opened her mouth to scream for help only to have her lungs filled with the doubt that no one would ever come to save her. No one ever had in the past. This wasn’t the first time that the dam had broken. Memories that she didn’t want rushed through her mind with gale force knocking down anything that had once stood tall and had weathered the river from earlier. These things that she choked so heavily on… self-loathing, hatred, guilt. Self-loathing was the one restricting her the most. She tried to remind herself that she had done all that she could, that she wasn’t to blame. She couldn’t let these things win, if they did, there was no saving her. With a strength she didn’t know she had, she pushed them out of her body and came to the surface. Just as quickly she was pushed under by a new wave. She thrashed, trying to fight it off and found herself losing the battle. How did she ever think that she could actually win? It was a hopeless battle, she knew. The water found it’s way into her lungs again and she sputtered, a brief and weak attempt to fight it off but it only brought more and more in. Still, no one came. Her eyes closed as her limbs numbed and grew heavy. Soon her body fell to the bottom where it laid there limply, and unmoving. Maybe this was the path she was supposed to take; maybe she was supposed to let these things drown her.
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