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I feel like my life is just a wheel.
Round and around it goes, and I have nothing to show for it other than age and a little more experience.

I always found myself back in square one.
At odds with my sister.
Trying to decipher my significant other.
Wondering why I have such shitty friends.
Feeling crazy because I care too much.

It still always proves to be true, the only person I can definitively lean on is you, Bri.
It feels weird when I write some of these journals, because I feel like I'm writing to you.
It gives me that nostalgic feeling of the narration style of Nana.

I feel like I'm too obsessed with Nana. I feel like if Ai doesn't continue this year, all hope is lost and I'll spiral into an immense level of depression.

Your birthday is close.
Almost 22.

Can I be honest and say I regret that we got into that fight?
Can I be honest and say I wish I was in San Francisco by your side?
Can I be honest and say I want to redo things, take back all those stupid fights where we lost each other for months at a time?

Can I be honest and say that I'm so grateful for you? That you're the only person I believe I can love completely and totally and I don't know how we ever got to this point, even though I feel like we've been here for so long?

If we took a stroll down memory lane, would you feel satisfied with the way our friendship has progressed over the years? Or would you feel like you've made a huge mistake keeping me in your life?

You are the only person in this world that I will consider when I make huge decisions. Your opinion is the only opinion that's ever mattered. That ever will matter.

I feel like I've been holding onto you tighter lately, but I'm not 100% sure why. I think, to be honest, I just really miss you.

It's weird, this feeling of missing you. I feel like I'm not whole because I'm not sure where you are right now. It hurts to go months without hearing your voice. I wish we called for more than bad news.

I don't want us to become people who only come together because of funerals as we grow old. I want to wake up in the morning, walk to the center of our flat and find you there, sipping on green tea or coffee or OJ or water. I want you to look at me, with a sleepy smile, and know that even if we're on opposite sides of the apartment, we're only feet away.

I love you.