Emotional investments are a pain in the a** and I have officially determined this. Maybe I am not as emotionally fit as I could be but I have figured out that investments in people are much more devastating then investments into the stock market. It is really amazing how we as social beings invest in others, it almost defies my own logic and ideals. There will always be an amount of uncertainty when you go and add people into your "Circle" What gets me is how much emotions come out when you talk to friends. You have those friends who are easily psyched up and when you go through with an epic plan and it isn't taken advantage of as much as you wanted it to be and it ends up being a bust. Or those friends where you confide in and want to just talk with but it doesn't end up the way you were hoping and then they disappear and you make yourself feel depressed because you feel like you were wrong. I woke up today like normal, which is relatively neutral and dull. I had made an awful mixed drink the night before and was thoroughly disappointed.
I had a rough night at work the day before so I figured what was the harm in one mixed drink. My boss who I have really grown accustomed to having be my boss is leaving our store to chase bigger stores and I am happy for her but it really sucks because now I have to prove my worth to this new manager that is going to take over either Monday or Tuesday. Yippee I get to be a try hard again and a brown noser. What else? Well I am disappointed by how many tennis tournaments I had to miss this year, there is a tournament coming up but since it falls on fathers day weekend? it is going to be small! This tournament is going to be horrible because my former tennis coach from high school(2011) is hosting it and he is letting it become a memorial tournament.... WTF?! at least it should shut his face up about his brothers passing(R.I.P but it was 12 years ago..) My relationship to that family is a long and complicated one and in truth way to ashamed to even consider explaining because it is a mess and even im way to ashamed to bring it up to my therapist.
The good thing about this though is that I am going to stay at a hotel so I don't have to drive back and forth from my town to that town, its easily an hour both ways.. I would rather save a trip and enjoy a nice hotel, I shall consider it a mini vacation. I have also been deciding about a week trip in July, I want to begin my travels and deciding on San Antonio or Phoenix! Both sound really amazing regardless of how hot they are right now, haha who travels to the hottest temperature states in JULY?! I do go figure. Ill be dying but I really am in an exploration mood, just as long as I can get through June 24th with my freedom intact X_X I have to face pretty heavy stuff all by myself and it really eats away at me. I have always been alone and have never relied on anyone else, this is something I have tried to work on but it is so hard.
AHHH what I wouldn't do to go and play paintball, I have discovered new music and it psyches me up all the time I can't wait till they release those wireless ear buds I am going to buy them right away because that would be epic! I have also been pondering about getting a new tattoo it has been a while since my first one, I want something really unique and to say "Don't Look Back. Your Not Going That Way." This phrase has helped me push through my depression episodes I keep ending up in. I just need a creative spark and decide where I want to get it. I am really thinking about putting it on my left forearm, display it so I can tell people this is how I dealt with my bullshit, this phrase and design right here. Yeah, that should help stroke my Leo Ego that I am trying to increase, its hard though. End Transmission.
· Sun Jun 14, 2015 @ 09:04am · 0 Comments