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So I was originally bummed bc I was being flirty with Chloe earlier - and she was like, "no, actually don't touch me" and I'm like ahh.. I crossed the line, fuuuuck. and then I realized I had been acting too "couple"-y with her, and that's why I had been so happy the last day or so.. and that tanked my mood too.

So I'm giving her distance and I completely ******** off, but my mood did ******** sink back to where it belongs, rock bottom.

So her boyfriend messages me, and of course the only reason he ever messages me is because I'm literally seen as chloe's dog, I suppose -- you play nice with the dog to get the girl, and since I'm her best friend (am I even still..?) he's been friendly with me

except he only ever messages me to use me as a tool to extend his flirting to chloe irl. Which... that's fine.. I guess? Actually no, it's not fine at all, but I'll very slowly but surely bash into his face that "I'm not going to play your stupid ******** game just because you want in my ex's pants, kemosabe."

Chloe tells me how much he likes me, "you're senpai" etc, and like.. lol, of course he wants you to think that, because YOU care about me, so HE has to seem like he cares about me. It's the oldest play in the book. I was wrong when I said he was like me.. he's not deep enough to be like me. Everything he talks about to me is so .. surface level. I guess that's because you don't go into philosophy and deep discussion with a dog, you play with the dog and get the dog to interact with it's owner so you can melt HER heart.

I guess I'm happy for her, I'm happy for them, I hope they live a happy life.. BUT... everyone needs to ******** right off. If she starts trying to use me to flirt with him, "OH TELL HIM THIS THIS" I'm going to be like, no.

The first day it was funny, it was a game.. and now I'm not playing along anymore, because I see this for what it really is. "oh don't show her these messages, hee hee" like.. no. she can read it if she wants, I don't care. I'm not playing along anymore, I'm not going to be you guys ******** dog.

I might not come home tonight, I might just start walking down the highway and see where I end up. I might hitchhike up north, and just.. keep going. see what's out there, leave all of this behind. nothing matters here.. it's just the same s**t, different face.

same games, same reactions, same outcomes, the lot of it. I don't care anymore. I don't think I ever cared, but I was happy.. I don't know. Whatever.

Let the decay set in, let it all rot around you..