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So a while ago, in my xanga (that died), I made this metaphor for a guy I had a little school girl crush on. 3nodding Note: I don't get guys easily, I'm not exactly magazine beauty. So the metaphor started with me in a hole, underground. Except, this is a good hole. There's a shovel there. I want to find the treasure (going out with the guy). I could dig my way there (Me talking to him, being active in the pursuit, and eventually asking him out). Or I could follow a predug tunnel, I'm not sure if it goes to the treasure, but there's a somewhat good chance it does. (Me waiting for him to aks me out). I kind of decided to do both, follow the tunnel and start digging halfway through. Well that pretty much ended in me finding the treasure (asking him out), but finding out the treasure had a time limit on it (he has to wait about a year to date, religion). I could either wait down there for the time limit to go off, or go up to the surface and look around for new treasure that most likely won't have a time limit. I decided to wait with the treasure, that promised the time would go off when it was set to, around the month April, and it would go off for me.



Well, about half way through the timer, it decided to tell me that it wasn't going to go off in April. Or at least, it wasn't going to go off for me. It said that it doesn't like to be with one.. uhh... treasure holder for a long period of time. And that it liked being locked, and wanted to stay that way. It says this like I should accept it and go on in my cheery way. Now, you have to realize, I can't get treasure easily. Infact, this is the first time I've even had a glance at a treasure chest, let alone the treasure inside. I've tried digging many times for a treasure, but I've had a cave in each time. So during this whole conversation when the treasure is telling me it wants to stop the timer and stay locked, the treasure brings up past treasure/treasure holder relationships, and what he likes in treasure holders. Which happens to not be anything like me, of course.



Now I know the promise the treasure made in the beginning, that it would wait more than a year, and wait specifically for me, is a bit unrealistic. But if the treasure says it is a "drifter" and cannot "stick with one person", then it should never have made that promise in the beginning. I've waited, underground, for 5 long months. The whole time I;ve looked forward to when that day comes that the treasure unlocks. I've cut myself off from the rest of the world for this. I. Want. The. ********. Treasure. To. Unlock.



Now the reason for this sudden turned off timer device and lack of interest? The treasure brings up things from the past, from way in the past, that the treasure says are hurting it now. Things that heal with time. Things that have no relevancy, and are completely solved by now.



This all started when I asked the treasure if it was going to take part in an activity that I could to with it. It said it couldn't. I asked why. Then, sudden long drawn out explanation.I say I feel a little broken hearted. Each and everytime there is a cave in, I lose trust. I lose hope. I lose a great deal of self esteem. I said it feels like I've been brought up to a magnificent cliff over looking a sunset, just to be shoved off and not cared about, and to accept it spontaneaously.



I feel like I'll never find my treasure. Never even find a ******** shovel. There's this certain thing you have to have a lot of to find treasure. We'll measure it in... marbles. Now, people that are in a long treasure holder/ treasure relationship, or have had a lot of those relationships, or are just experienced in that, probably have a lot of marbles, like 100. Marbles are basically what help you get into a treasure/treasure holder relationship. I on the other hand, have maybe half a marble. Yeah, a fricken half a marble. I really, am not going to be able to find another treasure as quick as the timer one thinks. Or.. (what it feels like), ever.



So then I tell the treasure that I'm really sorry for all that it went through that long time ago, but doing this hurts me. I feel like you don't care, like I don't matter. You can't take me up just to drop me. So it responds. But, it responds to the first part only. Saying how I don't need to be sorry, and it made mistakes but has paid for them, and it is fine. It? IT?! AAAAAAAH! >_< I JUST SPENT 5 ******** MONTHS UNDERGROUND WITH YOU, WAITING, PRETENDING TO LIKE YOUR JOKES, LOOKING FOR EVERY CHANCE TO BE NEAR YOU! I DON'T ******** CARE THAT YOU GOT OVER A 2 WEEK RELATIONSHIP THAT WAS MORE THAN A YEAR AGO!



Except that's not what I said to it. It was more like that it should not have promised me, and told me to wait, and pulled me along, led me on. Made me believe it was going to open and share it's treasure with me. Then sucker punched me in the heart.



Soo... if you read all that, you deserve a few dozen gold stars. If you read it all and cared, you get a few hundred gold stars. If you read it all, cared, and commented, you get a ******** bar of gold.

And if you haven't realized, this is all a metaphor for something real happenng in my life making me a bit irked right now.