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Warning to people who know me in real life: This may change our relationship somehow... But know, I gave you 9 bucks worth of Pocky today.


My friends all know that I have been rather ******** up recently. Hell my buds at lunch ask what's wrong and I can't tell them. I hate it. I hate it so much I just want to scream... and I never scream.
This month has been ******** up majorly. First off, I turned 14. 14 is hell from what I know right now. Then me and Ann broke up. I really do love her, ((Yes Ann I love you.)) but not like I want to marry her... If she asked I would consider it. Then 20 seconds later after me being single, Mike asks me out.
I love Micheal so much. I would do mostly anything for him, from just kissing him to giving him a BJ. But I am not going to because I had a dream I did, and he had the same dream. Majorly creepy. But I found out from a friend that he might be cheating on me, I had my suspicions because we were going to go see happy feet the weekend we got together but we never did... I ask about that next time I see him.
Back to Mike cheating on me. Lea asked him if he was and he denied it. I don't trust him because he is a man-whore. I gave up on being angry at him a day ago.

And Zachary... Zachary Zachary Zachary... we were together for like a week. But I am either in love with the man or just lusting after him. I don't know or care . Lydia is with him and they are so god damn cute together. ^_^ Know, you two, that I think you are teh sweetest and most likely to work out for the longest. I love you.

Leah is my partner in crime, but we don't do much crime together. She knows the most about me than any of my friends, including Jamaica. Maybe it is because I helped her through her hardships and now she is just there for me to complain to.
But she really pisses me off. Molesting me... making me think... Things that are just normal for her to do are really starting to irk me. I can't blame much of it on her, more on the people who don't do anything when I am begging for them to help me. Like today, Leah was doing what she does and when I asked Mike to ******** tell her to stop he shook his head no. Gah! What idiot does that? He was looking at some of Lydia's art or something and Leah was messing with his girlfriend? Damn it.
I love Leah to bits. I kissed her today. And I don't know why. Maybe I do but I just can not allow myself to believe what it could be.

Chelsea loves me. She told me about what Mike was doing and only a true friend would do that.

Lydia, the sweet innocent one. Brilliant artist. I love her too. Nothing that she does bothers me in anyway shape or form.

My friends seem like they are the only things to make me happy. Or sad. Or mad or confused... I love 'em all, some more than others but thats only because a few of us have a longer history.


I really think I need pills or a counselor. I can only tell them so much and even just telling them doesn't take the pain away.