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dear whoever is reading this,
hm... i dunno.... today was fine i guess. I love to stay after school on thursdays cause i get to hang out with my friends, especially my boyfriend -blushes a tiny bit-
eh... I've been thinking to myself for a long time... maybe that's why I've been really tired lately... i haven't got any sleep or I've been going to sleep pretty late and that's really unhealthy... whelps... too late for me that's for sure -looks at double chin- eh...
some of the stuff i was thinking about was my best friend who was having trouble with her own boyfriend. she was thinking about breaking up with him and infact, today she did. I love her like a sister so I would never hate her no matter was she did. I trust her in whatever she does because i know that she knows better than to make the wrong choice... but then again... what is the right choice?
I was trying to talk to one of my other best friends... more like a good friend now because I've seem to be drifted away from him all of a sudden. i was trying to ask him if he was okay 'cause he had just seperated from my best friend which was his girl friend. all he said was "I rather keep it inside"
omg! that is the freaken point of having a best friend to talk to if you don't even talk to them?! I mean really?!
anyway... another thing that I've been thinking about is if i really love him or not... him being yah... my boyfriend. I mean... I really really like him! I really do! I have such strong feelings but whenever i try to come out and say "I love you" ... I dunno... it feels awkward... because it feels like i just started to see him as more than a best friend. he's really sweet and goofy and nice. the other side to him is a bit of an opposite to that. Mature... serious... confused about life i guess... I dunno... I'm not trying to assume or anything... if he ever reads this i will die!
for me, it's so hard to express feelings to someone because I'm insecure... afraid to get hurt again or something... maybe... yah... i guess so right?
I dunno know why i like him so much but i know why i like him. He's that kinda guy to me whose like "I know something is wrong so I'm not leaving you until you tell me" lol something like that I guess. he's always been a good friend. Cheering me up with i'm sad. he's really goofy. the big difference between him and all the other guys I've been with is that he shows that he wants to talk to me. ^_^ i think O_O
i dunno why but I'm so happy to see him. I feel like smiling and i know it's because of him but i don't know what he's doing to make me smile. Sometimes I wanna yell out "why are you making me smile so much?!" but then again... that would be kinda awkward... scratch that... it is awkward.
-sighs-
I feel like i love him... but then again... I don't really know what love is? to me, love is an everlasting feeling and it's much strong than lust. I heard my aunt say "Love is forever and lust is temporary" i remember that all the time when I ask myself if i love a certain someone. For my boyfriend right now... I do love him... alot... but as a friend... and I really like him more than a friend... I'm close to liking him more than a friend... but i'm not ready... i guess i could wait... it might hurt a bit... but i love the pain no matter what... it's for him right? yep... okay... I'm going
bye bye
mari heart
 Mari Lambo · Fri Dec 15, 2006 @ 12:07am · 0 Comments |
