This morning I woke up around 7 or 8 o clock. My mom told me i didn't have to go to school or anything since we were going to Peru. Most of my friend I've told that i would be there so 2 weeks. Some were even crying at the fact that I'd be gone. It wasn't a fact though.
I woke up because my dad called saying he had lost my passport. I thought, 'ehh... it's not going to be that bad. He probably just miss placed it. we'll find it soon.' It's now 11:20. I was suppose to be at the airport at 10. Definitely, he lost it. it's not his fault, even though I'm really disappointed. People have been telling me that I need a break from it all. Too much trouble has been going on for me these pass few weeks. It was hell. I wanted to go away because I couldn't stand it anymore and when I found out we weren't going anymore, I was totally crushed.
I was just so sure we were going, but in my head I knew some how, some way, I wouldn't be able to go. I couldn't see myself going. I was really disappointed. I really, truly wanted a break from school and problems at home. I guess that's a bust now. Nothing really good ever happens to me, so I guess I should have known this was coming instead of crying.
So yes... right after we were so sure we weren't going, I went on the computer to check messages. People had already sent me messages saying they were going to miss me, totally in vain though. I became so disappointed that I decided to get off. My mom noticed I was utterly depressed, more than usual and I started crying. She knew I was tired, more than anyone my age would be... or for most.
Now it's 11:25. I'm still disappointed, but at least I don't have to leave my friends. I'm still really disappointed... I really wanted a vacation. People kept telling me that I really needed it. I denied it at first but then come to think of it, I really do need one. I've been over worked. My diet has been screwed up, I was so close to cutting myself again. I found myself crying in the bathroom with a big a** knife just yesterday, just about to slip it right through... but I couldn't. I promised my best friend never again would i do that.
I'm overly depressed and tired... I want to sleep but i can't. All I can do it just put a smile on my face, even though now, people know the truth.
This is gay...
note: I would edit this... but i'm too lazy
 Mari Lambo · Fri Feb 23, 2007 @ 04:31pm · 0 Comments |
