I think I've figured out why I get so worried when people touch me...
its because when I was still younger there was only one reason people would touch me for
and that would be to hurt me...
I think I never grew out of that mindset and thats why I get nervous when people do...
eventually it got to a point where I didnt know how to hug anymore...until my friend taught me how to again...
The other thing was why I thought I couldnt love anymore...
I think it was because when I was with her...she would manipulate me and my feelings
and I felt like crap and she liked it that way...I was worse than a slave I think...
at the time my definition of love was twisted and deranged...I thought that the only way to love someone would make me feel like crap...
but Kathy changed that definition for me...its about making someone feel happy and them doing the same for you...and I think for once in my life I really am happy...
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