To tell you the truth... this year... this month... this day... this hour... this minute... this second... I do not think I will go out with anyone at all. At this moment, someone that I sort of some what liked would have to convince me really well right now. I cannot see myself being with anyone else but Cookie(it's a nickname). I don't know why but I have my heart set on him, even though I do not love him yet. Well... I do love... but just as a really really good friend since he's one of my best friends. ^^
Despite the fact he doesn't like me the same way I like him or how he would say "My feelings for you aren't on the same plane as yours"... I still like him alot. He's always been that one person I would look at as someone who truly cared about me and who would never lie. If I never get to be with him again, which I do not count on, I'll still love with no matter what. That thought cannot leave me no matter how much I lie to myself or try to convince or persuade myself.
I'm not one of those "emo" people who would cry everyday for no reason, saying that love sucks after getting your heartbroken or hate life after your cat dies. No no no, not at all. Sometimes I'm called optimistic and other times I'm the opposite, but I would never have that perspective of life. I love life, no matter how many times I've been shot down by people or been abused by others or have been lied to.
I hate being backstabbed. It's one of the worst feelings ever besides beng lied to. I hate being lied to the most. I'm completely honest everytime I talk to someone and if I'm not, I eventually tell the truth. I always tell the truth. But I really hate when people lie to me. I hate it. Depending on the levels of the lie would determine how much I despise you.
As you can see, I'm just letting some of my feelings out right now.
I've recently been talking to this one individual... I like him alot as the days went pass. He's a really nice guy even though he depresses me at times. Despite that my liking of him is really close to love, my feelings could never really compare to Cookies. If you're reading this right now... then you know the truth and I'm sorry. I suppose you know who you are. I'm truly sorry. I wouldn't want you to change just so I would like you more and I don't want to ruin any friendships.
Truthfully, I would take a chance with him and see if everything works out fine. Love is hard to develop. It takes a lot of time, loyalty, and a lot more things.
I could say for sure, I have never cheated on any of the boyfriends I've had before. I loved every single one of them whole heartedly. Even though I'm apart from them now... I still care about them one way or another.
Right now, my main focus is only on Cookie. I'm not bing obsessive or anything. I just can't let go. It's a flaw and no matter how much I try, I can't. You can pay me all the money in the world, but that could never compare. Heh... I feel like if he read this, he'd probably either think this was sweet or utterly disturbing...
well this is probably allI can type for right now or else my mom would kill me for not going to bed... so I'll be off.
~mari_lambo
(note: edit errors later)
 Mari Lambo · Thu Apr 19, 2007 @ 03:10am · 0 Comments |
