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Im dieing my soul has betrayed me; Turned it's back. My friends what Friends There are'nt any because I here in darkness alone I take out my box cutter I pull up they blade I sit in the corner regretting of how I let you come so close to my heart I thought I actually loved you but I was foolish To belive such things...I screamed Out "You leaved me You Told me You would never leave me" I cry then I said "You left like the others in the past present and future" I brought the blade to my wrist and my concious say dont do it.....I was in so much pain in my heart it was breaking in two no it was truely shattering. When I said I loved you that day I knew I was Over. I soon brought the knife closer and slowly cut through my bare skin I started to see some blood lightly come through then I did it once more on my arm then again and again I soon had more than 500 cuts or probably more my whole arm was bleeding and the sight of my own blood made me feel better as soon as I stood up without any bandages I heard the doorbell ring I opened the door and I see only people in black and someone saying is this the house of oceanblurose i replied yes and soon the speaker comes up to me and says "My love I missed you so" I instantly thought i-it's him the one who I thought was like the others but he's here solid human he was older than I and I didn''t care I knew I loved him i hugged him he saw my arm he pushed my away and said what happened why are you cut I didnt notice I had the box cutter still in my hand and soon I said faintly "You left me You told me you wouldn't you left me in darkness I loved you and yet you're here please tell me this love I call is real because if it not I wont bear nothing I will be a worthless shell..........." I passed out only hearing my name being called over and over only passing into loneliness of my orietented darkness waiting for me........
with the moonlight shining on me I try to reach up and and touch it
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So why Do I try to Live When Nothings Here to actually love
I always ask myself why do I even live why wont I just end it.....Well I somewhat have no choice. Well ever since the begining of 9th grade I had finally stopped cutting myself because within my memories of him I remember myself saying I will see you in 5 years which is now 3 yrs. Noticing myself I remember and I am curiously waiting and wanting to know why did he leave. Sometimes I wonder if he's dead but then again I have the feeling he is real but its odd after its all up all the years we've been apart will he except me for who I actually am, but sometime's I dont want to know it's like I have only the image of what he told me he was like and looked embedded in my head....My mom said to me a couple of months ago when I asked was it true I would find true love even if I was a pieces she told me no my heart broke....no It was more like I shattered into parts that I could not pick up she told me my sister was lucky when she had found a fiance but me I herd I thought to myself I said nono-chalantly "well you blew off my chances" I had felt like I wanted to cry burst out in tears go into the darkness where I belonged I felt more alone more depressed and especially I felt like I can never really be cared for because of how most pieces acted but most of all what Has been eating my heart away was that if I tryly met him or anyone like him that I truely loved will they love me back....So alone so tried of being by myself trying to cheer up when I'm around people so they won't suspect me being depressed so I stay alone letting those who say they love me but I just try not to get inside and make things worst I just can't anymore being in love it seems as if I will never heal from those deep scars that you would't heal





 
 
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