Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

How bored am I? I'm sitting here bumping my ******** heart out. And now this website has decided to only give me 1-4g for every post. AGAIN. God, i hate this. WHY WOULD YOU MAKE A THREAD DEDICATED TO MAKING MONEY IF IT WON'T GIVE YOU MONEY!? scream

Does anyone else have this s**t problem??

I just need someplace to write something where no one will check...I'm writing this on January 27, 2007 because I don't want certain people to see it, and I'm sure no one will check..but I just need to get it out somewhere where it CAN be seen...This will most likely be severely bitchy and emo...so go away. Don't read this...even though I posted it up..

I want to cry right now. I have the reason, but it's not at all justified, because this is all my fault. How can you possibly be too lazy to keep the one closest to your heart happy, or at least keep up with their life on a weekly basis? I can't do either one...or won't. I can't tell yet...I love her so much...I'm sure she thinks that its only talk, that when I say that no one means more to me, she thinks "yeah, right. I see how you ignore me for weeks on end." But its true. It's so true. No one is more precious, more beautiful, more worth protecting. Yet I can't. I'm never around, I never know what's going on and I don't bother finding out. If only I could just offer her some kind of protection...some way to keep an eye on her and to make sure that no matter what, she wouldn't get hurt.
The really sad part is, that she still keeps up the charade of pretending that I'm still her best friend. It's so nice of her, yet I'm pretty sure its incredibly unfair to her REAL best friend, which I know who it is. Lovely girl, definitely worth being best friends with. It's just so nice and sickeningly sad of her to keep up the act. But, of course, I won't say anything about it. I'm afraid that maybe I'm being paranoid and she really does consider me her best friend and I'd ruin it.
But this person is so important. I just can't emphasize that enough. She's so important.
If you ever read this, and you know who you are, just know that even though I'm a lazy little s**t who doesn't deserve to even know you, I love you more than anyone ever could or ever will. I've been a terrible friend, and I am truly sorry..