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Over the years of my short life, I have done many things I wish I hadn't. I have gone through many things I wish never happened. I have seen those closest to me suffer with self-destructive acts and trajedies to spare, all those things I wish could be taken from their history.
But I know all too well that wishing does nothing but squander our precious time; time to be used in acts of kindness. Time to be used for good. Time to be used for guidence. Time for knowlege, and time for friendship. This is time we should use to enjoy life, to make the best of our days unto our last, before the short span of time slips away. It is not to be wasted on hoping, hoping for a cause.
Our time is to take action, and bring about that change ourselves.
I have realized so clearly the sad fact is, we waste this time we have so little of. And a pity it is, for time is one thing lost forever, in all but our memories.
And what do we sqander this time on? We waste it in fighting, so much fighting! Fighting in families, fighting amongst families, fighting with the law, fighting neighbors, fighting friends, fighting enemies, and the list continues.
My point? Well, this is it; our time is lost to fihgting, and once gone, it is but a memory. And in turn, my deeper point; these are what define us, these memories, these recolections of the past.
We, as people, are things of morals and actions--and one is e'er directed by the other. And by acting on these morals, we form ourselves.
So as I first said, to change the sorry stories of our lives is impossible. We cannot hope for our past to leave us. We can not wish it away and have it so. But we can forge a new past by acting each day as our morals dictate to make a change. In this change will be wrought our past, and thus a new outlook. With these changes, these moral days we lived, we will form ourselves in the present.
Hopefully, by looking back to the days of moral conduct, our future and present actions will follow suit and be that less bleak. For by continuing to follow these morals, we will start a well needed cycle that will create and sustain who we are as a person.
So despite the past that I can so clearly recall, despite the horrors we all have faced, I have come to see what I have to live for.
I have a life to live, and I plan to do so. I plan to enjoy it to its fullest and live in the moment, with full knowlege that I can be as such because I heeded not the shadows of my past, but looked toward the morally correct days I lived as I believe I should have. I live now knowing that how I act will shape me tomorrow, and thus, I will act as I believ I should be, so tomorrow I may be myself as I should.
Although I cannot change things to be or that will come to pass that come from without my person, I can face it all in stride, and stoically resist a break in who I am simply because another demands I change.
I have learned life is to be lived and enjoyed by heeded how you believe you should act as a person, individual, independant, and kind, but stoic and open minded. I have come to see we have one life to live, and so I plan to live it well.
And that is my reason to keep it; it is to be lived, and I will define who I am not by killing myself, but by living as my morals would have of me and enjoying this life.
That is my reason to live.
No longer am I controlled by my own fear or sorrow.
I am free.