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hey ..yeah just adding to my journal i guess alot has happened since my last entry i mean i have had like so many freaking moods swings and i guess that i have been doing alot of thinking so heres what i came up with .....

i like pain
you know of like any kind, not to extensive and not like head or stomac ache but like idk um..injury of some kind
either that or i like to be emotionaly stressed
i like to have a problem
i like to be just ******** mad
i have no idea why but i feel like it things are bad then they can get better but if things are good then they can only get worse so i like to hit rock bottom cause i iknow that the only way to go it up
and i hate letting people in my head
i feel like if they know how i am feeling that i no longer have control and i hate that i need to be alone when im angry
i enjoy being so angry that i am happy rather than actually being happy
and i have learned that i am a great threapist to myself its like there are 2 of em in here and i guess thats it
and also i feel most alive when i am either cold or bleeding cause then i know that i am real
and i feel better to know that i am hated rather than loved because love is not always true but hate has a reason