Yes, read every single hilarious story I had during my freshman year. My friends and I have a weird sense of humor and awfully random. So yeah. Enjoy!
--+--
My friends Ryan and Michael and I have a habit of mixing things together and drinking them.
So we mixed this SoBe energy drink into Michael's gatorade.
When we tasted it, it didn't taste that much different.
So when I had my second sip (it was a big one), Ryan says,
"Let's put some more breast milk into it!!"
My mouth was still full with the gatorade so I started snorting and trying hard not to laugh.
But I was snorting so much that the gatorade went up my nose and out of it.
Michael and Ryan were having seizures while all my friends thought I was puking!!
My first period class is in the two story building.
So while two of my friends and I are walking up the stairs,
one of my friends appears at the top and she wanted to give us a hug when we got up there.
When I was close to the top, I missed one of the steps and smack my leg against the stairs.
xD
Then after first period, I was walking down the stairs.
When I reached the fourth to the bottom step, I tripped.
I fell forward and landed on my feet at the bottom of the stairs,
but I was crouched down when I landed,
So my weight and the weight of my backpack was all on my ankles and feet.
Then there was an announcement once where they told everyone to be careful climbing and descending the stairs.
My friends and I thought it was funny so we came up with DSA and ASA:
Descending Stairs Accidents
Ascending Stairs Accidents
My friend Hilary created a "program" with DSA and ASA.
I was called "Every 2 Seconds."
It goes:
"Every 2 seconds, someone is victimized by falling down and up the stairs.
Only you can help prevent this.
Help stop DSA and ASA."
One time, my friend brought this fury thing.
It was really weird and it didn't do anything until he said, "Shake it."
I shook it and it started vibrating.
I got so startled that I threw at my guy friends.
When it was vibrating on their textbooks, they all got creeped out.
Everyone was so creeped out with it, and we all kept throwing it to each other like it was hot potatoe!
And then we had a sub in one of my classes one time.
I was annoying my friend by poking her repeatedly.
Finally, she got mad and turned around and smacked my face.
We started laughing, right?
Then when I licked my lips out of habit, I found out that she had split my lip open!
xD
When I told her and my guy friend, we started laughing hysterically.
In that same class, from the previous story, my teacher was telling this scary story.
Then all of a sudden, he screams so loud that the entire class jumped,
except for my guy friend and me.
It was soooo funny!!
I swear, you could see the air vibrating and everyone jumping up!
My guy friend and I were laughing really hard!!
In my math class, the room was divided down the room, basically into teams.
So, in my old math class, we had this calculator game.
We would go along each person of a team to answer the math questions on the calculator.
My team went second.
We lost two points AND still won the game!! xD
In my health class, our teacher had all of us shake hands with different people.
So we all shook hands, right?
Then she had some of us list whoever we shook hands with.
After we listed them, she said that this was like STDs.
You could always trace to where the STDs began.
And it was this one kid that our teacher began with.
So now, we blame him for giving us STDs.
My friend once compared Pokemon to STDs.
"STDs are like Pokemon! You can catch them all!"
At lunch time, three of our guy friends would always eat whatever someone didn't want.
We called them the "fishies" because if you threw food down to their end of the table,
they'd fight for it. xD
So I used to steal my friend's food so I could throw food at them.
We all used to make fun of our friend Sarah.
We all said that she struts when she walks.
So we used to say with a horrible, fake British accent,
"I'M SARAH PAGE! SWINGEH, SWINGEH, SWINGEH!
I bought my fake British accent off of Ebay!
I love boys!! -insert pretend make out noises-"
We used to mock the millionaire show.
So my friend says, "Okay, Sarah! This is for one million dollars!
What is the capital of New Mexico?"
Then Sarah yells out, "p***s!!"
xDDDD
Our friend Zack was drinking chocolate milk at the time, right?
When Sarah yelled out p***s, he turned and spit it all in the trashcan!!
It was so hilarious!!!
One day in health class, we got to watch Napoleon Dynamite.
Our teacher allowed us to bring in food.
So the day we watched the movie, my friend Ana brought in two bags of popcorn, honey roasted nuts, and sodas.
Ana and I took the popcorn and cooked them in the nurses' office!
xD
It was actual theater food.
In my English class, it was so awesome.
Our teacher showed us films that were related to what we were studing.
She showed us Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Troy, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Of Mice and Men, and Romeo and Juliet.
There was even one about the carreer of Samuel Taylor Coleridge.
We learned that Coleridge took opium and compressed poems using the drug.
So now, everyone wants some opium to do stuff like that. xD
When I was feeding the "fishies", I got an idea.
I licked a cracker and threw it over to them.
My friend Michael actually put it in his mouth and began eating it.
When he was about to swallow it, I said,
"I licked that, just so you know."
He started FREAKING OUT.
It was so funny.
My friend Hilary had these pop tarts to go, right?
We were always joking that it was a pregnancy test you could eat!
"No!! No one can't know that I'm pregant!! -eats pop tart-
My friend Annette said one day, "Doesn't f** mean a cigarette as well as a gay person?
So if you say that you want to smoke a f**, does that mean you want to smoke a gay person?"
At lunch, my friend Ryan was trying to shoot food using that inflated plastic bag trick.
He says to everyone, "Hey, does anyone want to give up anything big and heavy?"
Annette says, "Yeah! Michael!"
I brought my eighth grade year book to school once.
At lunch, we were all telling funny stories.
Michael told this one where he was playing basketball.
He then explained that all the girls had to wear skirts.
The basketball he was playing with bounced away to a group of girls.
When he tried to catch it, his hand went up this one girl's skirt...
Okay, I remember, my English class watched Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.
It was an example of Chinese mythology.
I had seen the movie before, so I accidentally said out loud, "There is a lot of sex in this movie."
My friend Sarah ended up saying out loud afterwards, "EW! CHINESE SEX!!"
xD
Then when we were watching Romeo and Juliet,
they showed Juliet's body beind buried in a tomb.
I said out loud, "Thank goodness they decided not to creamte her!"
At a party, my friends and I were playing with a lighter and candles.
The candles were really cool because when you lit the wick, they turn color!
My friend Jesse even lit the end of a piece of paper and pretended to smoke pot!
My friend Michael started to act arrogant at the end of the year.
Hilary, Sarah, and I had an inside joke of poking our heads
and pretend it would blow up like a balloon!
A girl in my Spanish class had these cupcakes, right?
She left the room to do something so a couple of my friends and I stole some cupcakes and ate them.
We ate them so fast that we called ourselves pigs.
xP
A girl in my Spanish class had candy hanging out of her backpack once.
So when I went to turn in my paper, I bent down and swiped the candy.
It was right next to her and SHE NEVER KNEW IT WAS ME.
My friends and I ate the candy.
My friend then gave me and award to mastering stealing.
My friend found a dead cockroach in her locker once.
When we checked back up on it at the end of the day, it was gone.
At the end of the year, we finally found it again.
It was still dead and gross.
I was waiting for two of my friends to get their books so we could go to lunch.
My friend Olivia had a top locker and Hilary had a bottom locker.
And their lockers are right next to each other.
So Hilary closes her locker door and when she is standing up,
she smacks her head on the bottom of Olivia's locker door.
xD
Hilary even started bleeding a little.
Sarah and Hilary have a knack for having talking hands.
(You know, when you mock someone for talking too much? They do that with their hands.)
So anyway, Sarah and Hilary do that.
Sarah's hand is Rupert Grint and Hilary's is Daniel Radcliffe.
I have a lot of fun strangling their hands when they get annoying.
We played with Chex Mix once.
It was like a bad soap opera.
Here is the story quoting Hilary:
"Okay, so here is a mommy, a daddy, and their son!
They live happily together.
But the mommy dies [cue Hilary eating the mommy piece] and so
they daddy adn son decide to be gay with each other.
Then the son gets bullied--[holds up a chip and cue me taking the chip and
shoving it into my mouth]
OH NO!!!"
My friends and decided to name our boobs for some odd reason.
Sarah's are Greg and Forge.
Mine are Fortune and Cookie.
Hilary's are Grease and Lightning.
Ever since Hilary got glasses,
we said that she was the nerd, I was the dork, and Sarah was the geek.
The three of us wear glasses so yeah!
We used to make fun of Ryan because he had a mullet.
Or at least, he tried to grow one.
Then our friend Michael as flaming red hair.
We nicknamed him Ron Weasley.
He even responds to that!!
Annette also nicknamed Michael firecrotch as well.
He will never answer to it because he hates that nickname,
even if he knows you are speaking to him!
xD
We were taking a really long test in English class once.
My friend Barbara asks out teacher, "What if you don't finish?"
Our teacher responds saying, "Then you're ********."
EVERYONE HEARD WHAT SHE SAID.
That was the most funniest thing we all have ehard her say befire!!
She even gave Barbara extra points for that!!
--+--
My friends Ryan and Michael and I have a habit of mixing things together and drinking them.
So we mixed this SoBe energy drink into Michael's gatorade.
When we tasted it, it didn't taste that much different.
So when I had my second sip (it was a big one), Ryan says,
"Let's put some more breast milk into it!!"
My mouth was still full with the gatorade so I started snorting and trying hard not to laugh.
But I was snorting so much that the gatorade went up my nose and out of it.
Michael and Ryan were having seizures while all my friends thought I was puking!!
My first period class is in the two story building.
So while two of my friends and I are walking up the stairs,
one of my friends appears at the top and she wanted to give us a hug when we got up there.
When I was close to the top, I missed one of the steps and smack my leg against the stairs.
xD
Then after first period, I was walking down the stairs.
When I reached the fourth to the bottom step, I tripped.
I fell forward and landed on my feet at the bottom of the stairs,
but I was crouched down when I landed,
So my weight and the weight of my backpack was all on my ankles and feet.
Then there was an announcement once where they told everyone to be careful climbing and descending the stairs.
My friends and I thought it was funny so we came up with DSA and ASA:
Descending Stairs Accidents
Ascending Stairs Accidents
My friend Hilary created a "program" with DSA and ASA.
I was called "Every 2 Seconds."
It goes:
"Every 2 seconds, someone is victimized by falling down and up the stairs.
Only you can help prevent this.
Help stop DSA and ASA."
One time, my friend brought this fury thing.
It was really weird and it didn't do anything until he said, "Shake it."
I shook it and it started vibrating.
I got so startled that I threw at my guy friends.
When it was vibrating on their textbooks, they all got creeped out.
Everyone was so creeped out with it, and we all kept throwing it to each other like it was hot potatoe!
And then we had a sub in one of my classes one time.
I was annoying my friend by poking her repeatedly.
Finally, she got mad and turned around and smacked my face.
We started laughing, right?
Then when I licked my lips out of habit, I found out that she had split my lip open!
xD
When I told her and my guy friend, we started laughing hysterically.
In that same class, from the previous story, my teacher was telling this scary story.
Then all of a sudden, he screams so loud that the entire class jumped,
except for my guy friend and me.
It was soooo funny!!
I swear, you could see the air vibrating and everyone jumping up!
My guy friend and I were laughing really hard!!
In my math class, the room was divided down the room, basically into teams.
So, in my old math class, we had this calculator game.
We would go along each person of a team to answer the math questions on the calculator.
My team went second.
We lost two points AND still won the game!! xD
In my health class, our teacher had all of us shake hands with different people.
So we all shook hands, right?
Then she had some of us list whoever we shook hands with.
After we listed them, she said that this was like STDs.
You could always trace to where the STDs began.
And it was this one kid that our teacher began with.
So now, we blame him for giving us STDs.
My friend once compared Pokemon to STDs.
"STDs are like Pokemon! You can catch them all!"
At lunch time, three of our guy friends would always eat whatever someone didn't want.
We called them the "fishies" because if you threw food down to their end of the table,
they'd fight for it. xD
So I used to steal my friend's food so I could throw food at them.
We all used to make fun of our friend Sarah.
We all said that she struts when she walks.
So we used to say with a horrible, fake British accent,
"I'M SARAH PAGE! SWINGEH, SWINGEH, SWINGEH!
I bought my fake British accent off of Ebay!
I love boys!! -insert pretend make out noises-"
We used to mock the millionaire show.
So my friend says, "Okay, Sarah! This is for one million dollars!
What is the capital of New Mexico?"
Then Sarah yells out, "p***s!!"
xDDDD
Our friend Zack was drinking chocolate milk at the time, right?
When Sarah yelled out p***s, he turned and spit it all in the trashcan!!
It was so hilarious!!!
One day in health class, we got to watch Napoleon Dynamite.
Our teacher allowed us to bring in food.
So the day we watched the movie, my friend Ana brought in two bags of popcorn, honey roasted nuts, and sodas.
Ana and I took the popcorn and cooked them in the nurses' office!
xD
It was actual theater food.
In my English class, it was so awesome.
Our teacher showed us films that were related to what we were studing.
She showed us Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Troy, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, Of Mice and Men, and Romeo and Juliet.
There was even one about the carreer of Samuel Taylor Coleridge.
We learned that Coleridge took opium and compressed poems using the drug.
So now, everyone wants some opium to do stuff like that. xD
When I was feeding the "fishies", I got an idea.
I licked a cracker and threw it over to them.
My friend Michael actually put it in his mouth and began eating it.
When he was about to swallow it, I said,
"I licked that, just so you know."
He started FREAKING OUT.
It was so funny.
My friend Hilary had these pop tarts to go, right?
We were always joking that it was a pregnancy test you could eat!
"No!! No one can't know that I'm pregant!! -eats pop tart-
My friend Annette said one day, "Doesn't f** mean a cigarette as well as a gay person?
So if you say that you want to smoke a f**, does that mean you want to smoke a gay person?"
At lunch, my friend Ryan was trying to shoot food using that inflated plastic bag trick.
He says to everyone, "Hey, does anyone want to give up anything big and heavy?"
Annette says, "Yeah! Michael!"
I brought my eighth grade year book to school once.
At lunch, we were all telling funny stories.
Michael told this one where he was playing basketball.
He then explained that all the girls had to wear skirts.
The basketball he was playing with bounced away to a group of girls.
When he tried to catch it, his hand went up this one girl's skirt...
Okay, I remember, my English class watched Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.
It was an example of Chinese mythology.
I had seen the movie before, so I accidentally said out loud, "There is a lot of sex in this movie."
My friend Sarah ended up saying out loud afterwards, "EW! CHINESE SEX!!"
xD
Then when we were watching Romeo and Juliet,
they showed Juliet's body beind buried in a tomb.
I said out loud, "Thank goodness they decided not to creamte her!"
At a party, my friends and I were playing with a lighter and candles.
The candles were really cool because when you lit the wick, they turn color!
My friend Jesse even lit the end of a piece of paper and pretended to smoke pot!
My friend Michael started to act arrogant at the end of the year.
Hilary, Sarah, and I had an inside joke of poking our heads
and pretend it would blow up like a balloon!
A girl in my Spanish class had these cupcakes, right?
She left the room to do something so a couple of my friends and I stole some cupcakes and ate them.
We ate them so fast that we called ourselves pigs.
xP
A girl in my Spanish class had candy hanging out of her backpack once.
So when I went to turn in my paper, I bent down and swiped the candy.
It was right next to her and SHE NEVER KNEW IT WAS ME.
My friends and I ate the candy.
My friend then gave me and award to mastering stealing.
My friend found a dead cockroach in her locker once.
When we checked back up on it at the end of the day, it was gone.
At the end of the year, we finally found it again.
It was still dead and gross.
I was waiting for two of my friends to get their books so we could go to lunch.
My friend Olivia had a top locker and Hilary had a bottom locker.
And their lockers are right next to each other.
So Hilary closes her locker door and when she is standing up,
she smacks her head on the bottom of Olivia's locker door.
xD
Hilary even started bleeding a little.
Sarah and Hilary have a knack for having talking hands.
(You know, when you mock someone for talking too much? They do that with their hands.)
So anyway, Sarah and Hilary do that.
Sarah's hand is Rupert Grint and Hilary's is Daniel Radcliffe.
I have a lot of fun strangling their hands when they get annoying.
We played with Chex Mix once.
It was like a bad soap opera.
Here is the story quoting Hilary:
"Okay, so here is a mommy, a daddy, and their son!
They live happily together.
But the mommy dies [cue Hilary eating the mommy piece] and so
they daddy adn son decide to be gay with each other.
Then the son gets bullied--[holds up a chip and cue me taking the chip and
shoving it into my mouth]
OH NO!!!"
My friends and decided to name our boobs for some odd reason.
Sarah's are Greg and Forge.
Mine are Fortune and Cookie.
Hilary's are Grease and Lightning.
Ever since Hilary got glasses,
we said that she was the nerd, I was the dork, and Sarah was the geek.
The three of us wear glasses so yeah!
We used to make fun of Ryan because he had a mullet.
Or at least, he tried to grow one.
Then our friend Michael as flaming red hair.
We nicknamed him Ron Weasley.
He even responds to that!!
Annette also nicknamed Michael firecrotch as well.
He will never answer to it because he hates that nickname,
even if he knows you are speaking to him!
xD
We were taking a really long test in English class once.
My friend Barbara asks out teacher, "What if you don't finish?"
Our teacher responds saying, "Then you're ********."
EVERYONE HEARD WHAT SHE SAID.
That was the most funniest thing we all have ehard her say befire!!
She even gave Barbara extra points for that!!
sometimes, they leave small hints that turn out to be very valuable.
