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Artist Info: 
My name is Joelle Kruse born in Ventura, CA June 12th 1990. My boy friend (Michael Fitzpatrick) is born August 12th, 1992... And My daughter (Delilah Fitzpatrick) is born February 12th, 2009. Its ironic isn't it? 
 
I was born with a dad and mom. Raised in Sacramento CA. My dad was abusive towards my mom for as far back has I can remember. My dad does crank, and has not been able to let it go, he is always in and out of jail. And my mom, well she is doing alot better than she was. She was a alcoholic, and now goes to meetings and stuff to help her get stronger. My parents raised me up until I was 13, than my mom cheated on my dad with his best friend Troy, and then my parents got divorced.. Troy and my mom are both potheads, Troy was a drunk, thats how my mom got so into alcohol, she wasn't so bad about it when she was with my dad. Troy and my mom stayed together for a while, and I adapted Troy's son Travis into my life. He was like a brother, 3 years younger than me. My real brother is Casey he is 2 years younger than me. They are both gangster, and fools that don't care about getting an education. Troy and my mom had many agruments, Troy emotionaly abused my mom. And she let him, she never cared how guys treated her. After 4 years Troy cheats on my mom with a bondie, so they broke up, and thats how I ended up living in Washington. My mom and brother live in Spokane Valley also, been living here since Sept/07. Luckly... I got pregnant in May 08 and was able to move in with my Michael. Currently Troy and my mom are seeing each other again.. but Troy still lives in Cali. 
 
I hate sports, besides swimming. I love animals. I've owned snakes, rabbits, cats, dogs, chickens, geese, lizards, rats, and birds in my life. I woudn't want to own fish, they are just so boring. I love geese and chickens, they are silly and fun. Someday I hope to own a potbelly pig. 
 
I've experienced all kinds of crap in my life; having an abusive dad on crank and pot, having gangster brothers, having a pothead parents, seeing the people I love and care about destroy their lifes by using drugs and getting involed with the wrong people. I watched people change from good to bad... I'm not mentioning any names. 
 
Growing up, I was the type of girl who like playing videos games and watching them be played. I liked playing with army men, dinosaurs, and animal toys. I like playing 'wolf pack' a roleplaying game that I made up. Its kinda like 'house' but only alot more aggressive. I was the pack leader, always the alfa female, and would led my pack to attack the enemy. I'm also a collector of cat stuffed animals. 
 
I remember far back when I was in preschool how badly my dad abused my mom. That change me and my out look on life, I basicly became horribly shy, and shut myself down. Getting older and seeing more and more abuse, I became smarter. I turned to writing, I turned to my pets when I was a child. It was very difficult for my to make friends, but I always only wanted to fit in. I remember the screams, and hitting, and how scared I was of my parents has a child. My brother Casey clung to me... that was until my mom got with Troy, and Travis came into ours lifes. Casey completely changed, he stopped being the scared little boy I once knew, and he started to turn to other things instead of me. 
 
I'm a movie person. I liked watching movies, they helped me to ignore the things that went on around me. I love watching disney movies, and making my boy friend watch with me. I like most any movies but actions, or gangster/pothead movies. I hate movies like pineapple express or superbad. They are beyond stupid. Some actions I like, but very few. I like horror movies if they have a good story like the Ring 1 & 2. Zombie movies are alright some of them. I like movies with a good twist in them like Cruel Intentions. Some of my favorite movies are; Princess Bride, The Notebook, A walk to remember, all american pie movies, all scary movies, the Invisible, gangs of new york, lord of the rings, parent trap, and of course others, but those are just at the top of my head. I like actors like Adam Standler, Jim Carey, Halle Berry, Linsey Lohan, Orlando Bloom, Leonardo Dicaprio, these are just on the top of my head.. 
 
In school I didn't care about grades. It's not that I wasn't smart, I just didn't care. I always got teased, and felt like a failure my whole life, I was a loner, and a outcast among others, but during that time I've made 2 friends,who done so much for me, they were always there for me during hard times. I would like to give my thanks to Clayton and Laurana. I've always not cared about school, up until 12th grade when I had gotten pregnant with Delilah. I didn't care if I would graduate, until now after having my baby girl. Then I got to thinking about my future and thought careers that I like. I went through plenty of self discovery. I went from wanting to be a cop to a FBI to a social worker (thought of helping others) to a youth faciatly worker, to a teacher and then a working in childcare but then I just decided to stay with the childcare thing. I seem to have a facination with helping others. Aside what career I go into, I already know that I want to be a foster parent. 
 
I very shy and silent. If I get to know someone well enough I can be funny and random. Its easier for me to talk to people online rather than in person. So I always like when people will talk to me. I'm the type of girl who will cry while reading a book. I'm a pretty forgving person. People tend take advange of it, because I don't hold things against them. So people end up hurt my feelings, again and again... Yes, I'm very senistive. I even cry over disney movies these days. Eveually if someone hurts me enough, I'll just kinda ignore what they have to say, and numb myself to the cruel words. 
 
My mom hardly cared how late I was out or what I was doing. She let me have sleep overs with guys when I was 14. That was a big mistake. Sure she thought she could trust me, but its not my fault... Of course my mom should of known it human instinct. I lost my virginity when I was 15. I let my heart get broken so many times. I just gave my heart to anyone for a while, I was close to no one, so when it came to relationships... I got to close, I was a very jealous clingy girl friend. I told guys everything, and trusted them, and I was a weak person, easliy hurt... So I leaned myself into boy friends, they were like my crutches, the only thing keeping me standing. And that hasn't changed. I have been through a ton of heart brakes, going from one boy friend to the next. After 3 major heartbreaks, I turned kinda cold, and became the one who hurt them, and broke their hearts. I hurt 2 guys pretty badly in the past... And I'm not proud of it, and I don't feel good about it. 
 
I am sensitive and I can get emotional/jealous/untrusting. My past with my family has made me insercure. I've always been that way, thats a big reason why alot of relationships couldn't work, and why I was the only one getting hurt up until I went cold. Alot of guys couldn't deal with me. To them, I was just staright crazy because my insercuity made me that way. After I had to let someone go, I stopped being so cold... I used him has a reason to better myself, he taught me alot, he changed my lifes in many ways. I have have dignitiy and respect in myself because of him. I no longer dump my emotions onto someone, but I don't hide them either. Michael is just has clingy has I am... So we don't have many problems.. We've both leaned onto each other for support, its not one sided this time. If one of us falls, we fall togther. 
 
I hate --Idiots... Idiots to me are people who treat life has a video game. You only have one life, so if you die, than you die. 
People who are ignorant... 
People who say they are juggalos, when they are fakes, and not real. 
People who hurt other for their own pleasure 
And guys who abuse girls, and treat them like items. 
I hate liars, cheaters, backstabbers, attention whores, drama queens and people who think they are superior to others. We are all made up of the same material, we all need the same things to survive. We all shit out of the same hole. So unless you have something extra that the rest of us don't, you are not more important than me, you are no more important than the people around you. So lose your ego. 
 
I like to read and watch anime. My boy friend draws really well, and hopes to be manga artist. I like funny animes that have a story to them like Green Green, Chobits, Girls Bravo, DearS, and Love Hina. I love Fruits Basket. I really dislike animes without a point. I don't like lame action animes like Blue Gender, Dragan Ballz, One Piece, or Naurto. I used to like reading Chibi Vampire, but than I decided its like a soap opra, only in anime form. 
 
I've always wondered how I made it this far without getting involved in the things my family does. I've always said no to pot and alcohol. Its a surpise... But I'm fighting strong... I really hate that stuff because of what I seen it do to people. How it broke down my faily emotionally... The long-term effets, and the unstablity of it. Sure I've been curious about both... Now more than ever thanks to someone I really care about who just turned to it. I've always found a way to turn away from it. I've always ignored the urge to try it... I've always wanted to go a different path from my parents... I mean, they left scars in my childhood, I was not a normal kid because of them. I always felt pot and alcohol would affect me has it did to them. Even though they raised me wrong, I've turned out good, because my will power is strong. I didn't let my parents paint a path for me. I've painted my own path... I'm sad because my brother Casey went the wrong direction... He is following the footsteps my parents left for him. 
He is deep in them now, and I know its behond my power to help him, just has its behond my power to help my dad stop using crank, its hopeless. 
 
I've always feared, that because the way I raised I would end up getting a abusive boy friend just like my mom, I've never had a good father figure. I never knew what to look for in a guy. With all the guys I've dated (somewhere around 15) I've never been abused. I guess I know what a good guy is, and what a bad guy is. How? I have no idea, maybe its just instinct. My mom has never been able to stay with a guy, so I'm a bit fearful that a marriage with me wouldn't work out, I always fear and think something is gonna go wrong in my current relationship... but hey, I've gone a completely different path than my parents so far... so things might workout. 
 
I love nature. I love forests, and log cabins. I love the night sky, I love sunsets, and sun raises. Nature has always been my friend. Thats why I love it here in Washington... Its so beautiful...I have lived in the ghetto in Cali for 11 years basically, so I can really appreiate Washington. I love camping, fishing, boating, anything to do with being out doors. Growing up, I used to swim in a creek, and catch frogs, tadpools, crabs, lizards, rats, mice, snakes, and bugs. I was such a tomboy. Even now I don't like to wear make-up, and it I do, I only wear eye-liner, because Mike likes it. I refuse to wear skirts or two piece swimsuits, I don't like my legs out in the open, and I'm very uncomfortable in a dress, but sometimes I have to wear them for formal times... I love the feeling of riding motorcyles. 
 
 
I have a few heroes for different reasons. My Grandma Darla is one because she has always been there for me to talk to when I was confussed, she has always helped me and answered my questions, and I've always felt like I could tell her anything. 
 
Another hero is my Grandpa Clint, he brought us to Washington. He helped my family in so many ways. He was there for my when we had to put Meme down. He put forth the effort to make my mom a sober stable person. He cared about my family, even though they sometimes made things every difficult for him. He has helped my family alot these past 2 years. He reached out his hand to my brother and my mom, and they have almost been able to reach out thiers in return. 
My mom, dad, and Troy, even though they aren't perfect, they did what they thought was right in raising me. They pushed me to get through school, and they always did whatever they could in thier power to make me and my brothers happy. 
Some heros are my basicly, all my aunts... Because how well they are doing... How stable thier lifes our, and how loving thier families are. They are who I had to look up to. 
 
Susan and Opie are Michael's parents. The took me under their wing, and have shown me how a real family lives. I was always jealous of Mike and his family... It use to make my cry, until I became part of it. To them now I am one of thier own. They done so much for me. I'm very thankful for how kind and caring they have been. We eat dinner like a family, anyone gets along... No drugs or alcohol. They sacrafice for thier children... they put themselves last... Over the little time I've been living with them, I've learned so much from them. 
 
Laurana is another because she was my frist friend. I meant her in 5th grade. We had alot of fun together, and we made many memories. I learned of music. She learned how much fun it is to be a tomboy. We were there for each other when we frist had gotten interested in boys. 
 
Clayton is another, because he was a good friend. We had fun together, and played video games together. We watch anime. We acted like nerds together.. We told each other all our secrects. And stuck together through thick and thin. Sure sometimes we didn't get along, but we always became cool again. When I was down, or in tears, I was always able to count on him to cheer me up.. He was my best friend. 
 
Meme was a good friend to me. She was me dog, but she was put down... Really my other blog to find out why she meant so much to me.. 
 
Alfredo is another... He was that 'someone' who I had to let go of. I'm not going to go into detail about him, its not worth it. But he is a type is hero because I learned that life in unfair and cruel, and they you have to be strong. I learned many things from him, because he was a foster child. 
 
Michael my boy friend, found me when my life was falling apart... I moved here had no friends, and lost someone dear to me. 
I hated life... And lived like zombie. Everyday was the same for me, the computer was my life at the time. I had given up hope on everything at that point. My life was a mess... I was very depressed. And well Michael was there. 
 
My daughter Delilah is my life now. I will not make the mistakes my parents did while raising me. I will be the best mother I can for Delilah. She is awesome and beautiful and everything to me. If your curious about my labor with her, than just ask, I don't mind, I won't bite. I want to have more kids later in life. I love being a mother... And yes hold Delilah as much as possible. I know she won't be small for long. I enjoy her time as a baby while she is so small... because I know how fast she is gonna go. I don't let her get to the point of crying when she has a wet diaper or is hungry... I'm already on it before she even reacts. I love the responisble of caring for her I treasure the time I have to change her messy diapers and nurse her.... She is the center of my life now. 
 
Anyways.. That should be enough about me, for you to know about me. Got a problem with me? Wanna jugde or start something? Well I don't care, so screw off and don't talk to me.
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