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Artist Info: 
 
 
 
http://www.ratemydrawings.com/user/lilmonster17yo/&tab=1 
LOOK AT THIS!! VOTE ON THESE DRAWINGS !!!! usename is lilmonster17yo 
 
 
This was a profile born of my charcteristics of bordism and exploration. Its their love child. Enjoy. 
 
I've written a book and its sure to get published soon. Its in the last stages of editing, I hope you'll all look for it soon on the shelves at your favorite shops. The title is to be announced soon. 
 
Quote of the week... 
"Where are you going?" 
"I'm going for a walk. why? where do you go when you like to think?" 
*drifts off into a day dream....Whips sheet off of something and exposes a stuffed unicorn, and snuggles up with it."Now justin what should my specility be. Oncology or radiology." comes back to real life.* "I go somewhere magical." 
 
 
Please English 
Per favore Italian 
Oregasishimasu Japanese 
Prosze Polish 
 
little about meh: 
 
currently playing: Tenor Saxophone, cello, bas gutair, bassoon, mellophone for Drum Corps 
 
reading: My Book, both of Rick Roidans new series 
 
loving: all bands that are on 97X or 98 rockXD And almost every composer for Hollywood. 
 
video games currently playing: kingdom hearts re: chian of memories for ps2, 356/2 days 
 
watching: scrubs, big bang theory, How I met your mother, heroes and smallville 
 
currently: On top of the World 
 
Enjoy some pictures.... 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
----/)/) 
---( ._.) 
--C(')(') 
 
 
 
url=http://tektek.org/avatar/13151541] 
Please help 
per favore 
 
candy mountain lyrics 
 
Purple Unicorn: Hey, Charlie Hey Charlie wake up 
Pink Unicorn: Yeah Charlie, You silly sleepy head wake up! 
Charlie: Oh god you guys. This better be pretty freakin important. Is the meadow on fire? 
Purple Unicorn: No Charlie, We found a map to Candy Mountain. Candy Mountain Charlie! 
Pink Unicorn: yeah Charlie were going to Candy Mountain come with us Charlie. 
Purple Unicorn: Yeah Charlie! It'll Be an adventure! were going on an adventure Charlie 
Charlie: Yeah, Candy Mountain right Im just gunna you know go back to sleep now. 
Purple Unicorn: NOOOOOOOOOOO!! Charlie!!! you have to come with us to Candy Mountain 
Pink Unicorn: Yeah Charlie, Candy Mountain its a land of sweets and joy! and joyness! 
Charlie: Please stop bouncing on me! 
Purple Unicorn: Candy Mountain Charlie!! 
Pink Unicorn: Yeah Candy Mountain 
Charlie: Alright Fine!! Ill go with you to Candy Mountain! 
Purple Unicorn: LA LA LAAAA LAAA LAAAL LA ALAAA 
Charlie: Enough with the singing already. 
Purple Unicorn: Our first stop is over there Charlie! 
Charlie: Oh god what is that!?! 
Purple Unicorn: Its a Leoplurodon Charlie 
Pink Unicorn: A magical Leopleurodon 
Purple Unicorn: Its gonna guide our way to Candy Mountain! 
Charlie: Alright Guys you do know that there is no actual Candy Mountain right? 
Purple Unicorn: SHUN THE NON-BELIEVER!!! 
Pink Unicorn: SHHHHHUUUUUNNN 
Purple Unicorn: SSSSSHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUNNN!!!!! 
Charlie: Yeah?? 
Leopleurodon: (funny noises!) 
Purple Unicorn: It has spoken!! 
Pink Unicorn: It has told us the way!!!! 
Charlie: It didnt say anything! 
Purple Unicorn: Its just over this bridge Charlie 
Pink Unicorn: This magical bridge of hope and wonder!! 
Charlie: Is anyone else getting like covered in splinters? Seriously guys we shouldnt be on this thing 
Purple Unicorn: CHARLIEEEE, CHHHAAAARRRLLLIEEE, CHAAARRRLLLIIIEEE, CHHAAARRR 
Charlie: Im right here what do u want!?!? 
Purple Unicorn: Were on a bridge Charlie! 
Pink Unicorn: Were Here!!! 
Charlie: Well what do ya know? There actually is a Candy Mountain! 
Purple Unicorn: Candy Mountain! Candy Mountain You fill me with sweet sugary goodness 
Pink Unicorn: Go inside the Candy Mountain Cave Charlie. 
Purple Unicorn: Yeah Charlie! Go inside the cave. Magical wonders are to behold when you enter 
Charlie: Yeah Arrrr Thanks but no thanks im gunna just stay out here. 
Pink Unicorn: But you have to enter the Candy Mountain Candy Cave Charlie! 
 
Candy Mountain Song: 
Oh when youre down and youre looking for some cheering up 
Then just head right on up to the candy mountain cave 
When you get inside you find yourself a cheery land 
Such a happy and joy filled and perky merry land 
Theyve got lollipops and gummidrops and candy things 
Oh so many things that will brighten up your day 
Its impossible to wear a frown in candy town 
Its the mecca of love the candy cave 
Theyve got jellybeans and coconut with little hats 
Candy rats, chocolate bats, its a wonderland of sweets 
Buy the candy train to town and hear the candy band 
Candy bells, its a treat, as they march across the land 
Cherry ribbon stream across the sky and to the ground 
Turn around, it astounds, its a dancing candy treat 
In the candy cave imagination runs so free 
So now Charlie please will you go into the cave? 
 
Charlie: Alright fine!! Ill go into the freakin Candy Cave! This better be good! 
Purple Unicorn: Goodbye Charlie! 
Pink Unicorn: Yeah, Goodbye Charlie! 
Charlie: Goodbye What?!?!?! HEY WHATS GOIN ON HERE!?!? hello? Who is that? Ow! oh god! 
What Happened? argh! They took my freakin kidney! 
 
Charlie the Unicorn 2 
Blue: Glub Glub Glub Glub Glub Glub 
Pink: Glub Glub 
Blue: Look over there it’s a coral reef 
Charlie: Oh look it’s you guys, and you’re floating. 
Blue: Charlie, we’re scuba diving Charlie 
Pink: We’re exploring the depths of the ocean blue. 
Blue: Oh no, here comes a school of poisonous foogu fish. 
Pink: Nooooo Foogu 
Charlie: Ah you gotta watch out for those, now go away I’m watching TV. 
Blue: The vortex is open 
Charlie: Uh ok, what is this? 
Blue: Charlie, we’re being pulled into the vortex. 
Pink: Swim away foogu fish, swim away. 
Charlie: Come on now you guys are freaking me out, turn this thing off. 
Blue: There’s no stopping the vortex Charlie 
Pink: Fooguuuuu 
*Blue and Pink get sucked into vortex* 
Charlie: Guys? Guys? Or girls, I’m really not sure what you two are. 
Blue: Charlie, Charlie I have the amulet. 
Charlie: What amulet? What’s going on? 
Blue: The amulet Charlie, the magical amulet. Sparkles sparkles. 
Pink: Sparkle. 
Charlie: I don’t understand what you’re talking about. 
Blue: The amuletttttt. 
*pop out of vortex* 
Blue: We did it. 
Pink: We got the amulet! 
Charlie: Great, now go away, Im tired of the horrible things that happen when you’re around. 
Blue: No Charlie. 
Pink: No 
*They both blow up* 
Blue: We have to take the amulet to the banana king. 
Charlie: Oh yes, the banana king, of course. Absolutely not. 
Pink: He’s counting on us, Charlieeee. *He begins floating* 
Blue: If we don’t get the amulet to the banana king the vortex will open and let out a thousand years of darkness. 
Pink: Nooooo Darknessss. 
*Creepy octopus begins to come out of vortex* 
Charlie: Alright fine I’ll go, I’ll go. 
Pink Blue: yayyy 
Pink: Darkness 
*pink and Blue make weird noises.* (5 times) 
Charlie: What are you two doing? 
*continue making weird noises* (2 times) 
Charlie: Stop that. 
*Blue makes noise one more time* 
Charlie: Oh look at that. 
Blue Pink: ZZZZZZZZZZZZ!! 
Blue: El hombre con el sombrero nos envoi 
Pink: El nos dijo muchas historias asombrosas 
*weird music* *creepy laughing* 
Charlie: What? 
Pink: Esta noche nosotros cenamos Tortugas 
Blue: Así que bueno, ellos serán 
Charlie: Ah, what did you two do? 
Blue Pink: ZZZZZZZZZZ 
Blue: Soy Feliz. 
 
(That convo in english) 
Blue: The man with the hat we sent us 
Pink: The told us many amazing stories 
* weird music creepy laughing * * * 
Charlie: What? 
Pink: Tonight we dinner Turtles 
Blue: So good, they will be 
Charlie: Ah, what did you two do? 
Blue & Pink: ZZZZZZZZZZ 
Blue: I'm Happy. 
(Weird right?) 
 
 
 
*creepy music, creepy laughing* 
Charlie: Just keep walking Charlie, just keep walking. 
Blue: Hop on board the train Charlie. 
Pink: It’s gonna take us to the banana king. 
Charlie: I don’t see any train, all I see is a giant sneaker. 
Blue: It’s the choo choo shoe, Charlie. 
Pink: Choo Choo shoe. 
Blue: Hurry Charlie, it’s about to leave. 
Pink Blue: Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Choo shoe Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Chuga Choo shoe 
Charlie: I forgot my boarding pass, I’ll just walk. 
Pink: We’re here, Charlie. 
Blue: The temple of the banana king. 
Charlie: Great, let’s leave the amulet and go home. 
*Banana king pops up* 
Charlie: Who is that? No, no really. You guys see it, right? I gotta be honest I’m getting really creeped out here. Somebody say something. 
*music starts* 
Banana King: (song) 
 
Charlie you look quite down, 
With your big fat eyes, 
And your big fat frown. 
The world doesn’t have to be so grey. 
 
Charlie when your life’s a mess, 
When you’re feeling blue, 
Always in distress, 
I know what can wash that sad away. 
 
All you have to do is, 
Put a banana in your ear. 
Charlie: A Banana in my ear? 
Put a ripe banana right into your favorite ear. 
 
It’s true 
Charlie: Says who? 
So true, 
Once it’s in your blues will disappear. 
 
The bad in the world is hard to hear, 
When in your ear a banana cheers. 
So go and put a banana in your ear. 
Put a banana in your ear. 
Charlie: I’d rather keep my ear clear. 
You will never be happy if you live your life in fear. 
 
It’s true. 
Charlie: Says you. 
So true 
When it’s in the skies are bright and clear. 
Of every day of every year. 
The sun shines bright in this big blue sphere. 
So go and put a banana in your earrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. 
*Banana King blows up* 
 
Charlie: Of course, it burst into flames. 
Blue: Go forth magical amulet, return to the banana king. 
*light shines onto Charlie* 
Blue: Charlie, you’re the bonana king. 
*Charlie starts floating* 
Charlie: What? Hey hey, hold on a minute. 
Banana: You’re the bonana king, Charlie. 
Charlie: No, no I’m not, that doesn’t even make sense. 
Blue: All hail the banana king. 
Charlie: I’m not the banana king. 
Blue: You are the banana king. 
Charlie: No, no I’m I’m… 
Banana: banana banana banana banana banana 
Charlie: I, I am the banana king. 
Blue Pink: yayyy 
Banana: You are the bonana king. 
Charlie: I’m the banana king, yeah. Hey, hey. Where’d you go? Guys? Hello? Get me down from here. *falls* gah, Ok that’s a sprain. Hello? Hello? Guys? Where are you? Ah you gotta be- great, they robbed me. 
*blue pops out of vortex* 
Blue: Charlie. 
Charlie: What, what do you want? 
Blue: *makes weird noise* 
 
 
OMG!!!! I found a website that has every quote,lyric, and rant from scrubs i'm so HAPPY!!!!! 
-The man's 92 years old, he has full dementia, he doesn't even know we're here. He is inches from Carla's rack and he hasn't even flinched. 
-I'm gonna go ahead and say this just as carefully as possible so I don't overstate it: Dr. Kelso is the most evil human being on the planet. And may, in fact, be Satan, himself. 
-No "last one"? 'Cause the last ones are better than sex, trust me, I've had about a thousand of them. 
-Well, he obviously hasn't told you about my ear-flicking policy, has he. [he sits up on the couch and faces Elliot] Look! This whole "groovy guidance counselor" thing you people seem to have working is a total fantasy. I'm not that guy, you can go and ask anybody. Now, you've got to leave me alone, or I'll punish you. 
-Listen, cookie, you've been here over a month. This is Medicine 101: I don't want every little thing run by me; [she attempts to interrupt him, but he continues, while smiling occasionally at Mrs. Guerrero] I don't wanna give you my two cents' worth. But if you ever do wanna know my opinion, rest assured it will always be that you're an incredible pain and that every time I see your kew-pie-doll face, it just makes me wanna pick you up and shake you until all the hours of my life that you've wasted...fall out. Now laugh. 
-That TIPS procedure was for Mrs. Blitt down in 103. You see, she doesn't have insurance; Mr. Martinez, on the other hand, had great insurance. Should I talk slower or go get a nurse who speaks fluent moron? 
-For the record, no, I'm not a hypocrite for being here. What's your pathetic excuse, you whiny, little suck-up. 
-Run, junior -- daddy's home! 
-Okay, Linus, you're way too excited; I want you to get your blankie, go in a corner, and take a time-out. [referencing the x-ray] Non-displaced femoral fracture... Carla's mom's gonna be fine. 
-I'm gonna go ahead and do this just as slowly as possible so you don't misunderstand: Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnooooooooooooooooooooooo. 
-Newbie, stay! Ohh, what a good boy you are.... Dear God, Judy, how much product do ya use? 
-Yeah. Quick tip, there, sports-star -- when you're defensive about your feminine side, it just makes you seem more girly. 
-Oh, yeah, I was actually just planning on doing that...never. 
-Lookit, Newbie: Just because you have a new girlfriend doesn't mean that the world has suddenly turned in to a giant green M&M. The Red Sox still suck, they do; Barbie, here, still can't decide what to do with those annoying bangs.... 
-In case you were wondering, it says, "If you can read this, you're standing too close." 
-Hey, don't be embarrassed about staring at my ass. You're only human, baby, and everybody does, anyway. 
-No. Hey, do you know any women who hate themselves enough to actually date me? 
-You know, Bob, I've been thinking about all the times that you've manipulated me and toyed with me, and, well, I can't help but recall that children's fable about the race between the tortoise and the pain-in-the-ass chief of medicine that everybody hates. You see, Bob, the pain-in-the-ass chief of medicine that everybody hates kept running out in front of the tortoise and taunting him; but right at the end -- gosh, I'm sure you remember what happened, Bob -- the tortoise bit clean-through the chief of medicine's calf muscle, dragged him to the ground, where he and all the other turtles devoured him alive, right there on the racetrack. It's a...disturbing children's book, Bob, I know, but it's one that stuck with me, nonetheles 
-Yak, schmack, the lips stay zipped. 
-Gosh, I'm sorry, nervous guy, but I just can't do your work for you. But, what do you say you head on down to the library and look it up in the New England Journal of Who Gives a Rat's Ass? You've got to leave this instant - this second - this moment. Just go. 
-You know, Newbie, it's so interesting -- I found I couldn't sleep last night, so, in order to pass the time, I started to make a list of things that annoy me more than you. Anyway, I came up with people who call Wednesdays "hump day" and, of course, all Sandra Bullock movies. 
-Hey, Ghandi. For your information, I attended that poor vegetable's funeral every single time I set foot in his room over the last six weeks. Thank God the family finally moved him over to Surgery, where you guys were good enough to help him kick that nasty oxygen habit he had once and for all. 
-Well, top of my head, I'd have to say it's because he's suffering. But, of course, I love the poetry of someone putting himself way up on a pedestal and then getting knocked the hell back down into this puddle of self-hated...with the rest of us. 
-You see Dr. Wen in there? He's explaining to that family that something went wrong and that the patient died. He's gonna tell them what happened, he's gonna say he's sorry, and then he's going back to work. You think anybody else in that room is going back to work today? That is why we distance ourselves, that's why we make jokes. We don't do it because it's fun -- we do it so we can get by...and sometimes because it's fun. But mostly it's the getting by thing. 
-All right, fair enough, here's your chance -- two identical patients. I say we divide 'em up, just like in 'The Parent Trap'. One goes with the sexy, free-wheeling, bachelor dad -- hello; the other goes with the whiny, neurotic, sexually-repressed mom -- oh, just you all over. 
-Ahhh, damn. I missed the annual sleep-over, didn't I? That _wonderful_ time of year when you two crazy kids throw caution to the wind and make sweet, elbowy love to each other. Don't you be shy! You can tell Uncle Coxie about the naught-aye! 
-So, you went over to your [air quotes] "friend's" house, and cried on his shoulder -- boo-hoo, wah -- and you, of course, comforted her because she was weak and vulnerable, and blah...blah...blah...nerdy sex. The end. Dear Lord, Laverne, how in God's name do you listen to this crap all day long? 
-[imitating a wispy, upper-crust voice of a nature documentary narrator] Hark, it is the high-pitched warble of the nosy nelly! Don't see many of those flitting about these halls anymore because, well, quite frankly, when one does -- [cocks an imaginary shot gun] -- one shoots to kill. 
-Jordan, be reasonable. If you're incubating some kind of man-bat in there, we should find out about it as soon as possible -- there are vaccinations to consider. 
-Nine pounds in a _week_!? Let me ask you a quick question: are you trying to make my head explode? Because you have no idea just how frustrating it is working your _ass_ off trying to inflate a tiny little balloon inside someone's clogged artery. And all that a person has to do, really, is -- oh, I don't know -- go for a walk in the morning or choke down a fresh green salad. And you come back here looking like that!?! And I know, I know, here I'm supposed to be Dr. Give A Crap, but you wanna know the God's honest truth? And this is a fact -- you are what you eat, and you clearly went out and devoured a big fat guy, didn'cha! 
-Fine, Newbie! Let me--let me tell you a little story. It starts every day at 5 in the morning -- which is just about the time that you're setting your hair for work -- when I am awakened by a sound: Is that a cat being gutted by a fishing knife? Nooo! That's my son. He's hungry and he's got a load in his pants so big that I'm actually considering hiring a stable boy. But, I go ahead and dig in; because I do love the lad and, well gosh, you know me, I'm a giver. And [whistles] I'm off to the hospital, where my cup runneth over with both quality colleagues, such as yourself, and a proverbial clown-car full of sick people. But, what the hey, my pay is about the same as guys who break rocks with other rocks and I only have to work three or four hundred hours a week, so, so far I'm a pretty happy camper! And then I head back home where I'm greeted by the faint musk of baby vomit in a house that used to smell like, well...nothing! Nothing! Nothing! I-i-in fact it used to smell like nothing at all. And all I want to do before I restart this whole glorious cycle is, you know, maybe lay on the couch and have a beer and watch some SportsCenter and, I'm if I'm not too sweaty from the days labors, stick my hand right down my pants, buuut apparently that's not in Jordan's definition of "pulling your weight".So, uh, there you are, superstar. Fix that. 
-Ohhhhh, my little newbie-doobie-doo! Say, that whole "telling Jordan how I feel" thing just went terrific, thank you for that. Now I need a place to crash. Where's Naomi's bedroom? [Turk points] Good night, roomies. 
-I swear to God, Carla, if one more annoying thing comes my way, please just go ahead and extract some of that extra air out of Barbie's head and inject it right into my veins! 
-Check out Barbie bo-hody slamming big Bob! Atta girl! 
Yeah, I make it a point to never enter a shrink's office unless I'm planning on grossly overpaying somebody for telling me something that I already know. 
 
 
 
MY MUSICAL!!! 
 
The Rant Song 
Patti: Dr. Cox, I'm not crazy! 
Dr. Cox: Am I still singing? 
Patti: Singing like a bird 
 
J.D: Dr. Cox, huge news! 
I pulled some strings and got the parking spot right behind yours! 
Bumper buddies! 
 
Dr. Cox: Still, you're not ne-he-hearly as bad as her 
Do you know how much you annoy me? 
The answer is a lot 
Should I list the reasons why? 
Well, I don't see why not 
 
It's your hair, your nose, your chinless face You always need a hug 
Not to mention all the manly appletinis that you chug 
That you think I am your mentor just continues to perplex 
And, oh my God, stop telling me when you have nerdy sex! 
 
J.D: Oh, by the way, last time Kim was in town, we got some appletinis and poured 'em on her good parts! 
 
Dr. Cox: See now, Newbie, that's the thing you do that drives me up a tree 
'Cause no matter how I rant at you, you never let me be! 
So I'm stuck with all your daydreaming, your wish to be my son 
It makes me suicidal and I'm not the only one 
No, I'm not the only one 
 
Janitor: It all started with a penny in the door 
There was a hatred I had never felt before 
So now I'll make him pay, each and every day 
Until that moussed-haired little nuisance...is...no...more 
 
Dr. Cox: So now that is why I call you names like Carol, Jane, and Sue 
Like Moesha, Kim, and Lillian, Suzanne and Betty-Lou 
See, regardless of the names I pick, my feelings are quite clear 
You're a pain in every day of every month of every year! 
 
Patti: Dr. Cox, you gotta help me, 'cause I really am distressed! 
Can't you find another option, won't you run another test? 
 
Dr. Cox: If you want some kind of favor, really any kind of favor 
Please just get me peace and quiet from this God-forsaken pest! 
 
J.D: I think what my bumper-buddy is trying to say... 
Patti: Shut your cake-hole, Mary-Beth, or I swear to God I'll shut it soon! 
Dr. Cox: Congratulations, we'll schedule your test this afternoon 
 
 
Guy Love 
J.D.: Let's face the facts about me and you, 
A love unspecified. 
Though I'm proud to call you "Chocolate Bear," 
The crowd will always talk and stare. 
 
Turk: I feel exactly those feelings, too 
And that's why I keep them inside. 
'Cause this bear can't bear the world's disdain, 
And sometimes it's easier to hide, 
Than explain our 
 
J.D. and Turk: Guy love, 
That's all it is, 
Guy love, 
He's mine, I'm his, 
There's nothing gay about it in our eyes. 
 
Turk: You ask me 'bout this thing we share, 
 
J.D.: And he tenderly replies, 
 
Turk: It's guy love 
 
J.D. and Turk: Between two guys. 
 
Turk: We're closer than the average man and wife, 
 
J.D.: That's why our matching bracelets say Turk and J.D. 
 
Turk: You know I'll stick by for the rest of my life. 
 
J.D.: You're the only man who's ever been inside of me. 
 
Turk: Whoa, I just took out his apendix. 
 
J.D.: There's no need to clarify, 
 
Turk: Oh no? 
 
J.D.: Just let it grow more and more each day. 
It's like I married my best friend, 
 
Turk: But in a totally manly way. 
 
J.D. and Turk: Let's go! 
It's guy love, 
Don't compromise, 
The feeeling of some other guy, 
Holding up your heart, 
Into the sky. 
 
J.D.: I'll be there to care through all the lows. 
 
Turk: I'll be there to share the highs. 
 
J.D. and Turk: It's guy love, 
Between two guys. 
 
J.D.: And when I say, "I love you, Turk," 
It's not what it impies. 
 
J.D. and Turk: It's guy love 
Between 
Two 
Guys 
 
For The Last Time, I'm Dominican 
Carla: I've had it up to here 
So let me make it very clear 
Because I swear I'll never clue you in again 
Every time that you profess 
I come from Puerto Rico 
Turk: Yes? 
Carla: For the last time, Turk, I'm Dominican! 
 
Turk: Don't make a big to-do 
I was simply testing you 
Carla: Then why'd you tell J.D. our baby's "blaxican"? 
 
Turk: Babe, you know I know the truth 
Carla: Well, I need a little proof 
So list all you know about me, or no sex again 
 
Turk: Uh... Let's see... 
Your name is Carla 
Carla: Oh, yes 
Turk: You are Latina 
Carla: Impressive 
Turk: You're a nurse, your mother's dead 
And, wait -- I got it! 
Three sisters 
Carla: Turk! 
Turk: Two sisters? 
Well, I'm sure you have a brother who's a huge jerk-off! 
 
Carla: Tell me, what's my middle name? 
Turk: Okay, I'm tired of this game 
Let's forget it, I give up, I guess you win again 
But it's not just me who gets mixed up 
By all this crazy ethnic stuff! 
 
Todd: Sorry, even I know, she's Dominican! 
Boo-ya! 
 
Carla: Did I grow up in Illinois or was it Michigan? 
How long before we met was I in medicine? 
Was our wedding song the Beatles or Led Zeppelin? 
Am I freakin' Puerto Rican or Dominican? 
 
Turk: The thing is guys remember facts 
Like what Derek Jeter hit last year, which was three-oh-three! 
And that is why our brains are maxed 
And there's no room for things like birthdays or ethnicities! 
 
Carla: Well, thank you for that glimpse into the workings of the inner man 
Turk: Let's talk about your job and not the fact that you're... 
Carla: Dominican! 
 
Turk: You're not staying home from work 
Carla: Will that make you happy, Turk? 
Turk: I'll support you if you choose to earn the Benjamins 
 
Carla: Then I'll return to work today! 
Now, you're sure that that's okay? 
Turk: I say "?S?!" -- which is "yes" in Dominican! 
And Puerto Rican! 
Carla: Turk! 
 
Turk: But you're Dominican! 
 
Everything Comes Down To Poo 
J.D.: Hey, Ms. Miller -- we just need a stool sample 
Patti: Why do you need a stool sample if you think I'm just a nut? 
Turk & JD: 'Cause the answer's not in your head, my dear -- it's in your 
butt! 
 
J.D.: You see.... 
Everything comes down to poo! 
From the top of your head, to the sole of your shoe 
We can figure out what's wrong with you by lookin' at your poo! 
Turk? 
 
Turk: Do you have a hemorrhoid or is it rectal cancer? 
When you flush your dookie down, you flush away the answer! 
 
J.D.: It doesn't really matter if it's hard or if it's loose 
We'll figure out what's ailing you, as long as it's a deuce! 
Yes! 
Everything comes down to poo! 
 
Nurses: Everything comes down to poo! 
 
J.D.: Cardiovascular and lymphatic, yes, the nervous system, too! 
All across the nation, we trust in defecation! 
Everything comes down to poo! 
 
Turk: If you want to know what's wrong, don't sit and act so cool 
Just be a man and eat some bran, and drop the kids off at the pool! 
 
Robed Woman: My stomach hurts 
J.D: Check the poo 
 
Limping Woman: I sprained my ankle 
Turk: Check the poo! 
 
Bloody Shoulder Guy: I was shot! 
J.D: Check the poo! 
 
Delivery Guy: A homeless guy threw poo in my eye! 
Turk: Check the poo! 
Delivery Guy: Mine or his? 
J.D: First him, then you! 
It may sound gross, you may say "shush!" 
 
J.D. & Turk: But we need to see what comes out of your tush! 
Because! 
 
All: Everything comes down to poo! 
Whether it's a tumor or a touch of the flu! 
 
J.D. & Turk: Please, won't you pinch us off a big, fat clue! 
 
Turk: Our number one test is your Number Two! 
 
All: If there's no breeze, light a match please! 
Everything comes down to -- 
 
J.D.: Doo-doo! 
 
Turk: Doo-doo! 
 
J.D.: Doo-doo! 
 
Turk: Doo-doo! 
 
All: Everything comes down to ... poo! 
 
Welcome To Sacred Heart 
Dr. Kelso: Hello, I'm Dr. Kelso, I'm delighted that you came 
So the doctors say you fainted, and you don't know what's to blame 
Well, put your mind at ease, there's no ill we can't outsmart 
On behalf of all who work here... 
 
All: Welcome to Sacred Heart! 
 
J.D: Our facilities are excellent! You couldn't ask for more 
Janitor: As long as you avoid the bathrooms on the second floor 
Dr. Kelso: This is Dr. Cox, I'll be giving him your chart 
Dr. Cox: And that's Dr. Kelso -- the kiss-ass of Sacred Heart! 
 
Turk: You say you burned your hand real bad -- we'll fix you up with gauze 
Elliot: Perhaps you need your fat sucked out -- or want a smaller schnoz! 
J.D: Hey! 
 
Dr. Kelso: You caught an S.T.D. from some tasty little tart? 
All: We swear 
We won't judge you here at Sacred... 
Here at Sacred... 
Here at Sacred Heart! 
 
Dr. Kelso: One more thing that I should mention 
If what I've heard is true 
And everyone appears to be singing to you.... 
 
All: Ahh, Ahhh! Ahh, Ahhh! Ahh, Ahhh! Ahh, Ahhh! 
 
Dr. Kelso: Your case is very serious! And we'd better start! 
 
All: 'Cause if you think we're singing, you belong at Sacred Heart! 
Doctors! Nurses! Patients! Dead guys! 
Welcome to Sacred Heart! 
 
Top Ten Dr. Cox Quotes 
1.“You know, Bob, I've been thinking about all the times that you've manipulated me and toyed with me, and, well, I can't help but recall that children's fable about the race between the tortoise and the pain-in-the-ass chief of medicine that everybody hates. You see, Bob, the pain-in-the-ass chief of medicine that everybody hates kept running out in front of the tortoise and taunting him; but right at the end -- gosh, I'm sure you remember what happened, Bob -- the tortoise bit clean-through the chief of medicine's calf muscle, dragged him to the ground, where he and all the other turtles devoured him alive, right there on the racetrack. It's a...disturbing children's book, Bob, I know, but it's one that stuck with me, nonetheles” 
2.“I swear to God, Carla, if one more annoying thing comes my way, please just go ahead and extract some of that extra air out of Barbie's head and inject it right into my veins!” 
3.“In case you were wondering, it says, "If you can read this, you're standing too close.” 
4.“Newbie, how'd you drop the ball on this one? And don't tell me you cried, or I'm gonna have you banned from the men's room again.” 
5.“All right, fair enough, here's your chance -- two identical patients. I say we divide 'em up, just like in 'The Parent Trap'. One goes with the sexy, free-wheeling, bachelor dad -- hello; the other goes with the whiny, neurotic, sexually-repressed mom -- oh, just you all over.” 
6.“Yeah sure, congratulations. Now go.” 
7.“Oh, now, please don't take away the privilege of letting me pay you two hundred dollars an hour so that I can drag my ass in here and watch you nod. God knows the only other place I can get that on the planet is from my Brett Favre bobble-head doll.” 
8.“D'aaaaaaaaand everandeverandeverandever -- You gettin' this? --Aaaaaand everandeverandeverandeveraneverandever....” 
9.“You make me so angry I.... I.... I.... I... have to pee.” 
10.“Oh my God, I could fly to China, adopt a child, raise her and send her to medical school, and then train her to do this procedure in the time it's taking you to finish.” 
 
 
<a href="http://www.ihatedrcox.com/"><img src="http://www.ihatedrcox.com/special/quotes/random.gif" title="Daily Random Scrubs Quote" /></a>
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