• ‘Happily Never After’

    If only love wasn’t so painful.

    She really is beautiful.

    He slowly, albeit reluctantly realizes as he watches her glide down the aisle, an unbearably blissful smile on her glowing face;

    Her silk dress, an innocent white, cascades behind her, leaving a trail of white cloth (and their – or maybe just his dreams) flowing in her path, and her father, who is holding her by the arm, is nothing more than a ghost, standing beside the frail little girl who is nothing short of wonderful.

    He figures that he is probably the same, standing behind the best friend as his best man (or best failure) as he watches the girl of his dreams while she is taken away by the man who is supposedly his brother (but he can’t help but push away the stray thought that knows that she was taken away a long time ago.)

    He sighs before smiling a fake smile, forcing the sadness and all the lieslieslies in the broken compartment of his heart that is reserved only for her and his childish fantasies that can now only serve as mockery, showing him what they could’ve been and what they will never be.

    He always knew that this kind of selfish love was meant to be painful, but this?

    This is torture.

    - -

    He sucks in his breath and closes his eyes, trying (he’s always trying but never succeeding) to block out their happiness (and her runaway eyes) while they say their vows. He is only hoping that maybe he will turn blind to their happy endings but then realizes that he must go deaf too for he can still hear their laugh and (lies?) I love you’s and his sad (denial?) what ifs.

    Because even if it seems like he is the victim in this story, left alone (always alone) to watch their happily ever after, he knows.

    It’s all my fault, isn’t it?

    “Speak now or forever hold your peace.”

    And while the frail little princess is still in the middle of her fairytale moment and the pauper
    , his brother who he’d like to say doesn’t even deserve her (lies) is still savoring his prize for saving his (their?) damsel in distress; he can’t help but wonder why he isn’t saying anything.

    And why he isn’t screaming.

    - -

    “You may now kiss the bride.”

    He looks away because he just can’t help but hide (he’s always hiding these days…) in his – her (their?) heart’s compartment again, closing his eyes and falling deeper in to her eyes and her lips and her smile (so unbearably beautiful.)

    But he isn’t deaf is he? And he still can’t block out all their whispers of love and those promises that he’d like to call lies for now, just until he can cover his ears and run away…
    But he can’t, can he?

    So while they are in that fairytale moment, lips to lips and in each other’s arms, his mask falls, slipping off his pretty face and dropping to the ground, crashing, breaking and then his façade of (false) happiness is gone and he can’t help but start crying –

    Because sometimes even the prince doesn’t get the happy ending that he wants (so, so much) and all that is truly there to greet him is pain.

    He only wishes that it didn’t have to hurt so much.

    “Tell me what I can do for you.”
    “I want you to lie to me.”
    “What do you want me to say?”
    “Something, anything”
    “I love you.”

    - -