• I stare across the cabbage spattered floor at the top table. There the coolest kids laugh and gossip. I turn my head to gaze at my own seat. I am sat with the less popular ones today as there was no room with the top table girls. I eat my lunch and wonder. How can I be like them? Am I not good enough? Is it my ginger hair and spotty skin? Am I too fat? I don’t think I will ever be like them. I finish my lunch in silence then go out to play little games with some of the boys.

    The next day Laura is ill. I follow behind the top table girls. Samantha, she is my favourite. We are friends, don’t you know. I don’t get to sit next to her though. I am pushed at the end of the table, next to bossy Emily. Samantha sits at the tables head. People seem to worship her. I wish I could be as good.

    There is one other person who draws my attention. Ed, he is a slightly overweight geeky boy with the deepest cool grey eyes I have ever seen. I believe he is the love of my life. But he will never like me. No matter how much I laugh at his jokes. I have loved him from afar ever since he joined the school at the start of the year. We even like the same books.

    I sit in class. It is the morning. Coats have just been hung up and we are chatting while Miss gets ready. They are talking about boys. They talk about them often despite half of them not even thinking like that yet. Half of them couldn’t tell a supermodel from a sandwich, unlike me. I know love when I see it. Like what I feel for Ed. One of the gossipers turns to me. “Hey Lily, you and Ed should go out,” I freeze. The other people in the conversation agree. They must have noticed we like all the same stuff. “Well, Lily what do you say. Do you want to go out with Ed?” I dare not answer, for fear of their reply. But I say, before I can close my lips. “He would never say yes.” I regret it instantly but I don’t think they put two and two together. They turn to Ed. I think, although is hard to hear above the classroom racket, that he says ok. The gossipers are happy now. They feel they have set something right. We were meant to be together.

    That night I lie awake for hours too exited to sleep. My whole body feels like it could explode with joy. It is like my chest has been filled with syrup, filled right up to the top. I could burst with happiness. This has got to be the best moment of my life. Better than that day at Lego land. Better than birthday parties. Better than anything. I can’t wait for school tomorrow.

    I bounce into the playground. I get a place in the line next to Ed. We walk in. ignoring Ed. I want to save our conversations. Any way, he likes me now, there is no need to chase him, and I am in control. I talk to Miss but Ed butts in. I can’t help but smile. He will probably whisper some sweet thought to me. I skip away, ignoring him again. But when we get to our pegs he comes over to mine and Dan sits down. I can’t ignore him any more so I turn, unable to hide the grin on my face. He says he needs to talk to me. He seems nervous but through my love-blinded eyes I think he is just shy because he loves me. But he says this “look Lily,” he pauses for a deep breath. “I don’t know why I said yes yesterday.” he finished his sentence but I don’t hear. My smile goes. My brain can’t comprehend when he means. “I don’t fancy you,” another pause, the words are hard for him. “I fancy Samantha.” and that’s it. Of course how stupid was I to think he liked me. People never do, of course he wants some stick-thin goddess like Samantha. “So I think you know what I am trying to say?” I just nod. And whisper my acknowledgement. The words catch in my suddenly dry throat. He goes to sit in his place and I limp slowly to mine.