• CHAPTER 10 - CONFESSIONS

    Asking somebody to do a favor should usually turn out to be a good thing, not something that will have somebody avoiding you for a period of time. And when that person tells you why they reacted why they did, you feel horrible, scared, but that's only externally...not internally...

    I was confused and panicking inside. Why was Kai avoiding me? Why did he look so depressed and regretful? Why was he apologizing? Questions spun around in my head but I knew that Kai wouldn't answer them. He removed his hand from the back of my head, allowing me to sit up straight. His thumb kept rubbing against my thigh. I wanted to slap his hand, push him away, make him stand up and demand to tell me what's going on. I figured that thought would at least put a smirk on his face, but there was nothing to him.

    "Kai," I finally choked out, "What's wrong?"

    "It's really not easy to explain at all. It involves your parents, but mostly you."

    How were my parents involved with what's happening with me? He would tell me anyways so I nodded in acceptance, "Okay. You may tell me."

    Kai sighed and I knew it would be a long story and I embraced myself, my nerves acting up.

    "Your parents were Yumi and Toji Kurabashi, right?"

    I nodded. He sighed again and continued, "I know you don't know this, but they were...what's called Exorcists or Pacifiers."

    I didn't understand, "How did you know that if I didn't?"

    "Your parents were...Vampire, Werewolf, and Succubus Exorcists."

    My breath was stopped for a brief moment. Exorcists...against Vampires, Werewolves, and Succubuses? How long had that been going on?!

    "Exorcists work along side with a group of hunters called Necromantic Hunters. The Exorcists weaken the creature, then the Necromantic Hunters finish them off. They diminish any evil-proned creature pent up on destroying any human who stands in their way. Your parents were among the best."

    I kept silent, absorbing the story in shock and awe.

    "There are Exorcists all over the world. Your parents were the only ones in Hokkaido. It was a tough job for them."

    So that's why they were gone all the time...mostly at night. It makes sense now. They were always gone at night because that's when Vampires prowl and some nights the Werewolves turn. As Kai was telling the story, I was getting a little agitated about it and felt as though some person was talking about my parents like I didn't even know who they were.

    "They were the biggest threat to Vampires and Werewolves since and there weren't many Succubuses. For years, many Vampires had plotted their demise." I shivered at the word "demise", "Also, there are a few Vampires that basically 'rule' over the others. They're immortal from devouring the past girls like you. They assembled some Vampires together to finish off your parents. I..." he was starting to hesitate again, "I...was among them,"

    My eyes widened and I tried to push Kai's hand off of my leg. He squeezed my thigh, still looking down, "Calm down, calm down. Let me explain."

    I didn't know where this was going; was he the one that killed my parents?

    "No, I didn't kill them. But...I was ordered to. I went against the orders as soon as I heard they had two twin daughters, you and Aya. It's not easy at all to go against orders. The higher-ranked Vampires have a special ability of dictation over other Vampires, especially if they're immortal. They're almost like entrepreneurs; they could convince a whole lot of people just for a prize. It was right when I had arrived at the front door of your house that I turned around and left. I couldn't bring myself to do it."

    I still couldn't get it out of my head; Kai was supposed to kill my parents. My hands shook and I looked down at them. It was too much. My parents' fates were almost rested in Kai's hands.

    "The higher Vampire was angered with me and he...gave me other orders." pain beyond belief washed across his face, "As soon as he had found out later about your blood, he wanted to give it to his two best workers, since he was already immortal. They had served him many moons and never failed to accomplish every whim on his mind. He's entirely grateful to them. But he gave me an order after I failed to finish his first order. It's a contract I can't escape no matter how hard I try."

    I unconsciously hyperventilated quietly, "What was the order?" it's not like he could kill off the rest of my family. But judging from what Kai was saying, it had something to do with me.

    As soon as I asked, Kai exhaled sharply, almost as if he was taken by surprise at the question, "I...I don't...I don't know how to explain it," he was hesitating beyond belief now and I was officially freaked out, "I'm...supposed to take you to him and his workers will...," he shook his head and squeezed my thigh harder and I was losing circulation.

    "Kai, just say it," I hated hanging by a thread. He had the patience but I didn't.

    "They're gonna--," he started out halfway shouting, but he lowered his voice, "Kill you,"

    I froze for a second. These guys that work for the higher Vampire are going to kill me? How?

    "They want immortality," and he didn't have to say anymore.

    I let out a short cry with an absence of tears. I held my hand up to my chest and looked at the ground with disbelief. I continued to hyperventilate, only louder. No more questions were in my head. They had already been answered.

    In the light of the moon, I was face-to-face with the boy who was sentencing me to my death.
    The boy who was told to kill my parents, but refused. He wanted to refuse this order too, I could feel that, but there's something pulling him away from refusing. It was almost as if he were bound under some sort of evil eye. I didn't want him to do it, he didn't want to do it.

    I was really going to die. Kai was going to take me to this place with these guys and they were going to suck me dry. It's not like it would bother me too much. At least I'd be able to see my parents and Aya again...stay with them forever. But what about Kai?

    I opened my eyes slowly as I could feel Kai slide his hand onto my cheek and caress me lightly while keeping his other hand still on my thigh and he had moved his hand up about an inch. I didn't care at the moment, I had other things to worry about. He stared me in the eyes with the most sincere and regretful gunmetal eyes. I had never seen his eyes that color before. There was a tint of red in them. He was angry with himself for not being able to pull out of the deal...at least...that's what I was thinking. And after a short moment, I realized something; we wouldn't be able to...love?

    I stared at Kai in the eyes and he looked down; I was right. He rose himself a little and kissed me passionately for a brief moment and went back to his normal kneeling level. A single tear escaped my eye and onto his hand that still cupped my cheek. I lightly grasped his wrist and hand that was touching my face and more tears escaped without another outburst of a cry from my chest.

    I paused for a moment and took a moment to look at who I was with. His fangs could kill me...his strength could kill me...I slid his hand off of my cheek. His talons could kill me...he could rip me apart right now with the twist of his wrist...

    My eyes widened and I pushed Kai back, "No!!" I jumped up and ran out of the bedroom and into the bathroom and shut and locked the door. I slid down against the wall onto the ground and buried my face in my hands, wishing the world would just swallow me whole.

    Why is it Kai that's going to kill me?! Why him?! I let the tears roll and the sobs burst. I was scared, I was depressed again, I was angry. I was angry with Kai because he should have told me sooner before my feelings for him multiplied. I felt a serious connection with Kai and I couldn't be with him. Why would he wait so long before he told me?! I continued to let the anger built up, but it quickly dissipated. I couldn't stay angry at him. It wasn't possible.

    I continued to sit and cry and thinking about all him and I had been through. He was incredibly protective, always looked out for me, he was so...passionate. He seemed so rough and nonchalant and invulnerable on the outside, but I had experienced a whole different side to him. His tender side, his chivalrous side.

    The cries stopped but the tears didn't as I lowered my hands and looked at the ground. A bigger weight had been placed on my shoulders as I felt my life start turning around. Not because my fate was twisted with some Vampires who would be my demise...but that I had realized...

    I was undoubtedly and unanimously in love with Kai...

    ~*~*~*~*~*~

    I had spent the past 45 minutes in the bathroom just crying. I wasn't incredibly scared of my fate anymore, I was scared of being parted from Kai. I was in love with him...or at least I thought it was love I was feeling. I didn't know. I had never been associated with a guy in my life. All I knew was that I felt I couldn't go another day without Kai. I was happy every time I would see him or hear his voice. I appreciated that he was so protective and sincere about everything.

    I had spent the next hour after crying sitting in the bubble-captivated bathtub. No matter how much of the relaxation herbs I doused, I couldn't relax. I wanted to tell Kai so much, but he was probably in my head. He probably knew everything. I didn't want to show my face around him.

    I went back into the bedroom after my bath and the room was cold, dark, and empty. It felt emptier than normal. Everything did now. I wanted to go downstairs and hang out with the others. From the bedroom I could hear Kira and Takeuchi screwing around. I wanted to be with them so they could melt my fears away. But at the same time, I wanted to tell Kai everything. Knowing him, he probably left the house and would try to avoid me again. I glanced at my clock which felt like it was screaming at me to sleep; it was 4 in the morning. I tucked myself in under the comforters and just as I was about to fall asleep,the door opened and Matsuda came in. He kneeled at the bed next to me with a sentimental face.

    "He told you, didn't he?" Matsuda didn't even have to answer. His face told me that Kai told him everything.

    "I'm so sorry, Arisa,"he brushed my hair around a little, smiling weakly.

    "How come nobody told me earlier?"

    Matsuda sighed, "We thought we would be able to break Kai away from his contract, but it was unsuccessful. We figured we should break it off before worrying you too much."

    "I would have felt much better if you'd have told me when I got here. I've been here too long and the whole time I was unaware of my fate, I was..." I wasn't sure if I'd be able to tell Matsuda what I had told myself.

    "I understand, Arisa. It's not easy, having a human girl and a Vampire boy living coherently. It's either all they do is fight or they fall in love."

    "So...you know how I feel?"

    Matsuda nodded lightly, "But Kai doesn't. He told me to read what you were thinking because he didn't want to know. He won't ask me what you thought either. He just wants someone to know what you're feeling."

    That gave me a little bit of relief and I smiled weakly at him. He smiled back weakly as well and then his face turned serious right away, "He thinks you hate him now,"

    I gasped quickly at that. I felt the complete opposite of hate towards him, "Where is he?"

    "He went out. He's feeding."

    He thought I was mad at him, thought I hated him. I probably would have assumed the same thing if I were him. I abruptly pushed him away from me and just ran away from him. I was beating myself internally at what I did.

    "You know, Arisa," Matsuda interrupted me from more of my self-loathing, "He's going to have to know how you feel sometime. If not, he could hurt you unintentionally."

    "Matsuda, I'm scared,"

    "I know you are. You don't have to tell him immediately. Take your time, okay? Just listen to yourself, not what everybody else is saying."

    "I just...," I let out a short sob, "I just thought it would be pointless to tell him since I'm...going to be killed,"

    "You need to tell him, Arisa. Maybe if you tell Kai how you feel, we'd have a better chance at allowing you to live."

    "I don't know how he will react,"

    "It will be hard for him. He's under contract so it would be hard for him to feel the same way for you as you feel for him. He's...lost somebody before. I'm sure he wouldn't want to lose another."

    I had expected that Kai had girls before me, but was he really that worried about losing me? Wouldn't I just be another girl he's lost? He was willing to fight against this contract just to keep me alive, "Is he...sparing himself from heartbreak or me?" it was hard to ask the question. What I was thinking, about the whole not being able to love me thing, could either be completely selfish or utterly selfless.

    "It's all for you, Arisa. Kai hasn't been the least bit selfish since he...attacked you." neither of us were accustomed to talking about that still.

    Talking to Matsuda really made me feel so much more cofident. I nodded subtly and smiled lightly, "I think I'm ready, Matsuda. I'll tell him next time I see him."

    Matsuda smiled and rubbed my shoulder, "I'm proud of you, Arisa. You're a good girl."

    I sighed and blinked lazily a few times. Matsuda stood up, "I'd better let you get some sleep, it's late,"

    I nodded and Matsuda quietly exited the room. I stayed up for another hour thinking about my parents and the duty they never told me about. Maybe this wouldn't have happened if they weren't Exorcists? Would they ever have told me about their secret lives?

    As I closed my eyes, the last image imprinted in my head was my own corpse on a stone floor in an ocean of my own blood.

    ~*~*~*~*~*~

    Kai had been gone a couple of days. I didnt know if he was really gone from the house though, I spent too much time in the bedroom thinking things through. The only time I would emerge from the room would be for meals. Kira and I were talking a lot more too. We put the incident behind us, but we knew I would never be 100% safe around him. Kira was back to his normal self and that made me feel a lot better towards him.

    Only Matsuda knew how I felt about everything going on. Him and Orihime knew that Kai told me about his orders, but Orihime didn't know what I thought of Kai.

    As we were all eating our large variety of foods, we didn't hear the front door open. If I had a warning, I would have ran, but it was too late as we all shifted our attention to the doorway of the kitchen. Kai stood still as a statue and he looked incredibly surprised to see me there. I dropped my chopsticks and stopped myself from breathing. I immediately veiled my fear with confidence. I looked at Matsuda and he nodded to me in encouragement. I stood up and made my way towards Kai, every pair of eyes following me. I stood in front of Kai with a welcoming look on my face and I smiled lightly.

    "Kai, can we go upstairs for a moment?"

    He seemed to hesitate but he nodded. I led him up the stairs and he followed behind me like an elegant ghost. We went into the bedroom followed by the traditional shutting of the door. Kai advanced ahead of me and sat himself down on the bed. I could feel my heart speeding up and my hands were starting to shake violently but I clung them to my pants to keep them from shaking off. I deliberately sat myself next to Kai, almost on him. He still felt very cold, but I trusted that he had fed. I leaned my head over and rested it on his rough broad shoulder. He stiffened but then relaxed a little. I was trying to soften him up a bit before I spill everything out and make things worse. He slowly slid his hand across the bottom of my back and wrapped his arm around my waist but he didn't pull me any closer.

    "How are you...feeling?"

    He paused for a moment. I was wondering if he would ever speak again, but he finally did, "Physically or mentally?"

    If we weren't delving into such a serious conversation, I'd have laughed at that. I sighed, halfway agitated because he asked me which one I wanted to know, and halfway relieved that he actually spoke, "Either,"

    He shrugged, "Physically I'm fine. I'm a little...uneven mentally and emotionally,"

    Great, he had to add emotional, didn't he? He inched me a little closer to him and rubbed his thumb against my waist, "What about you?"

    "I'm fine," although I really wasn't mentally.

    "I'm sorry...about everything,"

    "You have nothing to apologize for. It's better I know what's going to happen to me than just have it happen unexpectedly, don't you agree?"

    Kai sighed in slight defeat, "Arisa, I can't forgive myself when--if--you go through that. I've heard about stuff like that and absolutely nobody deserves it."

    "Maybe we shouldn't be so pessimistic about it. We could...count down our last days and make the best of them." and right when I said that, Kai was off of the bed, his back towards me, his hands on the back of his head and his fingers interlocked.

    "Don't say that, Arisa!" he hissed and it made me flinch a little and he whipped his hands down to his side.

    It was probably the worst timing in the world, but I didn't want to hold it back any longer. I stood up right away and the instant Kai turned back around, I embraced myself around his shoulders and would absolutely refuse to let go even if he yelled at me. He stood in shock but he didn't embrace me back. I buried my face in his cold porcelain neck and ran my fingers through his hair. I breathed heavily, trying to calm myself down.

    "What is it, Arisa?"

    I took a deep breath and swallowed the lump in my throat, "Is it a sin...if I feel towards you the way you're not supposed to feel towards me?"

    Kai held his breath and stiffened like a plank, "What are you saying?"

    "Everything that's happened, all that we've been through together, it means so much to me. Every time you're away, I can't wait for you to come back. Every time you're with me, I'm overjoyed." I took another deep breath, "Can you just...hold me for a moment?"

    He didn't exactly embrace me. He just rested his cold hands at the bottom of my back. I gripped his hair tighter and we stood in silence for an incredibly long moment, "I'm saying I'm...I'm saying...I'm trying to say...I love you," Kai tried to pry me off gently but I could feel the panic in his grip, "Kai, hang on, let me explain," I begged.

    I pressed my lips against his neck and held him tighter, "I don't know if what I feel is really what people would call love, but I just know that I don't want to be without you,"

    "Why...are you unsure if it's love?"

    "Because I've...never felt so connected and dedicated to anybody. You're the first guy I've ever really done anything with. I don't care if I'll be sent off to be sacrificed, I just want to spend the last moments with you..."

    Kai gripped my shirt and he tensed up, "Is that so?"

    He pried me off of him, avoiding eye contact once again. He glided to the door and exited swiftly, leaving me in the cold room again. My legs went limp and I dropped to my knees. I buried my face in my hands again and cried. I didn't know why I was crying so much. It's not like I could help how I was feeling towards Kai. I was probably crying so much because I felt so ridiculous. I told him how I felt and he just threw it in my face.

    My tears slowed down and I smiled to myself half-heartedly, "I'm such an idiot...thinking a mere weak mortal like me...could possibly keep a serious relationship with a 176-year-old Vampire...,"

    I realized I probably wasn't good enough for him since I was only a human girl. I didn't qualify with his kind. But it didn't change how I felt about him. I loved him and I wasn't going to let that leader or the contract or even the world change that.