• There was once a boy named Jim. Jim wasn’t the smartest kid nor was he the handsomest or the strongest but there was one thing about Jim that set him apart from other children: he hated all holiday characters. That included baby New Year, Cupid, The Easter Bunny, Jack Lantern, Jack Frost, and many others. More than any other character however Jim hated Santa. Nobody could figure out why Jim hated Santa so much. His parents tried everything to cure him of his hatred they sent him to psychologists, therapists, pediatricians, neurologists, even the World’s Top Scientific Organization (WTSO) but no one could get hard evidence on why he hated Santa. Personally I think he was jealous and I believe that is what led to his epic fight with Santa but I’m getting ahead of myself. This all started back in the year 1965. It was Christmas time again and Jim was his normal Christmas hating self. He would sit in his room all day long trying to avoid anything having to do with Santa. One day while he was sitting in his room eating a turkey sandwich (which his mother had brought him because he refused to come out of his room even to eat) he thought to himself, “You know why should I sit in here all cooped up for a whole month every single year. If I torture myself in order to stay away from Santa doesn’t that mean he wins? Only problem is if I leave I’m susceptible to running into Santa based things. Well you know what they say every problem has a solution and I think I’ve got one. I’m going to take out Santa.” And so he started working on his master plan. When he finished he went out to his mom. She was so surprised to see him out of his room that she nearly fell over. “Well hello there” she said “finally decided to come out of your room I see.” Though it took all his effort he smiled “you know he said I’ve decided to try and embrace Christmas rather than run from it because I realized that it’s kind of cowardly to hide in my room from Santa it’s like hiding under your covers from the boogey man.” He said “now the first thing I want to do to try to get in the holiday spirit is to go sit on Santa’s lap and ask for a bike.” His mother was thrilled “well” she said "get your coat and shoes and let’s go” so they went to the mall and waited in line to see Santa.” Now earlier I said Jim wasn’t very smart however he was no idiot he did know some basic things such as the mall Santa is not the real Santa he only works for Santa. When he got to the front of the line Jim sat on the imposter’s knee.
    “Well ho ho ho merry Christmas little boy what’s your name”
    Jim played along “My names Jim” he said
    “And what do you want for Christmas this year Jim”
    “I want a bike.” Replied Jim
    “I’ll have my elves get right on that” Said the man “ Well it’s time for you to go by now and see you next year”
    “Wait” said Jim “before you go I have to tell you a secret.” The fake Santa leaned in close “Listen you fat slug” started Jim “I don’t know who you are but I know who you work for. You tell Santa that Jim is coming to get him and that he doesn’t stand a chance of surviving tell him and I might you hear me might spare your life.” And with that Jim got up and walked off. Phase one complete on to phase two. “Ok now mom I want to go buy some gifts for our family.” Jim said but his mom had some shopping of her own to d so she gave him some money and told him to call her when he was done. Jim slipped away. He counted the money only one hundred dollars it wasn’t enough he needed more. “Looks like I’m going to have to work for this one.” So he set up a small stand that said remedial tasks I’ll do em’ for you. He got all kinds of costumers wanting different things from doing their holiday shopping to shining their shoes. The amount he charged depended on the difficulty of the task. After about an hour he had made fifty grand. “That’ll do” he said He found a place where he could use a computer and looked for a pilot he found one that would fly him to the north pole for twenty thousand dollars. The rest of the money he spent on supplies and weapons and bribing people to buy the weapons for him.
    He called his mom and they went home. The next day Jim had arranged to meet the pilot at the football field at his school he brought all the things he would need. He had payed a little extra so that the flight was completely confidential and the pilot couldn’t ask questions. When they reached the North Pole Jim thanked the pilot and went in search of Santas work shop. It took him two days but he eventually found it. The Elf’s were ready for him they had candy cane launchers and ginger bread soldiers and an array of other ultide weapons Jim grabbed the plexi glass shield he had on his back and a bat he went straight into the attack knocking out everyone who got near him. Finally he reached the main work shop where Santa surely resided. He went inside and sure enough there was Santa waiting for him. “I’ve been expecting you” said Santa Jim just stared this was the man he despised the man who had ruined December for him ever since he could remember and now he would have his vengeance “I’m guessing you didn’t know but I am skilled in the way of the elf fu used by only the highest of the elf ninjas. There are few left on this earth that know this sacred art and know I will use it to end your reign of naughtiness. With that he pulled out a staff and jumped on top of it. “For such a fat man you sure do have good balance” sneered Jim pulling out a 45 magnum and a knife “But what you don’t know is that I trained in the military fighting style of CQC.” And with that he rolled behind a pillar. Santa jumped of his staff flicking it into the air catching it and landing on the second floor. Jim looked out from his cover and shot at Santa. Santa dodged and bounce of a pillar right to jims position Jim tried to grasp Santa but Santa blocked his every move then Santa twirled his staff and went for a blow but Jim dodged just in time “Wow he’s fast” thought Jim I’m going to have to pull something crazy if I want to beat…” and that was the last thought he had before waking up in the workshops hospital without any recollection of anything Santa had won he had got Jim while he wasn’t looking and now he had one kid who thought he was an elf.