Scarred

• Artist: Violette Scarlette
• Description: This is the first chapter of the book I'm calling 'Scarred'. Tell me what you think!! Should I write more? Stuff I need to improve on? Thankss! ((PM me if you want a spot in the book.))
• Date: 03/11/2009
• Tags: scarred violettescarlette valoraette

I opened my eyes to find the light shining through my window. I groaned and looked over at my digital clock. Wonderful. 6:30 am. I buried my face into my pillow. I felt Jay's hands on my arms, lifting me up without much effort. He grinned widely and playfully at me. I chuckled on rolled my eyes.

Jay is my..'brother'. You see, I'm a Fairy. A normal fairy is playful, clever, and is a bright ray of sunshine. They are always playful and always so optimistic. I'm only playful when I feel like it, I cause trouble, and I am not a bright ray of sunshine. I'm usually just...like a human, I guess.

Jay is a vampire. Fairies aren't much different from vampires. We only eat flowers. I know, I know. Gross, right? No. Not for me. Its delicious. Especially roses. Oh, and Fairies don't have to eat every day. We only have to eat 4 times every month. But when I go to school, I usually eat that crap every human calls food.

"Hey! Demetra! Wake up!" he said in a sarcastic tone. He poked my cheek and I focused on him. I groaned again. "Let me sleep!" I growled. He laughed and flung me over his shoulder. "Y-you! Son of a--" He bounced me further up so I couldn't speak. He kept laughing as we joined the family.

As he let me down, my little 'sister' came running up, a wide smile on her face."Deetra! Deetra!" yelled Ebony. I chuckled and picked her up in my arms. "Hey, shortie. What are you doing up?" "Kems awarm woke me up!" she said in her giggly voice. "A 4 year old girl shouldn't be up at 6:30 in the morning!" I said and glanced over at Kemelle.

Kemelle was leaning over her math book. I peeked over her shoulder. The book read: Calculus. And underneath that, my name was written in purple ink. "Kemelle! Thats my book! And you're in 5th grade! Not high school!" She looked up with a bored expression and stuck her tongue out.

I growled and remembered a kid in my arms. I set her down and walked twards my room. I ran into other 'brother', Tyler. He raised a brow at me and set me straight. "You ok?" he asked. Any other girl would melt when he heard his voice. I used to have a thing for him before I was changed...

I sighed and hurried up to my room, ignoring his anxious look. I dug through my drawer and found a blue and silver shirt. I reached in the drawer below it and found some gray skinnies. I pulled them on, grabbed my backpack, and headed out the front door with my siblings, Jay, Tyler, Kemelle, and Kaelee following behind me.

Comments

[Kansas_In_Blood]

The story is a little choppy. When I say that I mean that the sentences don't flow as properly as they should. Work on description a little bit more, try to build up the character. What I suggest you do is write out a profile bio for each individual character and try to fit the description of them in the story. Just remember, flowing sentences, and description. All in all for a first time rough draft, a 4/5.

[Sefiroslionheart]

If this is a first draft its very good, but you need more description, dont get right to the point unless u want to show that the characters are in a hurry. Remember to use all FIVE senses so that your story never lacks depth or length ^_^ all in all its a very good start smile

[ii_little cutie stars12]

that was awesome i am going to make my own story i wat u to be my first reader