• Chapter 1


    Bring! Bring! Went the alarm clock and I just woke up in the morning at 6:00a.m. I got up and got ready to go to school, my brothers and sisters woke up after a little while, I felt so depress for some reason that I can’t figure out why. While I was brushing my teeth my youngest brother Adeel came in still a bit sleepy and also squinting his eyes I went downstairs to eat my breakfast. After that I went to my mum’s room and got a book and went in the living room with the book. After 15 minutes my friend came and I went downstairs to get ready, she knocked on the door my younger sister, Shanna, told me, “Your friend is at the door,” I asked her,
    “which one of my mate?”
    “Shanon” she replied,
    “Oh.” I felt even more depress and I felt down because I knew what type of person she is A USER! But I didn’t really want anyone in my family to get angry because I stay with her, so I just act normal. But today was different for some reason I made my face look low and depress which made my sister to say,
    “Are you alright?”
    “Yeah I’m fine,” I changed my mood to happy “I have to go now she’s probably wondering ‘where am I?’ or something like that.”

    I left home still feeling low but not saying anything to Shanon about it, and also changing my mood to happy. We were talking so much along the way and I was laughing so much because she was making me laugh so much. When we got to school the pips went so she went to registration and I did as well, only my friends Yasmin and Mourine were there.
    “Hello,” went Mourine
    “Hi” I said, I didn’t really mean it because I know what she’s like A USER just like Shanon.
    “Hello Tanika,” said Yasmin
    “Hello Yasmin, How are you?”
    “Not good.”
    “Why not, is everything alright at home with you?”
    “Yeah, it’s not that it’s just that I got a headache that’s all.”
    “Oh, did you have parasitamle?”
    “Yeah,” Yasmin said, I sometimes feel sorry for her because most of the time she’s left out and mostly been teased by Shelly and Shanon, and I feel very bad for her I wish I could make it up to her. Oh yeah Shelly is my other mate.

    The second pips went and my tutor came to register us, then after a little while my class boys came and went in the classroom me and my mate have already sat down, my tutor group have to sit down in a circle but other tutor group have to sit on a table. This makes me feel a little bit uncomfortable because the boys are always on one side, and the girls on the other side, and the feeling I get is that most of the boys are staring at me and it makes me feel awkward. And obviously I would feel that they like me! Won’t any girl would? So after our registration and my tutor was talking to us about boring old things that made us all bored, the pips went and we had to go to our lesson along the way to our lesson we met Shanon and Shelly and we went with them to our lesson. They went to their lesson and we went to ours. Sometimes when I’m in school I forget what sort of people they are like for example my mates I know what sort of person they are I even once said to Shanon that I think you’re using me! From then on she always tried to make me think that she’s not the type of person and that it’s Shelly the one who uses you and I even felt that both of them uses me, and then Shelly uses me I even told her that she uses me but all she does is say,
    “Oh, sorry Tanika I didn’t know” Like yeah right she didn’t know that, she just fakes it so that I will forgive her but I don’t, all I said to her,
    “Why do you do that, you think it’s so funny when it’s not and you also think you can do what ever you want, and then you say I’m a user you’re a user.” The she shuts up and doesn’t say anything because she knows it’s the truth. In lesson time I always try my best to do well in my work, I also realize that my so called ‘mate’ Mourine and Yasmin are users as well, sometimes I think that there’s no point of being there mate but then again I no other people to stay with so I just be mates with them for this reason I know it’s using but then again why can’t I use them if they can use me, I also get the feeling that the only reason they do this because they think I’m so dumb just because I’m the youngest in my whole year but not so dumb as they are.

    It’s not just my mates it’s also every other girls there they think I won’t know what sort of people they are but there are some that tell the truth as if they want to hurt me but I realize it, I still believe them on what they say. There also so jealous of me just because they know I’m so pretty and that most boys will like me. Anyway in class I have to admit I do show off but then again who doesn’t? Well I guess I’m not the only one who shows off.

    When I come home I feel that I want to be at school and not home because it feels like I’m in a jail because I can’t do what I want and in school I can do what I want, I feel so depress about it and angry. There is another reason why I feel depress is because the things that other religion do or aloud is that girls get to go out with boys and show off even though it’s wrong in Islam but still it’s so much more like better. And also I’ve got family problems so that makes things even more worse, this involves people spying on us (my family) and seeing what we do so How would that make me feel. I have no one to talk to about this and no one is there for me so what am I suppose to do? I sometimes really wish I could go out with someone. I know no one including my family loves me apart from this one boy in school that likes me which I feel so happy about because I’ve got someone that likes me and that really flatters me. Sometimes I really wish I’m not in that school but then again I have to say that this school is the bestest school I’ve ever been to and really think that I like this school.

    My life is not all bad I have had some good times in home and at school, oh yeah I’m still in school in year 11. Yeah I have to do my GCSE’s and I’m really nervous and I don’t want my GCSE’s to be bad just because of the way I am in school. I have laughs with my mates in school and have a laugh at home with my brothers and sisters. I know I can be annoying sometimes but then again who’s not annoying. I feel so stuck at home because of my dad! I just know that my dad hates me and I know that he’ll hate to know me that’s why I know I don’t like him my self that’s why stay away from him.