• Chapter 4

    As we were driving I was looking out of the wet window to see it was raining, as tears sting my eyes. Alan’s just driving, he’s not looking at me, I don’t want him to either. I feel that if he does he can find my weak spot and he might use it against me….oh my god what am I thinking he’s my boyfriend!! But I still feel this way I don’t know why, ever since my dad shouted at me like that it just hit me that he’s doing this because he’s trying to find something weak about me so he can use it against me. And now I feel that everyone wants to be like this; trying to care for me show me love but then find out that they are just betraying me. I sick inside me, I want to get out of this car, I don’t want to be in this car anymore I don’t want to run away with Alan anymore, I feel that I don’t love him anymore. I wipe my tears off my soft cheek and then turn to Alan and say, “Alan can you please stop the car?” He looks away from the road and is puzzled, and then he says,
    “Why?” I look down, I’m thinking what to say…what shall I say…think Tanika, think. Then suddenly clicks to me,
    “I need get something out of my bag from the boot, it’s really important to me and I really want it.” Well whatever I said it seemed to have worked, near the bright lights of London, he parks his car on the side of the road. Now’s my chance, I think to myself, now I can just get my bag and run for it. He opens the boot and then he says,
    “I’ll be waiting in the car ok?” In his sweet voice,
    “Ok,” I say back, and he hugs me tight, and walks back into the car. I get the big black bag out of the car, but then I was just about to shut the boot and ran for it when I had another idea. Instead of shutting the boot, I think to myself, I’ll just leave it open and then after some time he’ll come out and see that I’m not there! It’s brilliant!! Then I can be free, and what I want for a once instead of doing what others want.

    So I take the bag out and start running the opposite direction where he can’t see me, I’m running like a mad woman. As I’m running in the beautiful still of the night, I look behind to see Alan panicking at the fact that I’m not there. But I don’t care I still run even faster now! I’m thinking of where to go, I got a lot of money but I’ll need a place to stay, as I think this my phone starts give this shrill ring that made me jump, I look at the screen and it says ‘Alan calling’ as it’s flashing. I answer it and he’s breathing in and out as though he though I was dying,
    “Tanika! Where the hell are you?! Are you ok? Why did you run off like that?” I don’t say a word, and just click the phone off. Then I start to run again and this time in a slower pace.

    Then I stop to take a breath, and look around me that atmosphere is beautiful! There is this wonderful widen out building spread across the place with, it’s white with lots of windows, in front of the building is a big beautiful fountain with sparkling water coming out of it. Surrounding the fountain are nicely placed colourful flowers, it looks amazing. I feel happier warm, just by looking at the place. There’s a bench on either side of the fountain. I walk along the stony path which leads me to the right side of the bench. As I sit there, I start thinking about everything that just happened. Just a few hours ago I was lying in my bed at home while my whole family went out without me. Then I think about what I did to Alan…Oh my God Alan! I completely forgot about him, why did I do that to him? Why? Well now I know he won’t ever speak to me again. Ever. I call his number just to apologize and try and get him to speak to me again, the phone keeps on ringing and ringing, then it goes to voice message and I thought I might as well leave a message. Straight after the beep I say, “Hi, Alan it’s me Tanika. Listen I just want to say that I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have ran like that, but one thing I know is that you don’t want to speak to me which is fine I can understand how you feel. I just want to say again that I’m sorry I hope you’ll forgive me. To be honest with you I don’t think we should see each other anymore because I’m not one you want, and frankly you’re the one I want anymore. I’m really sorry I hope you understand. You probably won’t even care apart from the disappointment of not having sex with me. Well anyways take care, I hope you find someone ‘coz I know you will, bye” and I hang up.