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Chapter 1.
Cara held her grey cotton sweater to her face, leaning her head on the table and tugging some of her black hair behind her ear. Her friend, Naomi, was chatting away but Cara just "ummed" and "ahhed" in response, listening but not really hearing a word. She was tired, not getting much sleep because of the weird dreams she'd been having for several days.
"Cara? Did you hear what I said?" said Naomi, nudging her with her elbow. She was always talking about ghosts or UFOs. Nothing peaked Naomi's interest like a good mystery.
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"Yeah, you were saying something about missing people somewhere," Cara mumbled, having caught bits and pieces of Naomi's babbling.
"Well it's weird since all the missing people are young girls, good students and..."
Naomi stopped suddenly when the magazine she'd been holding was snatched out of her hand.
"And have sexy looking bodies," said Zachary, looking at the pictures in the magazine he'd just taken from Naomi. "What a waste...I wanna lay down with any of the for sure. This girl's hot...wow a cheerleader. No wonder."
"God Zach, get your own copy and for heaven's sake, give that back. Ewww..you have your drool all over it all ready," Noami said as she tugged it from Zach's hand and rubbed it against his bag.
"So what's your theory, Naomi? Abduction by aliens again?" he mocked.
A day couldn't pass without the two of them trying to make each other mad, fighting like a married couple. Naomi hit Zach's head with the magazine.
"A serial killer?" Cara added when Naomi passed her the magazine.
She held it by the edges, a bit grossed out by the thought of Zach's saliva all over it but she couldn't see any traces and figured Noami was just joking back at Zach.
"No, I don't think so...There is something odd though--all the missing girls have a weird symbol on their palm, a round circle with a star in it. There it is," she replied, pointing to a rough drawn picture on the page.
When Cara looked at the symbol, she felt a nasty, negative feeling and suddenly had a headache, letting the magazine go. Naomi asked if she was okay but she waved her away saying she was okay. She gazed at the magazine, wondering what had brought that on.
- Title: Missing(C-1)
- Artist: Xana Xeya
- Description: Ok this story is mostly supernatural, battle and creepy stuffs. Its my first story. Please tell me if there is anything that I can improve. I already written a few chapters and my friends been helping me to edit it. Thank you to Ed for encouraging me to write. Thank you also for Lynn, Silver and Teeds for editing my stuffs. Ahem and also to Zach for giving me a lot of infos on martial arts. ^^ I hope readers will enjoy the story.
- Date: 04/30/2009
- Tags: missing
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Comments (7 Comments)
- princess_ais_protector - 06/26/2009
- Alright. I like the story. But your writing could use some work in the second paragraph. The last sentence you could just delete entirely, since you already emphasized that naomi is cara's friend. The second should be rewritten to give better flow. I would rewrite it like this : "She was always talking about ghosts or UFOs. Nothing peaked Naomi's interest like a good mystery." But other than that, good story so far. I'll be commenting on your other chapters too. Good luck, X.
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- Paramore2789 - 06/16/2009
- I love it! It is definatly well written, and the plot is really good so far. It is very short, but I still can' t wait to read more! Please read my work!
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- Aeris Avalon - 05/28/2009
- Well, I figured that as a writer and a reader I should give this a look! It's fairly short, but I'm already smiling at the characters; they remind me of a few friends of mine, just as our mutual buddy suggested they would. The pentagram is an archaic symbol that, unfortunately, has been passed off in more modern cultures as 'evil'. I have to wonder if you're inverting it here or not?
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- Easily-Irritated89 - 05/14/2009
- Ohhh pretty good so far.. i cant wait to read more!! smile
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- Mia Zeya - 05/05/2009
- This is a very good beginning. It definitely peaks interest in those missing girls and the symbol. I like how you separate the character's personalities too. =)
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- XxSmile_Dont_CryxX - 05/05/2009
- pretty cool story
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- Teeds - 05/01/2009
- hey sis congrats on the story ^^
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