Time and time again I would look out the window, and heard the dogs barking, the cat fights that woke up everyone in the house. Never once did I feel whole. The window was a sign for me to be free, but no one was ever, outside this house of mine were shadows that stalked the night. Shrieks of pain that wondered, no one attempted to do anything. I still gazed out wanting and waiting for something to happen, more than just this life of mine. I never said my life was boring….just nothing I had expected it to be.
Each time I paced back and forth through the house being apathetic never struck my mind, staying focus and dreaming that one day it would all end. All the lies, wars, and horrid people would just disappear but they won’t. When I say this, does this make me any better, do I deserve to be here as well? I was being played no matter how many times I tried to tell myself, no one would really say or do that to me? I lied. Once again, I was broken hearted, without my friends, without any strength to stand up, and no reason to even care about life. I had one friend, who has been with me for life, and she wasn’t here for me now, and I wasn’t going to let her know my sorrows. I sat with my cell in one hand and my cat upon my shoulder, and I threw my phone against my bed. No more was I here for someone else, I was living for myself. Now I face challenges of seeing if I can.
I woke up the morning feeling horrible as I did the day before, not caring for a thing in the world. What a waste…I took a step onto the floor, and of course my goofy dog stayed by my side. She didn’t shriek for she was one of those lazy dogs, who wouldn’t wake up even if she got drop kicked. If she smelled food she would be up and out of here. In that case, I tried my best to step over her fat body as a roll of fat covered her snout. Her heavy breathing and the drool that came out of her mouth and onto my carpet, wasn’t anything unusual. I hurried and took my shower, just a quick one. I didn’t feel up to my usual hour shower, and doing everything a girl would do to empress someone, I dried off, and went to grab a plum from my kitchen. Trying to get from the hallway to the kitchen was horrible tripping over at least two cats along the way. Little Tony was my kitten who always was by me, but tripping over her, she might die.
My mom was already at the computer telling me to go take care of the animals and drinking her coffee plain as can be. My father wasn’t my real father and he hated my guts, I wasn’t as precious as his son. Thank Buddha he was not here to add to my suffering. I opened the garage door and took a few steps to hear the sound of the gate closing and opening. I turned but no one was there, probably just a cat. I placed the lock onto it but I didn’t lock it all the way, because getting the key and unlocking it was such a pain.
“Lulla, phone for you” My mom shouted but of course I had my head phones in while taking care of the animals. Yelling would not even help. Number one thing about a teenager, headphones in, outside world equals not listening. I felt a slight nudge in my back; my mother had pushed the phone in my back. I turned around and grabbed the phone, Alice had called me. Checking up on me was her usual daily routine. “Better not be any cuts on your body!” Always making I laugh, but I knew she knew I was upset. She didn’t question, or treated me like I needed someone always there for me. “Hey I will call you back in fifteen minutes.” I assumed she was going to go feed her face; Alice was the type to always eat and never look like she ate anything. She never grew after she hit the 8th grade. She always remained her five foot six self.
I continued watering each water bottle. I heard loud running feet heading for my gate. I thought maybe just the guys down the street on drugs again. “You!” I felt my hair being pulled backwards, my feet slowly slipping under me. Alice’s face was in mine, and she was angry. Her breathing was rapid as she gasped for air. She glared at me for a few seconds, and then the laughing came into play. “You sounded like my dog when you breath” Alice glared at me again, but she hadn’t realized that her eyes had a similarity to a child rapist devouring his prey. I didn’t want to involve her in my pettiness and my life story. She started feeding the animals; dogs, cats, chickens, rabbits and guinea pigs. Once again she did not do her normal routine of question and answered game. She knew I just needed company.
During the night, the moon shined across the lawn and onto my windowsill. The wind blew and felt good, since the whole day was hotter than hell itself. Alice had already fallen asleep; she was never able to stay up late, although at times she had beaten me. I adored the night, it was beautiful. Some birds said their last goodnights, and chirped. I questioned myself does the one person I love hate me? Sounds foolish all over one silly guy, but it’s not, I care for him. I have been beaten down, heart crumbled to bits, and for what to be laughed and mocked. I just hated being used, at times I would lie awake and feel like I was worthless, as my parents would state over and over again.
Everyone has it tough, just mine was getting through the fights daily. The cold air whipping around the room, gave me a cold chill. I still stared up at the midnight stars, a glimpse of blue hit me, and I loved the blue stars found them to be amazing, since they were the hottest stars. I heard the gate opening and closing again, so I checked it out. The lock was not around. I sighed just getting a bit frightened always wonderful idea on a Wednesday night. Luckily school has been out for a week now, so no school yay! On the other hand, I was in summer school for failing English. I got independent studies, thought it was easier, but hell no! After I closed the gate, I double checked to make sure the gate was sealed tight. I thought again just a dang cat. I heard the gate shake I looked nothing was there. A shadow of a figure was behind me. I snapped my head around getting ready to attack whatever it is. “Whoa There!” Alice blocked my punch. She rubbed her eyes, I could tell she had been watching me her eyes were all red.
Always checking up on me, it was nice. “You do know the moment you got up I woke up. I’m a light sleeper.” She yawned and placed her hand upon her hip. A sign she was disgruntled and a little worried. I patted her on the head, she pushed my hand aside. Since she was very tired, she didn’t notice that the door frame was so close to her face that she turned and smacked into it. I wanted to burst out laughing, but the rush of blood poured from her nose. “Oww” Slow reflexives another trait she has. I could knock her out and after she wake up she’d ask for food, but afterward say it hurts. “You are a dork, at least it is a small one, want some pickle juice with it?” I asked, about two to three months ago, I had finished all the pickles in the jar, and made my way to drinking the juice. Alice proclaimed it to be gross, and she thought she placed her flag. I wanted her to some. I poured some into a blue class. She pretended to drink some, and I push the cup upward, making it end up in her nose, and all over her clothes. She was very angry, but to be honest it made my day. Sadly, moments later she had a three hour nose bleed.
“No I don’t want any ******** pickle juice in my nose, EVER!” I backed off, it was worth it. I was no longer sad for this moment. The nosebleed situation was under control. Alice and I went to bed. Although a certain boy was stuck into my ludicrous mind, I had a dream about him. Now you’re thinking sex, definitely. How about the exact opposite, he was the guy who was opening and closing the gate. He never talked to me again, but he kept dropping hints, or clues. Now this is just silly. I woke up by a loud scream. My parents had left early to go look at a house we may or may not buy. I sluggishly drug myself out of bed, and walked down the hall into the kitchen. “What’s your problem?” Attitude my trait, sadly hated to admit this but I was a bit of a hot-head. Alice had been cooking some pancakes and lights the towel on fire. We quickly placed it into the sink and turned on the water, I patted her on the head again. She pushed my hand away again. “Do you know what time it is?” I place my hand on my hip and gave her the bird. “By the way it’s peanut butter jelly time!” I shouted making sure it reached her down at the other end. I climbed back into bed, as I pulled the covers up towards my face, a book hit my chest. Ouch was not the first thing that came to mind, it was the fact that I haven’t read a book in weeks, now their flying at me! Jesus Christ! Actually didn’t shock me one bit, this house had been an old grapevine industry so wouldn’t doubt they would be any ghost here.
I ignored the book and rested my head against my polka dotted pillow. The sun shined in through the curtains in my room. The wind was still, not even a bird chirped, quiet as can be. As I lay on my bed, I was unable to go back asleep, and a bird chirped, at first I had thought the bird was far away. As I approached the window, the bird was laying on a flower near the house. Staring up at me, very odd birds normally stay away, but maybe this bird had some mental problems. I had told Alice about the bird, but when she went outside she didn’t see it. So I continued to look for the bird, the bird started to chirp and he was on the roof. “Alice! I found the bird!” She rushed out immediately, and she too saw the bird, so I haven’t gone completely insane. Although I still question it. We threw bread crumbs on the roof; the bird hesitated but later on trusted us enough to eat them, moments later the bird had flown away. Alice ran passed me chasing and kicking the chickens. “Just don’t actually make contact with them” She laughed the chicken was stop once in awhile and squat down into the grass. She would accidently kick them but if they didn’t be quiet we could be in big trouble.
At this time I didn’t realize that I was over texting, I just didn’t want to anymore. Someone texted me I would just ignore them. I was in high school, so that was the new thing was texting and trying not to get caught in the classrooms. Alice and I walked down to the mall; we were just hoping to get out of the house for awhile. The nagging mother just wasn’t exciting enough. We went to a few stores, one we never would go into was Victoria secret it’s true; we did buy some bras from there. Not like I’d wear them. I thought of woman being displayed as sex dolls, just wasn’t right, just immortal. Then woman see their man looking at it, and feeling uncomfortable. We stopped by hot dog on a stick, it is very original. I got a weird text message by Angel, telling me he loves me. At this moment hearing that did not make a difference for one, I was able to make many guys fall for me. I actually was one of those girls who didn’t give a s**t about how I look, or what’s the latest fashion. How about the latest fashion is on my dam body, a couple of girls call me stubborn, and I say I’m realistic.
Alice noticed my current boyfriend walked in through the automatic doors, since he had been ignoring me for the pass five days, I didn’t even want to acknowledge he was alive. Alice dragged me away we went into the arcade, which we never exactly go in. “I have no idea why Max is here.” She peeked over my shoulder to see the direction they were heading but since she was a littler shorter than I she had difficulties seeing over. She looked toward the DDR (Dance, Dance revolution) machine, as if to challenge me once again. “What song?” I scrolled through the song list. We were anime freaks, so techno was are new thing. We decided over Dam Dadi Doo by the Nightcore. Alice was fast and very noisy when took her steps upon the arrows. I was a dancer for eleven years, so really it was unfair. Keeping up to the song was easy peasy. Alice got the failed signed on her screen, my score kept heading up. “Lulla, babe” Max’s hand was placed on my shoulder, I brushed it aside. Alice looked ready to grab me or run, and if she got angry enough to punch him, right then and there. The song had finished, and he leaned in to kiss me. I turned away as if I was pouting. “Alice let’s go” We walked out without looking back once. We headed home. Never once have I had a guy come to me.
I heard footsteps behind us following us close. I didn’t care, I wanted out of there, to not feel unloved, and to be noticed. “Max, just leave her alone.” Alice pushed him away, and I walked foreword. Max was a great guy, always thinking of me, and he was always there for me. I just have no idea why he changed to a total a**. “My phone was taken from me, since I got grounded from it” He shouted, same odd excuses, my last boyfriend Jay said the same thing, always when I would talk he would never reply, but a couple of days later he would say the same thing. “Like I give a s**t” I flipped him off, and I walked a faster pace trying to hit the button for the walk signal, to cross the street. Alice was right behind me. “Max, I loved you. Now I just hate you.” I said those words without hesitating, but did I really mean them? I think I was adding them for dramatic effect. He stood there with his head down, like he had cared for me. I looked back, but I didn’t care until tears came down. A guy crying for me, can’t be? “No! Keep walking.” Alice dragged me across the road. We made it before the stop hand appeared on the box to tell us to cross the street. I turned my head to see Max running across the street as cars were coming. “You don’t let me finish, I got in trouble by sneaking out to go see you that one night.” I remembered he didn’t go home until at least 2 o clock. I still was a little unsure of myself. Alice rolled her eyes; she said I had bad taste in men. She said she’d prefer me to become lesbian. “Lulla, please?” He placed his soft hand by my face and pulled it towards his, and he gave me a soft, gentle kiss. A breeze came by swiftly and powerfully. Max felt it as well, made him look around. Alice stood shocked.
The sky looked dark, in a matter of seconds. Weather took hours to change, not seconds, hail proceed with the changing of the weather. It’s a good thing we lived in California events like tornados, and hurricanes never existed. Max and Alice ran with me to my house, which were only blocks away from the mall. Nearly tripping over ourselves we made it into my house, soaked and cold. I grabbed towels and flashlights just in case. My mother was asleep on her bed, with her knitting on her stomach. I removed anything that might stab her and placed it within her sewing bag. Alice was glaring at Max and he was staring at his wet jeans. Max wasn’t a bad guy; just Alice was tired of me getting hurt, and not being unable to stand up for awhile. She was an amazing friend, and sometimes I never tell her that. “Lulla your wet too, get a change of clothes on” Alice commanded me, like I was a little child again, I know my steps in life are a little behind oh well. My clothes being wet didn’t change the fact that the weather was warm to me. Normally the cold weather was freezing to me, but it felt good. Alice loved the cold weather, but I saw how she was shivering, and holding the towel close to her body. I wasn’t even bothered by the wetness of my clothes or how cold the house had become.
The lights flickered on and off, and then moments later, the power had shut off. Good thing I had grabbed the flash lights, and I gave one to everyone, and I placed one by my mom. “I prefer the dark, much better.” Max laughed, as Alice was a bit frightened, I too preferred the dark. It was quieter and more relaxing. I sat next to Max, and he leaned on me. He was tall, and had long black hair, which was definitely against dress code. His blue eyes just were enough for any girl to turn and look at him. A lot of girls are scared of him because his eyes are the eyes of a killer. I think they are wonderful. Now I sound like some in love school girl. Moments ago I was staring out into a gray sky, as a helpless bird in a cage may have been. Sometimes I wonder if I am bipolar. Megan sat scooted further away from us, like she was angry. The storm rolled through slowly, and Max was out of my house by eight o clock. The wind was soft, but had moisture. Definitely not California weather, nor was in Clovis weather. Weeks passed again not a sound from Max, he would reply to my messages on Xbox live, but always stating he was having some family issues. I said to myself, that I can’t do this again, getting hurting was always number one in my life. Alice watched as I suffered or being neglected, not just by my boyfriend, but by my family. They always casted me aside, and favored my eldest sister. For she was bold, and daring, and I watched as the seasons passed by me, and I stood still and silent.
What was love? I recited in my head. When someone tells you they love you do they mean it? How will you ever know? Sad, and depressing, but often quite true, you will never know. Why would you love another if you felt unneeded to that person? I took out my anger on online players on Xbox live. I felt sorry for them, at first I slaughtered everyone, but then the angry eased out and I became crushed. Playing Call of Duty 4 was fun, but what a big waste of time, but I guess you got to waste time somehow, and it was a prefect way to waste time. My family grew angry with me, as I started to distant myself even more from them. I wasn’t what they wanted, never was, and never will be. I just thought maybe I could be, but I was just wasting my time, like I do when I play Xbox live.
“Lulla get to bed” My mom yelled in, she normally woke up around four, maybe four thirty. I still didn’t feel the need to go to bed. Although for my body was getting weak, and I grew angrier every day. I hated going to bed, means I would end up dreaming, some lame and dumb dream, more or less a nightmare. It was the same one for the pass couple of days. I was alone and people mysteriously started disappearing, and winding up dead days later. I rolled in my sleep, sweating from all the screams I’m hearing in my head. I squeezed my lion. Wanting someone to understand my pain, I was tired, tired of fighting. I woke up, startled by a crow flapping it’ black glossy wings and squawking at my movement in my sleep. I walked into my kitchen, hoping I would slip and fall on the dirt on the tiled floor. I drink a glass of water, and sat on my computer chatting with my friends, on MySpace (The new teenage connection to other teens around the world).
I was this desperate for people to talk to. Then I notice all the friends I did have soon disappeared, and I was exposed as a fake friend. I wasn’t a fake; I cared deeply about each person that was in my life. I was out on display as a fake, and they were disgruntled that I would help anyone in need even if I hated them. I sat holding the phone waiting for someone to call, and when no one called I knew that no one cared.
I cried that night, not even Alice was there to guide me. I was angry with her, so truly no one was there; I had become a lone wolf. I finally stepped off the ledge and have become someone whom I never wanted to become, I thought moments it was for the best because on one would get hurt, and neither would I. The first day of school, I will be alone. “Alone…” I whispered, tears came streaming down, they didn’t stop. I wanted to be able to say I would be okay, but I would be lying to myself. I knew life would hurt, just not this much.
I dug my nails into my leg, causing my leg to bleed. I heard a loud scream; I questioned my sanity as I ran for the backyard. My rabbits were very important to me. I grabbed a branch that had fallen from my plum tree. A shadow figure moved across the year, I took the branch a swung around myself, staying lower toward the ground. I felt someone had tugged on my shirt, messing with me. I felt another tug; I spun around and struck something with my arm. Stinging sensations went down my arm, and reach my fingers, and then it was numb. “Lulla” It whispered into my ear, I bit my lip, blood has spilled into my mouth. I hurried onto the patio, where the light was visible. Nothing approached, I waited patiently, and the squawking of black crows seems to get louder and louder, than disappeared. A bad omen, and i knew it had eyes for me...
End of chapter 1 XD
- Title: Broken Shades
- Artist: BunnyDreamKiss
- Description: Well It's mostly about two best friends; Lulla and Alice, discovering what happens when you fall out of love, and sometimes friendship. A myserious guy name Max, who could possibly be a night stalker, or a player. Discovering what lays in a forbidden world of darkness...
- Date: 07/22/2009
- Tags: broken shades pain younglove
No comments available ...