• the night before"
    A clean piece of paper. Like a clean slate, which is what I desprately wanted. I ran away from my husband The dark priest, Lord Daniel Toro, and into the arms of a lover who promised me the world. Daren Yazomiki,words once like spring to me now give me heart burn.

    When that failed I decided not to run any longer. Why must I be the one to run? Was it because of my sex, my lack of royal blood, or was it my nature to run? NO, it was never in my nature to run, and what would I do but run into the arms of another lover? Get tossed out like trash again? No, i refuse no more why do I need a man?

    Those were my thoughts when i started this clan.now as i sit nearly nude in the 3 am gloom of my office. I feel lonely. never mind that my pleasure slave is asleep on the the pile of cushions behind me, or my 30 children and an un-numbered amount of grand children sleep in other areas of the compound. I am lonely for the one man who has treated me better than someone to birth his kits and run his home. Sadly I haven't seen him in days and I took my frustration out on Hoth my pleasure slave. He never complains, the poor incubus only knows pleasure. Such is the curse of being male in his race, to be dominated by women and love it.

    I sigh in annoyance, lust assuaged, loneliness just wouldn't leave me. I want strong arms to hold me, and sharp fangs to nibble my throat. Where is he? I worry at times especially with recent happenings in my clan. I sat in the chair enjoying the glow of the moon on my skin wishing it was it was him giving me warmth and not the goddess's moon. I send up a prayer for his safety and return to me, and I hope that soon he'll be mine forever. The one man I loved but had never touched.
    3 days left

    I watched the hunters come back with there various catches. Fish in large nets, rabbits both living and skinned, chickens, a boar on a sling carried by three men. I nearly laughed myself into the grave when Hoth come through the front gate in nothing bu this glory carrying a 12 foot anaconda. He noticed and gave me a wink. Pervert. After them came the Nagas with two deer ready for butcher..

    The Nagas were a clan to themselves, they have there own land but our clans are so closely tied its hard to see the differences anymore. Especially now since there crown prince Sam had married my daughter Anya. Starier helped me start my clan,or did i help start his? It was hard to remember, point is they are family. I foster there children Starier fosters mine. Family Pure and simple.
    Being a demoness has its perks,one magic, I used now to make the torches dim and amplify my voice.

    KIMI CLAN, NAGA FRIENDS, DRAKIO CLAN! I AM HAPPY TO ANNOUNCE THE WAR IS OVER WE ARE FREE!

    There was a 3 second delay and then there were cheers of relief. There would be much feasting and parting tonight. I on the other hand would be on the look out fro Trojan horses. probably locked in my office all night, with some nice red Romanian wine to soothe me. Nice gift my son gave me.

    I look around my bed chamber now its thankfully dark. They don't know the price I paid for them. If I have my way they never will. My will is written, in case of the worst. I lay in the dark and cool and smile at the ceiling. I love them all. My family is my life, All my wealth, immortality, magic, beauty,even my life Id give for them to be safe and happy.
    Its too early to drink, I cannot sleep, the smell of roasting meats wafts in and makes me hungry. I cant help it, i haven't eaten in days. I take a drink of the koolaid i keep in my hip flask and lie there still in my white clothing and armor. I'm slightly relieved. he wrote a letter today i got it from a messenger at dawn. He sends love to me. Hes safe. Hes very busy,etc. He would see me for awhile, they were suspicious. I threw my flask against the wall. ******** my soul was crying it .I guess in the end i guess ill always just be a fool in love.

    I informed those who will be leading after me, they didn't receive the news well. My elder son especially, does not want to lead. They are my best and brightest, there our hope. I will be gone in three days or the war will restart. I will be alone or more will perish.
    Anya is a wise a patient girl she will keep her brother Cure in check, Kym will balance his brother and sisters' tempers. Kym will work with allies, Anya will run internally, and Cure will be in charge of military. I hope Ron my general will just go with this. I need a drink now, desperately, I wanna drown my sorrows in sweetness. I will be drunk tonight, so drunk if Hoth wants to use me I wont feel it.... Hoth I must set him free.

    2 days left
    I sent copies of my will to the heads of my allies' clans. They won't understand, I wish they had given me more time. I hate leaving a mess. I'm out numbered and outdone here, I 'm doing what i must. Right? I spent the day with my sons and daughters, and my nieces and nephews, my grandchildren. None know that the day after tomorrow I'll be gone. Dead to them, while i wander the lonely world a slave myself. If I had more powerful allies, If I had made this collection of artists and scholars turn warrior, would it be this way? They still out number us 3 to 1 so no it would have happened the same correct?

    I sent him a note. To tell him what was happening , He received it this morning, he swears hell rescue me. Part of me doesn't want him to try. Am I that willing to be a martyr? He says they deserve death, they do for all that they have killed and stopped from happening, but I fear for him more than I fear for myself. Am I fool? Most likely but I can't bring myself to care. I want one more kiss, one more embrace. I wandered the corridors of the compound, enjoyed the wonders of art and poetry my clan has made. Even those perverted in nature were strangely beautiful to me.
    Each line , stroke, hammer blow, all were haunting me. I'd never forget them. I'd travel and see my clans work everywhere someday. This place the new Athens, or Alexandria, a place for learning and culture and love. My Love if your gonna save me make it soon. I don't want glory or feastables,but my children aren't ready to lead. Cure can't hold his tongue, Anya gets nervous, and Kym was a good boy, but overly gentle.
    Tonight I will pray. May the Goddess hear my pleas. Hope is alll that I have left. Goddess please hear me. Keep them safe all of them.

    1 day left

    A messenger came to me this morning. a vial and instructions. take half at dawn take rest at midnight tomorrow. Its supposed to be a sleeping potion, they'll come as I sleep and carry me away into the world far from my clan, my family, my lover. Its probably actually poison. Yet I' m willing to take it. I realized long ago my family, my clan is my life itself. I stare at the wall. I am knee deep in paperwork, but I can't force myself to do it. I'm sorry loves . Mom is sorry forgive me.

    I spent 2 hours crying in my office. No letter today, he doesn't realize time is almost up does he? He'll just find another lover like the rest did right? And my lil 7 yr old grandson? will he ever lose that damned tooth? I realize I'll never know, and it frightens me to the core. I'll miss them. maybe they weren't lying. She knows how I feel, she purposely chose a fate worse than death. b***h how could she do this. I ordered that tomorrow at 1 am they were to triple fortifications on the compound. I'm not stupid. I know she'll try if for nothing more than curiosity.
    I can hear the blacksmiths going full hilt in there work, I can see people scurrying about drying food for the upcoming winter, trading goods, being happy with this "peace" Perhaps this bargain isn't so bad... There safety for my happiness. Seems more than fair one life for how many 90? 100? possibly more? More than fair right?
    I can see clouds, it will rain, but that's OK. I like the rain. It makes the world sleepy, and it will be good for us. She'll attack after she steals me away, and her clan won't be able to move well, my clan will be able to, and they'll be fortified. They'll be safe. I just want one letter more, it will be as the embrace i long for. You b*****d send me a letter. I am still a lover, no matter what i do.
    the last day
    At dawn I drank half the potion with my wine. I felt it make my body tingle. Still no letter. My Love just send me a letter. I prayed all morning. I was still hoping the Goddess would make time slow down, just a little while longer with them. That's all I wanted. Time never meant so much to an immortal before, but it was my last day. I hoped they'd write nice things in the history books. Not much just a paragraph saying i loved or something. I set Hoth free in a letter to my magistrate. He can sleep with whomever he wants now. I wrote a letter to all of my children and there families, to my siblings, to old lovers, the words came surprisingly easy to me know. They were sent before 3 that afternoon.

    I went into my garden and hid among the flowers there. Roses, bleeding hearts, lilies, irises, magnolias, in fragrant bloom this is where I wish to be taken from. I stream in the corner making happy noises. I had gave birth to my first child here, had created my last here, and kissed my lover here. Our only kiss. A chaste one full of promises. I'm sorry my love, I had hoped for them to come true. I guess the gods decided otherwise. I removed my armor put it on the porch. I left it to Anya. My sword to Cure, My library to Kym. Kym would appropriate them.
    Dusk was upon me already. I cried again. MY HEART WAS BREAKING! MY CHILDREN, MY FRIENDS,LOVER.......I cried until the sun had gone down. I then stood up and removed my clothes and lain upon the grass. The grass tickled my wounds and older scars, I was never a warrior. I protected my children and payed for it with a ruined body. I let the light of the full moon warm me. Goddess if you hear me let them stay safe. My happiness for there safety that was her bargain. Make her keep it. Make Lover forget me, we never knew each other so there shouldn't be much to remember.
    Goddess Save Them. I was crying again and I barely registered it. Tomorrow Hoth would be free, my children would take the thrown, lover would be alone. I had only wanted one more letter. One more word from him. One more kiss. One more moment with my children.
    The clock struck midnight and i closed my eyes and drank the vial. I felt the world dissolve around me and I was floating...."I love you all"...........( I don't know if i should end it here or have her rescued)