The phyco killers revenge

• Artist: Xx_ODET_xX
• Description: tell me what ya think...its a rough draft so comment on what you think I should add and what i should exclude ect....rate plz
• Date: 08/23/2009
• Tags: revenge phyco killer

Once there was a tennager named Kasey Shanel. She is 16 and currently lives with her mother,father,and aunt in a trailer park,they moved there after Kasey's brother's death.He was murdered the day befor Kasey's 10th birthday she always hated that day. After her brothers death she went into a depression and she put on "shows" at the park on the metal bars and even if she got hurt,she didn't get hurt.One day after they moved in completly Kasey got the paper for her father and she saw that a couple in the trailer park were killed in there home in there sleep.
She showed her father the news and there were both in shock.Her father removed his glasses and said "Well this is really something!" he said putting his glasses on and looked at Kasey.Kasey thought for a while could it be the same killer who killed Zack? No he's most likely to still be in jail." She got ready for work and went fishing for Kevin's House Of Fish's fresh fish.She really wished it was a mans job and not hers.

When she had 56 fish she headed back to the resturant and whent home.She got to her room then rememberd that she had to go to yoga lessons today for her stress at work.Wen she got there,there must of been like 30 people in her yoga class, She found she was more flexable then she knew.She thought about her flexabilaty and after yoga went to a dance studieo and took dance lessons and dreamed of becoming a dancer. She then though about how it would affect her life.

Comments

[Xx_ODET_xX]

I was little so I wasn't very good at writing or spelling

[Monochrome Nightfall]

I agree with Lily, but you might wanna spell check, too; for example, "Wen" instead of "when", and "there" for "their". Also, make sure there's spaces after commas: "She found she was more flexible then she knew.She thought" etc, etc should be "She found she was more flexible than she thought. She", etc, etc. But yeah, it is rather choppy. Title- Story's less "Psycho killer getting revenge on Kasey" and more "Kasey's brother died, she's sad, people killed, work, yoga. 2/5, sorry.

[Xx_ODET_xX]

Its not an introduction,so you want me to keep or lose the title i was confused

[Prime Time Parade]

The title doesn't match your story though. I mean I can imagine what you're going for but you might want to keep to the title. If this is an introduction it's a little too long yet at the same time too short and choppy.