• (green screen with the famous white letters)
    The following preview has been approved for NO ONE by the broken robot spoof committee of Misery

    (dramatic music and a picture of a robot fades in)
    Broken Robot Entertainment.
    (fades out)

    (an over shot of the beach appears)
    Random Person: Oh s**t! A vampire!

    Scene: Outside of Charlie’s house
    (Bella’s red truck pulls up with extremely noisy tires as it comes to as stop)

    (Bella and Edward are standing next to the truck)
    Bella: It’s my ******** birthday, b***h. Can I ask for something? Kiss me…
    (Edward looks at Bella’s creepy face)
    Edward: Ah, hell no…I’m so not doing that.
    Bella: But it’s in the script.
    Edward: I don’t care…I’m not kissing your mother flaggin’ mouth.
    Bella: But I love you!

    Scene: Carlise’s office
    (Edward and Bella are standing close to each other)
    Edward: You’re my only reason to stay gay…if that’s what I am.
    Bella: If? Are you seriously not sure about that still? I mean, I thought we came to the conclusion that you were already.

    Scene: The Cullen’s living room
    (Alice is dragging Bella down the stairs by her hair. Edward is close behind drinking from a flask.)
    Alice: It’s time! It’s time!
    (Esme hugs Bella when she’s off the stairs and away from Alice)
    Esme: Happy Birthday, you dirty skank.
    Alice: Open your presents.
    (Alice points to the table of spoons)
    Alice: And there’s spoons too.
    Bella: Spoons? Why are there spoons?
    Alice: They’re nneewwwwww spoons.
    (Bella grabs a spoon and cuts herself on it)
    Bella: What the hell kind of devil spoons are those?
    (a drop of blood falls on the carpet and Jasper comes running at Bella)
    Jasper: (in slow mo) JJJJJEEEEEEERRRRRRRMMMMMMMMSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
    (Edward shoves Bella back into the wall and pushes Jasper into their cardboard piano.)

    Scene: Freaky a** forest behind Charlie’s house
    (Bella and Edward are just standing there)
    Bella: What happened with Jasper was nothing.
    Edward: Nothing to what could have happened…and some other bull s**t. But I promise to never put you through anything like this ever again. This is the last time you’ll ever see me.
    (Edward goes to kiss Bella on the top of the head but she jabs him in the throat)
    Bella: d**k.
    (Edward walks away while grabbing at his throat and coughing. Bella yawns.)
    Bella: Time for my nap.
    (Bella lays down on the ground and goes to sleep.)

    Scene: A dead, nasty version of the meadow.
    (Laurent and Bella are just standing in the middle of it.)
    Laurent: How much could you mean to him when her left you here?
    Bella: Holy s**t! Did you get paler? And why do your eyes look so…weird?
    (Laurent ignores Bella and goes on with his speech. Bella just rolls her eyes.)
    Laurent: Unprotected…But I can’t help my self. You’re just so mouth watering.
    Bella: Oh, you like it? It’s my new shampoo.
    (Laurent appears right in front of Bella and runs his hand through her hair.)
    Bella: Whoa there creepy…that’s close enough.
    (Jacob then appears with his abs all showing as Bella closes her eyes. Laurent is about to b***h slap Bella when he sees Jacob running towards them.)
    Laurent: Mmmmmm….I think I want him more.
    (Bella turns and starts to run.)
    Bella: Sexy Jake run!
    (as Bella falls like the idiot she is Jacob jumps over her and turns into a squirrel and starts to hiss)

    (screen goes black and orange words appear)
    The Flashlight saga
    New Spoon

    Bella: A squirrel? Really? Are you gay too?

    (words fade away and new ones appear)
    13.32.1392 B.C.