• As the shades of the somber autumn began to drown the evening in my heart, I remember all your silly tantrums that made me laugh so hard. Those were probably the fun moments in your childhood were you made me smile even after your daddy's assails. You never stopped smiling, even after death, you still smile.

    Here's a funny story I never got to tell you, though I hope that through these prints you can get the message from your pedestal in the fluffy heavens. Six years ago, you were still inside my belly, I had an appointment with the doctor, a certain day. Though I asked daddy to come, he denied the offer because he had other important stuff to do. But in my mind, I knew there was nothing more important then you to him. I got on the old, rusty pick-up truck which belonged to daddy and drove it into town. When I got to the clinic and was already in my cubicle, the doctor came in and said: "Why don't we check if it's a little guy or a little girl, huh?"- He uncovered my belly and spread a very cold and gooey material. Then he pressed this artifact and we saw you in the small monitor. You were so big by then... so big, you couldn't fit inside me! But then, the doctor looked closely into the screen. Your legs were crossed and we couldn't see. In my mind I was begin for you to spread your legs and you did! The doctor parted the artifact away and wiped me clean.
    -"Congratulations, Mrs. Morrison. It's a boy." I was happy. You were my little boy.
    You were my little silly boy.

    I also remember the day you were born. The day we met. The day I saw you for the first time. Your beautiful ivory skin and short, wavy, brown hair. You had the most peaceful look when you slept. I enjoyed watching you.

    On your first birthday, it was a funny day. We didn't have enough money to host you an extravagant first birthday but we gave you a decent party with me and daddy in our small yellow house in the woods. You looked silly with your face covered in icing. I think I still have that picture somewhere in your memory box.

    You know what else I enjoyed most? Your first day of school. You looked so big with your Spider Man backpack and your Nike sneakers. I remember the argument you and I had early in the morning before the bus arrived:
    "But mommy, I can't go to school. If I go, who will protect you from the monsters in the closet?" You said all worried as I tried to hold my laughter.
    "You silly big boy. Daddy will protect me."- I said. It seemed rather noticeable: how the feeling in my voice changed, huh?
    "Dummy, daddy doesn't protect you. He's bad. He hits mommy."
    "No he doesn't." I lied.
    -"Daddy and I are just playing pirate games. Games you will never play with anyone." I clarified. Finally you gave up and left for the bus stop. There goes my big silly boy on his first day of school.

    After that I remember perfectly how you came running back from the bus stop, after school, with all your fun stories about all the things you did and all the friends you made. I was happy because you had forgotten about the discussion in the morning though I knew you were right. Why would I play games I told you not to play? I guess I was the silly one back then, huh?

    But... for me being silly... I lost you. I was so stupid I lost you. Thinking that, as long as I received the hits, nothing would happen to you.
    I was wrong.
    I was stupid.
    I was idiotic.
    I was... silly.
    I was a little bit silly.

    I remember that faithful day. The day I last got to see your never absent smile. It was winter, and there was a terrible storm about. Due to it, daddy couldn't leave the house. It was the first time, in a long time, the three of us had been together at night. Your daddy was busy sulking himself in the couch drinking beer. He drank the first three cans and then went to the kitchen to get a new six-pack. I knew he was going to get drunk so I sent you off to bed early. I fed you, bathed you, and was tucking you in when your daddy peeked in your room.
    -"You are over protecting him, Lauren."- He said as he leaned on the door edge. I ignored him. I leaned forward to kiss your forehead but he stopped me. -"I'm sure you can live without kissing him goodnight at least today."- I rolled my eyes and kissed you anyway. Daddy went down the stairs suddenly. I stepped out of your room and closed the door. I went cautiously downstairs as well but didn't see him. Suddenly, daddy came from behind and pulled me by my hair.
    -"You stupid b*tch!"- He growled as he pulled me down. -"I told you not to kiss him goodnight and still you ignored me."- I left out a low screech symbolizing my pain but trying not to wake you up. -"You are over-protecting him and I tell you things but you never listen."- He let go of his grip and I fell on my back as I heard his loud footsteps up the staircase.
    -"Perhaps through him, I can teach you a lesson."-
    He growled. I gasped and stood up quickly. Half way up the stairs and I heard you screaming and yelling. I ran up the stairs when I heard a loud smash and I stopped. Your screams faded. -"LAUREN!!! LAUREN, GET UP HERE!!"- Daddy yelled at me scared. I dashed to your room and saw you on your back on the floor, your forehead dripping with blood and I saw daddy with your lamp broken on his hand with scattered ceramic pieces on the floor. I ran towards, jerking you as I took you in my arms. "DANNY!?!! DANNY!?! SPEAK TO ME!!!" I yelled.
    -"It was an accident. I swear. I-I only wanted to whack him in the head lightly..."- He explained.

    -"YOU b*****d!!! YOU KILLED YOUR SON!!!"- I yelled to your daddy... something I had been afraid of ever since I got pregnant of you. He began to defend himself miserably though I didn't listened. I scooped you up from the floor quickly and carried you out the door.
    -"If he doesn't make it through, I swear, I am not going to stop until I see you pay for all the years of misery you've caused this child. I've backed away long enough."- I threatened. The little bit silly girl carrying the little bit silly boy to the hospital. She finally grew... a little bit late though.

    Daddy drove us to the hospital on the other side of town. They quickly got to you and they told us to wait outside. They told us you needed surgery. If the impact was hard enough, the mental trauma made it worst. I glared at your daddy when they told me this. The surgery was a very delicate procedure. There was little hope of success.

    And that hope... was in vain.

    You died on December 28th, 2005 at 23:48 pm local time. You died... one day before your birthday.
    Five years.
    Sixteen hours.
    Thirty-five seconds.
    One life.

    The happiest time of my life.

    This big silly girl misses her little big silly boy, Danny.