• Justin Bieber looked out the window. It was raining again. It was always raining in Forks, though. He sighed and went into the bathroom. He saw his refelction in the mirror, and wished, not for the first time, that he had a manly chiseled jaw and a rugged six o'clock shadow. But his terminal illness prevented him from ever hitting puberty, and he was destined to wear his girlish baby-face until it finally caught up with him. The disease, not the face.

    Too depressed to pretend to shave, he left the bathroom. He was running later than was fashionable anyway, and he wasn't sure he wanted to make these crazy bloodsuckers angry. They may be sparkly pansies, but if they stood in the right light, the glare on their bodies could permenantly burn his retinas...
    -------------------------
    Knock, knock.

    No answer. Biebs tapped his foot impatiently. Just like a vampyre (Edward demands everyone spell it with a Y now) to keep everyone waiting on him. But then again, Edward did wear ridiculous amounts of hair gel. Or maybe he was born with it. A conundrum, one that may never be answered.

    The door opened a crack.

    "Hello, welcome to the Cullen estate. How may I be of service?"

    Biebs squinted at the person in the door way. Could it be... No. Rick Astley would NEVER wear a MAID DRESS, of all things. But when the door opened wider, Biebs saw that it was, in fact, Rick Astley wearing a maid dress. And patent leather pumps. He shivered.

    "Um, well, I'd like to come inside... I was invited for a party... Kareoke..."

    "Ah, of course." Maid!Astley stepped aside and led Biebs into the house. "The young master will be so pleased to see you," he recited as they walked down the hall. "You're the last guest to arrive. Right this way..."

    Maid!Astley led Biebs into a large room decked out like some kind of bar/lounge/thing. Sure enough, everyone was already there. Edward and Jacob sat on either side of a very uncomfortable looking Zuko on a cramped loveseat, Snape skulked in a corner, Legolas and Lady Gaga were playing a drinking game, and Spock and the Joker were having what appeared to be a very heated debate. Biebs looked around desperately for someone he knew, and felt a wave of relief wash over him when he spied Usher near the back of the room. He left Maid!Astley by the door and walked over to his ex.


    "Hey, Usher, uh..."

    Usher looked up from his game of pool. "Oh, hey Biebs. What's up?"

    "Oh, nothing." God, this was awkward. He'd probably be better of getting wasted with Legolas and Gaga. "So," he started, leaning against the pool table, "who's winning?"

    Usher grinned. "Well, I'm losing at the moment, but I've got a few tricks up my sleeve that I'm about to unleash on this *****."

    Biebs nodded, and walked back to the rest of the party.

    "HEY! BIEBS! COME ON OVER HERE!" Edward shouted across the room. Biebs gratefully took the excuse to leave Usher to his game of pool against himself and walked over to the little love seat. "Come on, sit down!" Biebs looked at the couch. There wasn't enough room for the three of them as it was. If Biebs was going to join them, he'd have to sit on one of their laps.

    "Of course you will. If I didn't want that, I wouldn't have invited you over here." Biebs looked at Edward in confusion. Edward rolled his eyes while Jacob chuckled and Zuko grumbled. "I can read minds," he said by way of explanation, and yanked Biebs down onto his lap.

    He was very cold and hard, and Biebs was not surprised Zuko looked consapated. Edward wrapped one arm around his shoulders, and another around his waist. He started nuzzling at the back of his neck in the most alarming way, Biebs thought he must be sniffing out his jugular vien. "You know, you look remarkably similar to my dead wife," Edward murmured softly.

    "Eh? Excuse me?"

    Edward backed off. "Bella. You remind me of her. You even use the same after shave."

    "Wait, she's dead?"

    "Oh, yeah. Didn't you know? Well, I guess Carlisle hushed it up. He must not have wanted anyone to know that one of our strongest sttractions was dead. The JacobxEdwardxZuko ship isn't popular enough to stand on its own yet." He said it so nonchalantly, Biebs wondered if Edward had cared for his wife at all.

    "Oh, not one whit," Edward said, reading his mind and then answering his question. "True, she smelled good, but she had no personality. Not like you..."

    "Hey! You flirting with mah boi?" Usher shouted, beating the pool table with the stick. He ran towards Edward in a rage, and tried to run him through with the jagged piece of broken wood like a lancer, but Edward was too quick. He jumped up, spilling Biebs to the floor, and snapped Usher's neck before the man could take three steps. A hush fell over the room but was filled agains just as quickly as people realized that no one important had died.