Another day of school means another day of work. I sigh, as I worry about my grade I will get on my English test. I enter the door way and there's Les, all alone, sitting on his desk as if a model, one leg hanging while the other perches him up for stability. Where's my camera? "You're early. Might I ask why?" I smirk, " Can't help being an early riser, can I?" " OR maybe, you came to see me," Les retaliates against my sarcasm. Wait, what? He gets up, and I stay put right in my place. Oh, s**t, is he coming towards me?! And as I asked myself, his actions answered my question, and as he moved toward me, I kept backing up, trying to further myself from him. I wanted him, but it was as if, inside me I couldn't. His arms place themselves on the walls on each side of me, and I panic of embarrassment. He leans forward, almost touching me, and wraps his right arm around my back. " Yuh-you..yo..." You can't do this to me!" Hmm?" Well, bucko, what do you think you're doing? " St- stop!" He freezes and looks up at me with such solemn eyes. " I'm trying to unlock the door, silly." Its been getting awkward, especially with the suddeness of Les' remarks and how provocative they are now.

    Ater the Band Aid incident, everything has changed. I have to decided to make everything as normal as 'normal' could get. "Our" relationship, even if there is a spark, is as if an abomination to society. It just, I guess, was a feeling that I should have long forgotten. Each day I grew lonelier. I even referred to him as Mr. Peers. It was habitual and more appropriate than "Les." Yet, how could I have been anymore stupid than I already have been? I couldn't believe that the 'love' of my life was slipping right between my fingers and he slowly drifted distant as if a faint memory of the past. Love hurts, especially when you don't feel that way after a while. I think its due to the fact that I have grown bored with this so called, ' love.' If its enough, even just to keep me going, I will give up on him, so that I can have a better chance of being in a better relationship than waiting on chance to pick me up from the get-go. My heart still hurts; make it stop! Help me choose what's right even when it seems so real!

    *** November ( 4 months in)***

    ENTRY 2:
    I feel that as Thanksgiving break nears its end, I will cut off my feelings. I will stop them from ruining everything, ruining me. Its hard, I know, but I hate that I have to pretend I don't love him anymore.

    Ally can't cook, burning the only thing we had for dinner. I officially hate her.
    I wish dad was here; he'd know what to do. Even mom. My REAL mom.
    I don't always like to bring it up, but on Thanksgiving was the day my parents died. Both of them. Yet, it wasn't like the typical " couple who died in a car accident" and " the child has recieved minor injuries and has survived." Are you kidding me? If that was the case, I wouldn't be living with Miss drag queen drop-out, would I? Whatever the case is, Happy Thanksgiving Mom and Dad.