• But I want to watch TV!” I said.
    “Well, I’m watching it now. Why don’t you go do something else?” said Porsche. She always was hogging the TV.
    “I don’t want to!”
    “Well I’m watching right now so you’ll have to wait.”
    “You can’t hog the TV all day!”
    “I’m older so I can do that.”
    “No you can’t! Mom! Porsche’s not sharing the TV!”
    “Porsche let your sister watch TV for a while. Don’t you have a report due Tuesday?” Mom was mostly on my side sometimes.
    “I was getting to that.”
    “Well, get to it now.
    “Yes, Mom.”
    “Ha ha!” I couldn’t hold it in she just got served!
    “Be quiet you little vermin!”

    That’s usually how it was on the weekends. This actually isn’t a worst-case scenario. Sometimes Porsche and I would get into fights and our mom would put us into corners, but she knows we mean well. It’s usually Mom, Porsche, and me at home, since my dad is always out with his friends, drinking. I’d rather him with his friends than here at home, it’s more peaceful around here without him, besides the constant screaming, it’s very peaceful.
    My dad drinks a lot. When he does come home I usually don’t want to be there since he usually is angry when he’s drunk. Mom tells him not to be angry in front of us because she says that it’s a bad influence, but every time he drinks, he always forgets. I had always wondered if he was my dad, and since I already know the answer to that question, I usually wonder why my mom married my dad in the first place. Was it his charm? Was it his good looks? Either way, I still love my dad… when he’s sober.

    “Mom, can I go to Michelle’s house?” said Porsche.
    “Not until you have finished your report.”
    “Please? I’ll finish it later.”
    “When you say you’ll finish it later you usually come home with F’s, and I want my daughters to go to a good college, and I don’t mean like Georgia. I want you to go to Harvard, Yale, or even LSU. I do not have any dumb daughters Porsche.”
    “Alright, Mom, I’ll go finish my report.”
    “That’s what I thought.”
    “Hi Mom.” I said.
    “Hi Allison dear.”
    “Can I have some jellybeans?”
    “Sure; they’re on top of the fridge.”
    “How come she got to go to Miranda’s house? She had homework too, and a report!” Porsche always seemed to have to get me in trouble.
    “I already finished my homework and my report.”
    “Maybe if you were responsible enough to do your report and clean your room, we would not be having this discussion.” Mom always liked to give it to her straight.
    “But Mom—”
    “Now, Porsche.”
    “Ugh! I hate little sisters.”
    “You know you love me!”
    “Shut up.” She was always so negative.”

    It took Porsche a while to finish her report and her room (she had just stuffed everything in the closet), but she finally went to Michelle’s house, thank goodness. That left me some quality mother-daughter time with my mom. Since she was in a good mood, Mom said that we should bake some cookies and some brownies. She knows how we are so diverse (I like brownies, Porsche likes cookies), and I don’t think she wants another debacle from us being so picky. She also left some leftover chocolate for the chocolate-covered strawberries she wanted to make for Dad. He loves chocolate-covered strawberries so much that we made him practically a bushel of them for his birthday that he went into a sugar rush for the rest of the year! That was before he started drinking.

    “Honey, dear, I’m home!” Wow, Dad’s home. And surprisingly happy.
    “Dad! You’re home!”
    And he smelled clean, germ-x clean.
    “Hey honey! How was your day?”
    “It was great! I got to go to Miranda’s house since I finished all my homework and cleaned up my room, and Porsche didn’t.”
    “Well good responsible people get rewards, and the others who are not responsible do not get rewarded.” He always liked to teach us in phrases.
    “Hello, Dad.” Porsche was not having a good day.
    “Hi Porsche." How was your day?”
    “Could have been better, but you can’t get everything, can you?”
    “Well, as long as you keep a happy face on, everything will go your way.”
    “Honey, you seem to be in a good mood.” Mom was as surprised as I was.
    “Well, I got a promotion today at work; I think that would put someone in a good mood.”
    “Oh, dear, I’m so proud of you!”

    This was the happiest I have ever seen my dad. He always seemed to be in a bad mood, and I’m glad that this has put him in high spirits. At least he’s not angry.

    Thank goodness it’s Saturday! This whole week felt like it was just dragging along slow, like a turtle. Dad already went out with his friends. I knew the kindness couldn’t stand for more than one night. Mom was pacing back and forth through the kitchen. I have never seen her so nervous before…
    Mom told Porsche and me to go in our rooms when Dad came home. She also said she loved us too. It’s just Dad; what was there to worry about?
    When I got into my room, I had wondered why Mom had sent us to our rooms. We didn’t do anything wrong, at least, I don’t think we had done anything wrong. I sat there and pondered that thought, when suddenly I heard Mom and Dad screaming.

    “You know I don’t like them going over there! They’re a bad influence on the kids!”
    “For goodness sake, George, she’s my mother! What’s the problem with her seeing her own grand kids?”
    “The way your parents talk around them; I do not want them in that kind of environment!”

    They were going on like this for a while so I decided to ignore them. I almost fell asleep when a sharp shrieking noise woke me up out of my trance. Porsche came and threw my door open. She’d looked as if she had seen a ghost.

    “Come on, NOW.”
    “What’s going on? What is it? Porsche?”
    She couldn’t hold back her tears. “Look, Allison! Look!”

    Mom and Dad were on the floor motionless, and Dad had a bloody knife in his hand. I couldn’t believe my eyes. After seeing Mom and Dad happy yesterday, I just couldn’t.

    “No, Mom’s not— no, she’s sleeping! She needs a blanket; she’s cold.” This denial would live with me a long time.
    “No Allison. Mom is gone and she’s never coming back.”

    And I still stand here to this day, 13 years later… wondering why.