• In a small, grey house, far, far away, there lived a family of spiders. There also lived a lot of other spiders and creepy-crawlies, but they mostly kept to themselves. The house was like a big neighborhood to them, and they were all just neighbors. They talked and gossipped, but that was about it.


    The family of spiders was a daddy, a mama, and two little kids. They lived in a nice big spiderweb in the dusty corner of the bathroom, behind the toilet. The humans never cleaned behind the toilet, so they were safe there. In fact, the humans didn't clean much at all.


    But that didn't mean the humans weren't dangerous. Almost everytime a spider or creepy-crawlie wanders very far from its hiding place, the humans find it and kill it. That's why Daddy and Mama Spider felt it was very important to teach their kids how unsafe it is to wander off alone.


    Their method of teaching was through bedtime stories. Every night, Daddy Spider told his kids a different tale of a spider or creepy-crawlie who was killed by the humans. It was always a pretty scary thing to fall asleep to, but it seemed to teach them effectively.


    The humans had a lot of gruesome tricks up their sleeves. They knew so many ways to kill bugs. It all depended on three things:
    1. What kind of bug is it?
    2. Where is the bug??
    and
    3. What weapons are nearby???
    For instance, if it was simply a silverfish or an earwig in the bathroom, they would take their swiffer sweeper and squish it. However, these humans got creative when it came to spiders.


    One time, Daddy Spider's bedtime story was about a spider named LaFonda. She was in the basement bathroom on the top of the counter when she heard footsteps coming down the stairs. She hurried behind the faucet and saw one of the human kids walk in to use the bathroom. It was a young girl who probably wouldn't notice if LaFonda slowly moved across the counter and down the front, to safety.

    LaFonda started to crawl really slowly past the girl, but the human saw her and almost screamed. The girl picked up a roll of toilet paper and it came down on LaFonda. The girl picked the roll back up, and LaFonda was still on the bottom of it. The girl put the toilet paper roll in the dusty little closet with the pipes, never to be touched, or seen, again.


    Another bedtime tale was about a good friend of Mama Spider, who was also in the downstairs bathroom. He on the tile floor, in the corner by the shower. His name was Romulus, and he was a fat, black spider. When the humans found him, they thought he was the ugiest thing in the world. Obviously, they hadn't met Daddy Spider yet, but that's beside the point.

    When a human came downstairs to take a shower, Romulus wasn't prepared. He didn't know if he should take a chance and run for it, or stay there and hope to go unnoticed. He should have run for it.

    The human saw Romulus (a very ugly spider indeed), and she knew she was too scared to go at it with a papertowel or something. So, instead, she grabbed a Clorox spray bottle, read the cautions on the back, and squirted Romulus about a dozen times. He was screaming and writhing in agony before he crawled under the magazine rack and disappeared.


    The humans repeated this torture many times. Little did they know, all the spiders they thought they killed with this quick-and-easy method actually went into hiding and survived. Not only did they live, but they became stronger; they were super-spiders!

    And they were forming an army.