cruel death...

• Artist: Omni Kitten
• Description: whats happing is i made this because i was making a story for school and i wanted to share this with yall to see what yall thought. please commet by telling me what you think. :)
• Date: 11/05/2010
• Tags: death

Karima walked in she sighed and noticed no one was here she walked to the fridge taking out a glass of blood as she closed the fridge door she dropped her glass as she shall a man standing there behind the door she knew his face he was hiding somthing behind his back he looked at her and tilted his head and smirked
karima backed away slowly against the wall "wh-what are...i thought i killed you!!" she said scared he smirked "you did, Alecis brought me back to life to come kill you" he said stepping towards her he was inches from her body he looked at her in the eyes and showed what he was hiding it was a stake he rubbed it down her neck to her thigh
she wanted to scream but she couldnt
"i loved you karima..but you killed me" he said cutting her arm
"you were trying to kill me and my mother!" she said
he smirked "well now its pay back Karima Shojin" he said moving the stake to her chest he gently pressed it to her she started to cry "pl-please kris please no..." he smiled evily and forced the stake into her heart
she screamed in pain her eyes went blank she stopped breathing he let go off the stake wich was stuck to the wall threw her he smiled and kissed her cheek "see you in hell Karima" he said disapering out the window

Comments

[Emerald Elyon]

Well, there are some grammar errors mostly. Like that first run on sentence. Also, when someone speaks you're supposed to start a new sentence and indent. =P And capitals for names. I'm sure with practice you could get better. If you're interested in help you can PM me. ^^ I'll gladly be a BETA to one of your writings. ^_^

[Omni Kitten]

yep when i get done with it :3

[God of Hollowness]

Is there going to be a Part 2?

[Omni Kitten]

thank you and im planning to soo ill post it and give the link to you when im done smile

[overlooked shadow]

the writing is very good, you have no spelling or grammer mistakes that i can clearly see and everything sounds good, it's obviouse that things have happened in these characters past and it's a good place to start something off like a long story or a book, i'd like to see more of it if you write more.