"Look, I just don't think that we can be together anymore," he said, harshly. "We're just too different."
I couldn't breathe for a second and this was actually being done through video chat. Someone kill me.
I gulped and tried to hold back the stinging tears. I know it has to be done but I guess it's human nature to try to hold on to the ones who hurt you.
"Okay." I coughed, still trying not to let the water works come out.
We avoided eye contact and then it remained silent for a good moment. I didn't know how to feel. Relieved or depressed.
From the corner of my eye. I saw him look up and then shut off his video-cam. I knew I had to say something. Then I could see his hands searching for his mouse.
"Wait, can we still be-"
Too late, he was already off.
His name disappeared from my friend list and along with this, my heart sunk. I went on Facebook and searched up his name, but when I got on his profile, my heart sunk even deeper. On the top right corner was Add friend.
I grabbed my phone.
Are you shutting me out?
Usually when we had a fight, I would get a fast reply, but this time it was taking longer. I curled myself up in my bed and waited for the tears to come out.
This is all your fault! Why couldn't you just calm down? Why couldn't you just be normal?I hate you so much!
I screamed in my pillow and let the tears pour out. I tried to mask my tears so my parents couldn't hear across the hallway but this was becoming impossible. I wanted the whole world to hear, to know what a huge jerk he was...and to pity a fool like me. I got off my bed and took off the covers stained with all that fake love performed on it. Then on cue, an instant memory came in. I tried to shake it out but it stayed. Dirty. That's how I feel. Dirty.
My phone lit up and I walked slowly to it. I took a moment to try to regain any strength I had left and slowly typed in my password. I went to my messages and found our conversation. Then my phone was being thrown across the room and I was back to my ritual of tears.
Used. That's how I feel. Like a towel in the bathroom. Why don't I have any self respect?
I sat up in bed and stared at the floor. All those memories came back. I laughed at the good ones and balled my hands into fists in the really good ones. I cried at the fights and pinched myself at the near break ups. I then laid down on bed and looked up at the ceiling hoping there was an answer somehow.
The tears are back now and this time they brought rage. I scream again in my pillow and cry myself to sleep.
I stay in my room for the whole entire day. My mom knocks on my door and I act as if I'm falling asleep.
I try to block out her whispers as she shakes me awake.
"River, honey. It's noon and you haven't eaten anything."
Because I want to starve to death
I don't answer at all. I still play the sleeping game.
"River, I know you're awake," she says. "Now get up. I'm going to the store and-"
"I'm not going anywhere."
"I knew you were awake," she said. " What's wrong?"
I got dumped by a rapist
"Nothing" I lie.
"You know you can tell me any-"
"Mom, it's nothing."
She does a little humph and then walks over to my door. "I'm going to the store. Do you need anything? Snacks, nail polish, pads."
Pads! What day is it?
"Mom, what's today?"
"It's November 24th-"
"Yeah, time is going by fast. I can't wait for the new year...."
Her words became part of a background in my train of thoughts.
Okay, we did it like a week ago. I could just be panicking but what if I'm not? I don't want to abort a kid. That's not fair, but my parents. They're going to kill me. We were suppose to be broken up. I'm such a who-
"River!" my mom yelled.
I came back to earth and looked at her. "What?"
She shook her head. "Nevermind."
I watched her exit my room and listened for the purr of the car to indicate that she left. When I heard her get out of the driveway, I went for my phone. It had a little scratch mark on the screen but I could get that fixed later. I dialed those numbers I thought I would never need.
"River," then she scoffed. "This is a surprise. You haven't called me since like-oh I don't know. When you stole my boyfriend."
"He wasn't yours to start with but I need you for something."
"Are you working on that keep your enemies closer thing because I don't want any part of it."
I have no idea why I'm calling her but no matter how much trouble Jane caused, she kept secrets well hidden.
"Just meet me at the pharmacy next to my house."
"River," The tone of her voice changed. " What is i-"
"Bye." I said and hung up. I went over to the mirror and pulled up my shirt. I pressed my stomach and waited for some response. Nothing came but then when going downstairs a sort of kick appeared.
You're just hungry. Go get some food. You're just hungry
I hope so.
- Title: Find Myself Again (Chapter One
- Artist: jay jay smarty12
- Description: I actually have this on YoungWritersSociety but the site is sorta in construction so nobody is on so I decided to put it on this. This is about how a girl gets over heartbreak. Please tell me what you think and Enjoy. :D
- Date: 12/26/2011
- Tags: find myself again chapter
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