My Love poetry

• Artist: AngeloNolasco_Thedude
• Description: Are you ever coming back?
• Date: 06/04/2009
• Tags: love poetry

Oh you are coming, coming, coming,
How will hungry Time put by the hours till then? -
But why does it anger my heart to long so
For one man out of the world of men?
Oh I would live in myself only
And build my life lightly and still as a dream -
Are not my thoughts clearer than your thoughts
And colored like stones in a running stream?

Now the slow moon brightens in heaven,
The stars are ready, the night is here -
Oh why must I lose myself to love you,
My dear?

Comments

[Wegs]

I like it, for the most part. You're fairly consistent with the meter, and your rhymes aren't horribly cliche xD And you have a clear message. So that's good.

The last line throws me off, though. A sudden break in the meter. It's jarring-- maybe that's what you intended-- but for me, I wish it was the same length as the other lines...

[The Owl Eyes]

ohh nice. i like it, well done smile